Topic is Sleeping.
Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 4:00 PM on Monday, December 18th, 2023
Although I am still married I still find myself catering to my husband. It isn’t good for either us so I stop myself. He and I grew up in "dad works, mom runs the home" families and those are hard ways to overcome. It sounds like you are doing some pushback for the first time and she is going to have an adult temper tantrum every time if you appear to wobble even a little bit. Firm boundaries are better for your children from the beginning and eventually she will see that you mean what you say and say what you mean. This is what divorce looks like. The only thread you should share with her is the one about your children. Moving on is so healthy.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis
Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 4:06 PM on Monday, December 18th, 2023
Although I am still married I still find myself catering to my husband. It isn’t good for either us so I stop myself. He and I grew up in "dad works, mom runs the home" families and those are hard ways to overcome. It sounds like you are doing some pushback for the first time and she is going to have an adult temper tantrum every time if you appear to wobble even a little bit. Firm boundaries are better for your children from the beginning and eventually she will see that you mean what you say and say what you mean. This is what divorce looks like. The only thread you should share with her is the one about your children. Moving on is so healthy.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis
taken4granted ( member #61971) posted at 1:19 PM on Friday, December 22nd, 2023
My ex pressured me to have holidays and birthdays together. He told me that I was being childish and not a good Christian if I didn’t. I remember asking the kids’ counselor because I needed an outside perspective that was just looking out for the kids. She gave me multiple reasons why we should do separate holidays. Talking to her made me feel less guilty about putting my foot down on the issue and made it easier to handle his guilt trip.
With more years under my belt, it has gotten easier, but that first Christmas was rough. My ex bombarded me with horrible things because I wasn’t giving him what he wanted, but I know it wasn’t out of spite. It was to protect my kids the best I could in a terrible situation.
I will tell you that my ex tried to bill me for half of what he spent to buy them presents. It still makes me laugh at his stupid ideas. Just don’t be surprised if your ex does something stupid like this too.
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
Me: Living life! Him: Not my problem anymore
Married 15 yrs.
1 LTA, Many EAs from 2009 - ?
Dday 1 = 6/16/17
Last Dday = 1/4/18
Started loving myself 2018!
Helena67 ( member #80506) posted at 11:49 AM on Sunday, December 24th, 2023
I have adult children (DS 21 and DD 23) so they can make there own choises. Just now my son has told me that he has met the Affair Partner and that he will spent tomorrow some time with them.
IT HURTS
[This message edited by Helena67 at 11:50 AM, Sunday, December 24th]
BS (me) 56 years. Divorced!!!
fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 4:13 AM on Tuesday, December 26th, 2023
You have been heard Helena. Remember you are their Mother and the role model for acting with integrity. Enjoy your adult children.
Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:25 PM on Tuesday, December 26th, 2023
How was your Christmas? I hope you had a great time with your kids. The firsts are always hard but it will get easier I promise ;)
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
TwiceWounded (original poster member #56671) posted at 5:25 PM on Wednesday, December 27th, 2023
Hi Crazy! It was very intense, but I made it. Had a slumber party with their cousins on Friday... a midday party with my extended family hosted at my house on Christmas Eve morning. Church on Christmas Eve. Then got to do my own Christmas morning with them. It was wonderful.
I even wrote them a letter from Santa, helped them put out reindeer snacks and cookies and milk. It was really nice.
STBXWW picked them up at 11 and had them the rest of the day. It was relatively peaceful and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Thanks for checking! I definitely feel like this was the right decision!
Finally time to divorce, at age 40. Final D Day 10/29/23.
Married since 2007. 1st betrayal: 2010. Betrayals 2 - 5 through 2016. Last betrayal Sept/Oct 2023. Now divorce.
2 young kids.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 7:40 PM on Wednesday, December 27th, 2023
It sounds like you had a great time with your children and family. I'm so glad that it was relatively easy for you.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 2:23 AM on Monday, February 5th, 2024
I’m really happy for you and your children that Christmas was a smooth, joyful time!
I had some really wise (divorced) friends that told me to always keep my time with my children and quit being so "nice" when it came to carving out my time with my children. They said "time" is so extremely important to our children and me that the Family Courts grant time to each parent!!! Even when I had no extra money and we were sitting at home vs xh and ow trying to take them on a vacation, I stuck to the parenting plan. And guess what-my kids were actually happy I did it! ❤️
Your children needed this Christmas with you, their safe parent. It’s ok to get every moment you can with your children. Mine are 26 and 23 and they still thank me for always being there for them, giving them a peaceful home. Thankfully I didn’t cater to their Dads demands and bullying.
Oh yeah-up next was OW and XH saying why can’t we all be grownups and share the holidays together. 🤣🤣🤮. The insanity of these people. 🤦🏻♀️
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
Topic is Sleeping.
