SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

As a teacher myself, you will get no pushback from me, OtherSideofHell. It’s what I’ve been trying to gently say: this is a tragedy not only for TJG but especially for all of the kids in her class.

Yes, teaching is hard and unappreciated and under supported, but if we choose it, we owe it to our students to stay in it with everything for our students. Many of us are burned out and uninvested by the time we get close to retirement, but that is when it is time to leave or reassess. There are other options.

If we are not able to manage well, our students suffer and administrators have to respond to the needs of the students. Teachers do have rights to collect the pension they’ve earned through hard work. I’m really glad that you’ve spoken with your union rep, TJG, and know your rights, but as I’ve said, I also hope that you get the support and options you need to improve the situation for the students in your class.

And OtherSideofHell is also right. It would be good to assess whether or not this situation is good for you or your students.

I DO think others have been hard on you, both with previous posts and now again. Maybe you need more support from your school. That is your Vice Principal's job. You have also been at your job for an entire career, and I personally can not believe that you are entirely at fault and incompetent for that many years.

The following would be my advice if I were your sister. I should probably note that I know absolutely nothing about teaching or administrating elementary/middle/high school or human resources, so take that into account.

You will have to advocate strongly for yourself. It doesn't sound like you have done that before or know how.

You absolutely need to go back to your job next year unless you can afford to pay back your salary and lose your pension. Send an email to your vice principal immediately notifying him and the school that it is your intention to return in your position and to keep it for at least the next 5 years until retirement. It doesn't matter if you do intend to stay past next year. Do it anyway. Make sure your email is acknowledged.

Be pro-active and get on top of existing classroom management issues. Ask your Vice Principal to assist you. Do this in writing and ask for a meeting. Think about your issues and write them out briefly before the meeting. Write out what you have tried. Work with the Vice Principal to make an approved plan of action and follow it fully. Document fully. For example, if you meet personally, follow up with a brief email stating the discussion points and your plan every time you meet. Be brief and to the point. Meet regularly (weekly/biweekly/monthly as is appropriate) with the Vice Principal and discuss. Follow up in writing. Again, be brief and to the point.

Document any problems in class with students (Name, action, time, date, your response, follow up from school and student). Document any other "classroom management" issues in the same way. Those will be part of your meeting summaries. Follow the advice you are given.

You should have good health care. See physicians and therapists/psychiatrists to see if you have any disability and are in a protected class. Visit any financial advisor provided by the school system to talk about your retirement and projections. If you absolutely can't hang on there for 5 years, find out what your financial projection for retirement would be if you worked as a different position like janitor or bus driver or lunchroom staff.

Hello, thank you for the responses but to clarify, it is 3 years until a fully pensioned retirement not five. And I feel hurt and offended when people including other teachers tell me I shouldn't be in the field. I have put my all into this job, moreso than most. For example, I've always been literally the last staff member to leave work every night save for the closing janitors. I have sacrificed so much for this job. You say paperwork doesn't matter and is unappreciated, and the unappreciation might be true, but what else was I supposed to do? Blow it off? That would most definitely be reason to fire me and deny me my pension. There were times in the past when I tried to cut corners slightly like other teachers did, and I got called out on it right away. That's the whole reason I have so much extra paperwork in the first place, because I got dreamed out for stuff so I need to do this extra paperwork to C.M.A. so to speak and have documentation to show when someone doesnt achieve. I just want to make it to my pension since this job is partly to blame for bye I have been too busy to find quality husband material that would allow me to have a spouse and kids to fall back on when I am too old to work. Instead, I only have myself and the only possible way I can avoid going to some state raw nursing home, the very kind of place that my late parents refused to ever go to, is if I have a pension. I never made enough smoking my salary to have anything better on my own. And the only reason my parents didn't have to go away to a nursing home in their last year's, which they refused to do, was because they had me still living at home to take care of them. I don't have the luxury of a child. I only have many... And my pension.

You do have a pension, you just have to do 3 more qualifying years of work to get the maximum benefit.

