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I wanted to address each reply but have been traveling for work this last week.

I did want to touch on the fact that the bulimia the STBXH has is not offensive by any means, I know people struggle with this, in STBXH's case his body, heart etc. with his bulimia has taken a huge toll on his health, 25 plus years has put him in a position to have a medical episode that could cause him to basically have a heart attack at any given point. My warning to the GF was be sure STBXH isn't driving her kids since it's not safe. My own attorneys have pointed this out in my discovery as a safety concern.

[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 2:52 PM, Friday, May 5th]

Does he drive your kids?

Hellfire,thankfully my DD 15 is learning to drive and has been doing all the driving since STBH moved out since she has her permit when she is with him. Not reassuring completely but very worrisome still.

Is it legal in your state for a teenager under 15 who only has a learner's permit to drive without adult supervision?

Has your husband ever been cited for bad driving due to the ill effects of his bulimia? Have doctors advised him not to drive? How do your attorneys plan to prove this in court?

Bluerthanblue,
My DD is learning to drive so she does the bulk of both of the trips with STBXH and myself.

No, he hasn't had anything but a ticket for no seat belt, not really any violations. In his case it's going to be more like a medical emergency, a possible heart attack or just losing consciousness. No one except me, my mom and kids know about the bulimia. A year ago I sent an email to STBXH and cc's my mom asking for him to get help at an treatment center and I would hold down the fort so he could get help. He denied it although I had proof, garbage bags outside with vomit (sorry for being graphic) and after he ate he would go directly to the bathroom and turn the radio on to shower (and vomit).

I CC'd my mom basically for my kids to know IF he ever died from it I had offered support and help. This was before D-Day #2 in August.

He will not admit he has this to anyone ever. He hasn't been to a doctor in at least 18 years so not much help on that end.

Update,
Things have calmed down relatively except for my kids. STBXH would not facilitate my picking up of my DD14 this past Sunday per the court order, my DD15 was picked up by me a day early because her Dad was MIA. He has been pawning the kids off every one of his weekends to the kids various friends and left to "run wild". My DS knows Dad is giving him freedom and does not want to come back to my home because I have "rules".

I called the police Sunday and tried to go to his door but no luck, I also tried again Monday to get my son with no luck.

I'm due at my attorneys Wednesday in light of this contempt of the court order.

I've also in process of setting up with a therapist who testifies and makes court recommendations for child custody cases, I'm just waiting to see if they are suggesting me & STBXH do co-parenting sessions or just immediate therapy with my DD15 to make a new temporary parenting plan for the duration of the divorce. There is ZERO co-parenting and no communication from the STBXH, not one email, call or text on behalf of the kids.

I have told STBXH that contempt on the order along with the no communication is going to bode badly for him, ALONG with the fact that STBXH will not benefit financially from anything to do with 50/50 custody etc.

He is literally destroying any chance of him keeping 50/50--I am at a loss, I am starting to wonder if this is his end game. To let the kids think he wants them 50/50 but to actually lose his custody and BLAME me!

My DD15 is literally so tired of her Dad's antics, told him clearly that she knows and feels he doesn't want her there and told him to just to give up custody. She told him he has never prioritized her or her brother and how much that hurts her to be told she HAS to find a place to stay every Friday and Saturday night so that he can see his GF.

I know this has nothing to do with the email I sent the GF, as he was doing this long before she came on the scene.

I am so confused....what is his end game? STBXH actually called my son from a previous marriage (20 years old) whom he punched last year (my son did not hit him back) and said "how's it going SON" like he he has nothing to do with him in many months and NOW he wants to play some mental mind games with him. My son from a previous has grown up with STBXH for the last 15 years but was never treated like a SON in the least.

Maybe he's trying to soften him to not testify that he punched him since he NOW has the fight with the new GF's XH too?

Stop trying to understand his motivation. He is such a mess he probably doesn't know what his endgame is.
Just document his neglect and failure to parent, and keep on doing the best job as mom you can.
I would also make sure your adult son knows the full extent of his abuse, and antics.

I know this has nothing to do with the email I sent the GF, as he was doing this long before she came on the scene.

Well that email certainly didn't help your kids.

Things have calmed down relatively except for my kids.

This just really blows my mind. Except for the kids. The kids are still being neglected,and treated terribly, but,hey, everything is calming down for you.

Yes, he's always been a shit dad. You interfering with his latest girlfriend wasn't going to make him start co parenting and treating everyone better. All it did was throw gas on the fire.

His end game? To hurt you. As it's always been. You've removed yourself, but the kids had no choice. He is using them to hurt you.

