SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I appreciate those who have reached out. It’s been about 8 months since my DDay and a while since I have posted here.

A lot has transpired and it’s honestly too much to recount.

I’m going to focus on where I am now and my journey.

I started to feel like I was coming out of survival mode around august (3 month mark). Felt like I was sort of acclimating back to normal.

A major incident happened where I discovered my ex was still talking to her EA (as everyone her pointed out, I was just in denial). That was sort of the third time I had discovered her lies and that was the thing that broke the damn. I saw this look in her eyes when I discovered it and I finally realized that I know what it means when she’s lying. Her pupils dilated. I was reminded how many times I had seen that look in her eyes over the past few months. At that point I decided that there was no longer anything there between us. I could say it was my decision to "end things" but reconciling was never really ever an option.

I stopped talking to her except for logistics on my children. She moved into her own place in sept and as of now I don’t see her more than once every few weeks. We do swaps with the kids via school.

Not seeing her helped me significantly. I still have anger and it flares up from time to time. I’ve recognized a deep pain in my ribs below my heart that I now associate with my grief.

Ive dated on an off the past few months to find ways to pass the time but I am not really emotionally available beyond that.

A few weeks ago I finally moved out of the marital home and into my own place. The first time I’ve ever had a place that was 100% my own. My half time with my children is great and I try to be as present as I can when with them.

My marital home is on the market and now under contract and that will resolve sometime in feb. The divorce itself is progressing and will happen sometime in March.

Lately I’ve been trying to sit with my thoughts and feelings rather than busy myself to wash over it.

I’ve recognized that I am just profoundly alone and sad. I don’t really feel like I have anyone I can talk to. There’s my friends and family and the women I date when I do open up to them a little but realistically it’s just me and my kids now. And I know that it’s enough and that I’m enough but I’m still alone.

I’m hoping once the divorce is done and the house is sold there will be some more resolution.

I do long for a partner that I can truly be intimate with but I also know any relationship I enter into right now will end in disaster. I am still very much broken. I’ve patched myself up with tape and band aids but I feel like I’m still going to eventually break down.

Today is a hard today. Other days are easier. Still a lot of anger and resentment.

Thanks for the update and please keep us posted. I am sorry you are hurting HAB531 but happy to hear that your selfish and toxic STBXWW is about out of your life.

Hang in there man, this too shall pass...

Thank you for checking in. 8 months past dday is still so raw. That was when I decided I needed separation. I hope the healing goes faster because you split much sooner. How are your children handling it?

Man, my mind is boggled by how much you have done and how far you've come in 8 short months.

Remember, life is always a work-in-progress.

Thanks for the update.

You're really doing the right thing by sitting with your feelings and processing them, as opposed to throwing yourself into dating or partying to make up for lost time. This is just not something you can rush. You heal when you heal. Keep coming here and letting the community know how you're doing. You have a lot of support here, as you know.
She, on the other hand, has years of misery ahead of her; not that you should want that or even care. It's just an observation. the next phase of your life is beginning, and you're young and will find someone compatible with you.
Hang in there. You got this.

Hi HandB,

How are you coping with the various challenges and opportunities in your life?
Are you and your children adapting to the new house (and the old one being sold)?
Is the divorce still proceeding to be finalised in March?
Are you coping with the anger and resentment and the feeling of being alone?

We hope that you are coping and adjusting to your new normal.
Regards,
FAWH

Hi HandB,

How are you coping with the various challenges and opportunities in your life?
Are you and your children adapting to the new house (and the old one being sold)?
Is the divorce still proceeding to be finalised in March?
Are you coping with the anger and resentment and the feeling of being alone?

We hope that you are coping and adjusting to your new normal.
Regards,
FAWH

Hey FAWH,

Some days are easier than others. Valentines day was weird to be sure. Last valentines I took my spouse on a date to go axe throwing and then dinner. Afterwards she told me it was something she would rather have not done and it felt like a waste of time. At this point her affair had not started in earnest (from her messages it really started in march) but I remember that comment hurting a lot. We were going through a weird spot where she had communicated that she was losing attraction for me. I was trying to do everything she asked of me to help her be re-attracted. Its funny to look back at it a year later and to see all the signs that were right in front of my face frankly.

I'm coping the best I can. When I have my kids I focus on them. When I don't I stay busy with dates or hanging with friends and in general doing things for myself. I'm starting with a new therapist next week as my old one was starting a new job and couldn't take me with him. I'm using it as an opportunity to retell my story and not have the therapy be about my trauma and rather be progressive moving forward with my life.

My kids have adapted seemingly well. They are really good for me and we have a strong relationship. From what my ex relays, they don't behave that way for her. I can see/hear how exhausted/Frustrated she is with them sometimes.

I did a lot of work to get my new home in order as fast as possible. Everything is hung and organized and unpacked. While I cant paint, I do feel a sense of accomplishment for having done everything.

Divorce is still proceeding. We should be signing the agreement soon. House will close and be off my plate end of this month.

There's still a lot of anger and resentment. I feel myself starting to hate my ex. I don't want to but I don't know where else to put the feelings. I want her to admit how broken she is and how she fucked everything up but she's not capable of it. Everyone keeps telling me with time things will get better and I wont hate her anymore or feel this way towards her. I dont' like the idea that she'll win and that she eventually gets what it is she wanted while blowing my life apart. I need to learn to accept things.

Thank you for checking in on me. I genuinely appreciate it.