We all know that there is a written performance rubric at your work which includes several more metrics than attendance and paperwork completion. You have disclosed many times on here that you are focused on those aspects because you are either unable to or have abdicated those additional work responsibilities. It simply doesn't stand to logic that you get full credit for partial performance, that's why the reality here is administration wants you gone.

If you need this full pension so badly, you must find a way to stop fixating on doing only part of your job. That's, by definition, why you are underperforming. Your options are a lateral move of some sort or you lean on your union protections to drag yourself over the finish line. If you believe or even suspect there is an underlying medical reason for work struggles, that can get you more job protections.

You need to look for solutions to the problems.

If finishing paperwork in a timely manner is an issue, why? Do you have dyslexia? ADHD? Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Maybe those are disabilities where the school is required to provide reasonable accommodations, for example a teaching assistant to help you. Maybe instead, you could hire a grad student for a few hours every other day to help you out. Yes, it will cost money. If that's what it takes to keep your job and ensure your pension, it will be worth it.

I was suggesting meeting with the administration to get a written plan to improve performance. It sounds like maybe you already have that. If that's true, follow it proactively.

[This message edited by KitchenDepth5551 at 3:30 PM, Wednesday, August 14th]

I worked as an aide in schools for over 10 years. It became obvious that the teachers who performed well in the classroom, managed behaviors, and had students that continued to learn and develop were liked by parents and admins. The teachers that struggled in this area were for lack of a better word "bullied" by fellow teachers and admin. The students would leave the struggling teachers class and make it harder on the next teacher to catch them up and admin had to listen to complaints from
Parents. I was one of those parents when my daughter had a subpar teacher. I liked her teacher. She was a kind lady, but teaching was not her thing. The principal literally told me when I went to complain that "he can’t get her fired before she retires so he isn’t even going to try". When I informed him I’d be keeping my daughter home a few days a week for self instruction he replied "as a principal I have to beg you not to do that as it will cost the district money when she isn’t in class, but as a parent myself I say I don’t blame you and you have to do what’s right for your child". I don’t say this to be hurtful and cruel. I just continue to beg you to consider the welfare of all that is involved. Focusing on how well you get the paperwork and prep work finished on time does not really change your effectiveness in the classroom. Please take the advice of the other poster who encouraged you to hire an aide or extra teaching help. It would take some stress off of you, show determination to admin, and most importantly help the students. The primary goal of teaching is not on time paperwork, but the continued learning and growth of young people. As hard as it may be to hear, a pension for anyone and their comfort level in older years should not come at the expense of young people. I honestly do empathize with you, but I’ve been on the other side as well and that’s hard too:

Well ouch. It's not like I haven't tried just about anything. I even tried sabbatical even though I couldn't do much of anything for myself with an already stagnant salary cut in half. Hire an assistant? That's not in my power to do. And even when I had R help grade homeworks before, everyone on this site or another one I used to post on came down hard on me, said they hope I get in a lot of trouble for this. When I was trying to cut back on the paperwork duties.

A sabbatical does not solve problems at the job. It can possibly solve burn out and overwhelm.

You can, of course, hire anyone you want. I do it regularly for tasks I don't want to do or can't do myself. Many people do. As I get older, it's harder to do certain things. There's no shame or "ouch" there. I have money. They would like to work to get that money. A graduate student in your field of study should be capable of helping.

A regular bit of advice given to small business owners is to concentrate on what they're good at and outsource the rest to capable others. That could apply here. Why not try it?

The resolution to the situation is up to you. I'm suggesting brainstorming and finding a solution. The alternative is letting the issues continue in the same way.