He's spending all his time with his girlfriend? The one you emailed? So the email didn't do anything to their relationship. He convinced her you're a lying,bitter,ex. This woman is also ok with him neglecting his kids, do be with her. So she's no prize. She didn't deserve your protection. Your kids do.

[This message edited by HellFire at 5:31 PM, Tuesday, May 9th]

His strategy seems pretty obvious to me. He's letting DS do whatever he wants to do so that even if you do get full physical and legal custody, your son will be completely unmanageable. He's confident that your son will not testify against him; in fact, he'll probably smear you in court in order to appease his father and continue to run wild as much as he wants. Your STBXH doesn't care about your daughter and never has.

I know this has nothing to do with the email I sent the GF, as he was doing this long before she came on the scene.

As I recall from your previous threads, he was home most of the time when your kids were there; he was just ignoring them and sequestering himself in his room to talk to his girlfriend, who was also an OW while you were still married. Since the debacle with her ex-husband and the letter you sent, he's probably doubling down on his love-bombing and keeping her as close to him as possible.

Meh, I don't think he has a strategy beyond serving himself.

He isn't spending time with the kids because he's (sorry to be crass) balls deep into another woman.

It's that simple.

He justifies it to himself that they are teenagers and would probably rather be with their friends.

He's moved on CT. He's all in with his AP. Assuming the kids are safe and fed, what else can you do?

If they don't want to be there or get pawned off, they can make that clear in court. But they aren't littles that need constant supervision. He's not breaking any law but sending them off with friends. Unless you can prove he is allowing them to be in a dangerous situation, this is what it is. He's not going to be some actively engaged Dad. He never was.

Tushnurse,
Thanks, I spend way too much time on thinking about his "why's"--I can't wrap my mind around any of it. I have told STBXH my ability to compromise outside the post-nuptial will directly correlate on his treatment or lack thereof to my kids, still I thought he might chose a higher road for a bigger piece of the pie.

Yes-my adult son knows and is likely just being used in STBXH's game for some reason SINCE he currently lives with me, I'm thinking STBXH wants my son (20) to testify thinking I've been unfaithful during the pending divorce (which I haven't)

Hellfire,
The email I can't say at this point hurt my kids anymore then the current situation STBXH is putting them in, no this GF is still with him and although it wasn't worth the effort her XH's and her kids are to me. The new GF's daughter age 12 hates my STBXH and the XH had let her read the email too (I wouldn't have suggested that & a bad choice) this daughter has told the GF's mom about "mom's new boyfriend" so there's so more eyes on the situation with at least her kids.

I'm heading to my attorney today to see how the contempt from the temp parenting plan affects everything.

I can only believe his end game is to hurt me through them, and it indeed is working.

BluerthanBlue,
It does seem like you might be right, he is letting my DS roam free and thinks that his influence has him nailed down figuratively speaking. He cares nothing for my DD(15) she is a smart girl who understands his tricks and manipulations, STBXH can't play her so she is irrevelent.

Yes, before his move out in November he was either gone every weekend or locked in his room on the phone with the multiple AP's WHICH we're not this current one. He had also taken my son when he moved out without me home and kept him for 7 weeks as a hostage basically and took him to another AP's home we surmise from my DS turning off his lacation services and some social media posts

Yes STBXH is likely in hard lovebombing mode, my DD said at his apartment he has 4 other phones he's using for each situation with OW, so this GF isn't his "only"---and buys pizza for a single mom with 5 kids who lives a floor down.

I am still not regretful writing the email to the GF, if I had had STBXH's playbook I could've been so much more protected, I will not do it again though.

Theend,

True statements for sure, STBXH cheated continually all of our M so now that he has a unofficial greenlight he's not skipped a beat.

Very ironically, before the D neither of my children we're allowed to have a sleepover at anolther person house, now STBXH is basically making them find somewhere to go and stay all weekend. It won't be long before one of them gets into trouble, likley my DS.

I know TheEnd your right, he was never a decent father, but he's been going on and on with the kids that he's going to be a "good father" now that he's happy...lol. He has really only gotten worse.

I'm seeing my attorneys today on the contempt, I already have him leaving the kids alone at all hours, getting into a fight with the XH of the GF so I would loved to at least get sole custody while the divorce is proceeding. That would buy me at least another year providing my kids with some stability, peace and safety.

[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 2:59 PM, Wednesday, May 10th]

How are things going, CT?

I’m OK with your interaction with him so far, but never forget your focus is to make your soon-to-be-ex an ex-husband. You want to get rid of that soon-to-be…

Focus on that, and be careful not to get involved in someone’s else fight that might make your stbxh get payback by making YOUR divorce harder.