[This message edited by KitchenDepth5551 at 6:07 PM, Saturday, August 17th]

I was hesitant to respond to this. How can I afford to pay anybody out of my already small paychecks? I haven't received a raise in years now. I am already at the top step of my salary schedule but unfortunately limited because all of my college credits have been at the bachelor's level so I was never able to go up and salary beyond that since I do not have graduate degrees. When I first started teaching, continuing Ed credits didn't have to be at graduate level but could be at any level. So I took all undergraduate level math courses and got a second subject certification, in math. Those courses were really really hard too, calculus and more. Meanwhile, it seems to me that a lot of my colleagues had a much easier time with their masters programs then I had with my extra college credits at the bachelor's level for math. Yet they earned the race for graduate credits and I never did. Doesn't seem fair. Also, you have to consider that I pay a large tax percentage since I have no children, I just came back from sabbatical where I was getting half my salary, and I support myself all on my own with no spouse to split bills with. How am I supposed to pay somebody even minimum wage out of that? No, I cannot just hire somebody to come into the classroom with me. They have to be hired by and approved by the school district. I can't just bring in guests or visitors while claiming that I am paying them money to be there. What school did you ever go to that allowed that?

Are there teacher training programs near you? How about taking on a student teacher needing a placement to complete credential requirements?

Teachergal,

Gently, as they say here, you’ve been given a lot of ideas and have an excuse why you can’t try any of them. By your own admission teaching has never been a good fit for you and you’ve always struggled. This has undoubtedly affected years of students and other teachers. This is a site for infidelity support yet you’re using it as a place for encouragement to stay in a job simply for the pension at the expense of others. Yes, I am sure that hurts to read, but life is not all about you and your needs. As I asked before , would you be okay flying with a mediocre pilot who struggled to control the plane? A doctor who was sub-par? School administrators do not randomly pick on teachers for the fun of it nor do they suggest a sabbatical to teachers doing a good job. To be honest, it’s likely the union that has saved your job for years and continues to do so. People do not last in other professions unless they have the skills needed.

Hi TJG,

I've been wondering how you're doing and hoped that it was well. Sad to hear you're still allowing R into your life. And that you haven't been pro-active with enhancing your teaching skills. On the bright side, only 3 years to go!

I know you have to teach this year, but can you switch positions for your final 2 years? Have you talked to your Union rep about this? Maybe doing something that utilizes your organizational/paperwork skills?

-lt

I saw that you talked to the union rep. That’s great. Did you specifically ask about some of the options available, such as switching positions to something that may takes the stress off of you and possibly negotiating and getting out of paying back last year if you do so? What did the rep say about that when you asked her or him? If you did not ask, they may not have known to offer that advice so I would definitely make sure you have asked. It’s not bad or failure, it just might help your overall situation and is not meant to be harmful so don’t take it that way. I’ve known many people to negotiate their way out of something that was in writing, and this was all within the education world. It can and does happen. So out of curiosity, what did the rep say when you asked him or her that?

[This message edited by deena04 at 2:13 PM, Monday, August 19th]

Hello, I wanted to provide you with an update. School hasn't started yet but we had a few in-service days and I am more worried sick than ever about school starting. Nobody seemed to welcome me back at work, not that I expected them to. A lot of people didn't know me because they're new within the last two years (high turnover) and admin wasn't the friendliest. It's going to be a long year. An even longer three years.

But on some good news, last week I received a very unexpected but pleasant phone call out of the blue from someone! 🙂 One of my former colleagues phoned me. We used to work together at my previous school almost 20 years ago. He is several years older than me and was always a kind gentleman when I knew him. He didn't say how he got my number, but said he and a few previous colleagues were worried about me especially when I suddenly went missing from my school's directory last year. I explained that it's because I took a sabbatical last year, and I kept the reasoning for sabbatical light and airy, said I took one because "sure, why not? It was available to me." I didn't want to make everything gloom and doom even though it actually is. We talked for quite a while and caught up on old times. He was single no kids when we worked together, but went on to marry and have four kids, and is now divorced but going through quite the ringer from his ex-wife in family court. Near the end of our conversation, I did start to reveal my fears about the upcoming school year and that this job is getting harder than ever, opened up a little more beyond friendly happy small talk. He agreed that teaching isn't what it used to be. I had to go because R was arriving soon and we were planning a day trip to his beach house. But isn't that nice? I am so happy someone reached out to me. I had honestly felt so lonely this summer, except for the occasions R had stopped by. It is good to know I still have a friend out there.

So you were given a whole year to work on your skills abd learn how to do this better to make your goal a reality. But you didn't. So here you are again back to stressing and fussing about a broken situation where you haven't gained the skills and tools needed to resolve the issues.
So now back to the class. Go in with confidence and kindness. Go in knowing you have knowledge and skills to help these kids learn some cool stuff. But please get yourself some counseling and stop blaming everything and everyone else about your issues.
Be ready to be written up and placed on a PIP. Union or not your bosses have an opinion on you and your abilities. When the kids are disruptive and you're struggling they are going to notice.
As a former manager people when you have a weak performer you do what you need to, to strengthen the team. So be prepared to have the spotlight and microscope on you. They have to have kids meeting standards on tests. Your job is important. You are helping shape young minds.
Your confidence is in the crapper. I have mentioned it before, as have others. Hire yourself life coach. I truly think that if you open yourself to what they have to offer your life can would greatly improve.

A bit off topic, concerned for you:

Gently, isn't R the guy who cheated on you and stole from you? The reason you joined SI years ago?

I'm sorry if I'm thinking of someone else but I recall you wouldn't heed the advice of the many members on this site.

I also recall you started dating a married man, didn't know he was married at the time, but once again refused to listen to the members on this site and dump him.

There's a pattern of asking for advice/help and not following it. Is it the same with your teaching? Several years back when you were having classroom management issues, members who are educators suggested taking classes on how to better manage a classroom and your time. Did you do any of that? I didn't read all the responses here so I apologize if I am misinformed.

I hope you can find your way through this year and the next couple years until you are eligible for your pension. I know teaching can be difficult, my SIL went back to teaching after raising her children only to quit several months later because almost her entire class was very behind, the class was unruly and disrespectful, so much red tape, and the public school system she was in just pushed these children through. She ended up with a lower paying job at a private school and was less stressed.

Hello, who says I didn't take professional developments including ones on classroom management? I actually did. I checked out a lot of resources online and in fact attended different professional development workshops. I am great at writing papers about teaching topics and comprehending the theories behind them, but when actually put in the classroom, I struggle. I admit I get nervous and students can probably tell. Telling me "be confident" is it helpful when I can't control how I feel about myself or the situation, or how I come across. I can try to fake it till I make it, but that's the best I can do. Telling me "be more strict" is meaningless because that is so ambiguous and doesn't tell me any specifics at all. Same with being confident, what does that look like? What actions would show that? People want to act like they are helping but then give such vague short-ended "advice".

Yes, R has cheated before by kissing another woman 15-20 years ago, and I don't know anything beyond that. I don't recall him stealing from me though unless eating some of my snacks and using my Wi-Fi account as stealing of sorts. Perhaps you have him confused with my brother, who had written some checks to himself from our parents bank accounts when he was their power of attorney.

Yes, I will admit that was me, the guy I dated in order to get over R during one of the summers that R had dumped me did end up being married. I honestly did not know. He told me he was divorced. I never would have gotten involved with him if I knew otherwise. And I haven't talked to him in over 2 years now.

There was a guy whom you were in a relationship with where there was a boat involved and an automobile you were paying for.

I think people remember things about your past here at SI b/c they were invested in trying to help you see reality with that guy.

And if I remember correctly, you were paying for the boat but were rarely invited on the boat with him and his friends.

We were very sad to see that happen to you and tried to counsel you. In fact a number of us were very invested in you regarding that situation.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 9:37 AM, Saturday, August 31st]

There was a guy whom you were in a relationship with where there was a boat involved and an automobile you were paying for.

I think people remember things about your past here at SI b/c they were invested in trying to help you see reality with that guy.

And if I remember correctly, you were paying for the boat but were rarely invited on the boat with him and his friends.

We were very sad to see that happen to you and tried to counsel you. In fact a number of us were very invested in you regarding that situation.

What? You may have me confused with someone else. I don't recall paying for anyone's boat or car. I'm paying my own car payment. I haven't seen a guy with a boat. The guy I've known for years who is somewhat like a boyfriend but not exactly, R, has a beach house but I never had any involvement paying for it let alone paid but wasn't able to go. In fact, I just went there with him for the weekend a few weeks ago.

The woman paying for the boat was a completely different poster!