SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A good priest sent me straight to a therapist he knew who'd just graduated from the first Catholic Counselor program in the USA. He admitted he was not equipped to walk me through the whole trauma, but told me I would find her helpful, and I did. She did not push Reconciliation in the marriage I was in. Said that some people are unable to enter marriage due to psychological problems and told me I needed to understand and accept that.

12 years later, on D-Day 2, my parish priest advised exactly the same over the phone to me, after he had met with my WH (upon his release from the county jail for soliciting a prostitute - again).

Marriage is not even possible when one of the partners is so psychologically messed up as some of these cheaters are. But the maddening thing is, they don't come with any identifying labels to tell us that as we are getting to know them!

Thank you everyone. I slept most of the day. I needed it. I dare not go out in public. My eyes are so red it looks like I have pinkeye. My only worries now are saving the business, the farm, and the fur babies. I looked at taking on some temporary local trucking work at night, so if I have to buy her out, I'll have some extra cash. I don't know if this is smart or if I am just going to burn myself out.

How long did it take for you to take off the ring? I go to remove it, but I can't. It's not stuck. I just can't mentally do it.

Lawyer tomorrow; therapy and STD tests on Tuesday. For those who have been following me, first thank you so much, can you think of anything else that I need to do?

I'd also like to say that I wish I could meet you guys in person. I just need a big group hug right now. Maybe a pat on the back or two. Thank you for everything.

For those who have been following me, first thank you so much, can you think of anything else that I need to do?

You just gotta follow the simple three step plan:
1) Put your plan together
2) Go kick some ass
3) Update the plan as needed and go back to step 2

Here's how you do hugs here - (((faithfulache)))
And here's the pat on the back - (((faithfulache

Thank you SerJR. I really needed that.

I don’t say much in here as I think many others don’t. But do know we are all rooting for you. You seem much stronger and focused than I was at this point. Will echo many others saying take it to the lawyer and protect yourself. Sad as that seems after 18 years.

@FA

How long did it take for you to take off the ring? I go to remove it, but I can't. It's not stuck. I just can't mentally do it

I looked at mine as well for longer than I would like to admit, even left it on. Guess I didn't really want any questions and after a while it becomes a little part of you.

It does come off, and after about a week it won't feel so odd or wrong not to have it.

Next the advice people are giving is accurate, she is not the person you remember or thought she was, she is the person she is, and that person isn't on your side. That person will do things that will shock you, say things that leave you flabbergasted to further her plan or agenda.

If I could something different, it would be I would not have been so discombobulated after my XW's little bomb and dealt with the situation more directly, without emotion and without the memory of affection/love. It would have made things more easily processed and with less scarring I think...

Good Luck to you...you will survive.

Pulling for you faithfulache. You will make it through this.

Keep posting.

I took my ring off and never wore it again because all I saw was broken promises. I bought myself a promise ring to to put myself first. I have never put my old ring back on.

Sending you some virtual hugs. You will come out on the other side.
S2D

Thank you all for the continued support. You all said it was going to get worse and it did. Sometimes I bring in extra hay from a broker and I remember when I asked the OW a month or two ago how much we had owing on that account. She said $400. I called him up this afternoon to see if we were squared up. Apparently she hadn't paid him since the spring and we owed $4k. I promptly went to the bank and took out a few hundred and drove it to his house to show I was serious about paying off the debt. I explained everything and he was very understanding. I have a feeling that this is not the end. I got through most people on the list, but I'm worried she opened accounts on my name. I feel so stupid for trusting her. You think after 18 years you could trust someone. I was there for her through thick and thin. I can't say she'd do the same for me. Life is too short for this BS. Thanks all again. You may not know it, but you guys are keeping me going. If it wasn't for you, I don't know. I just don't know. Thank you.

Get yourself through the weekend and tomorrow will be the beginning of your action plan! We are all pulling for you!

Edited to say: such shocking jolts as having to admit to your respected community contacts what is going on in your home feel unbearable, as your relationship with everyone goes through some adjustments. But take a deep breath and know that they will not condemn you or judge you for something she did to you! (I had to endure our farmer neighbors all seeing my WH's mugshot on the nightly news and the local Crime Times magazine, talk about humuliation.) As someone told me, next month it would be old news and they would be on to talking about something else that had happened.

You are riding through probably the roughest aspects of discovery, but so far, you sound like you are doing everything you need to do, like a champion! Prayers for you, brother, and good luck seeing a lawyer tomorrow.

[This message edited by Superesse at 3:44 AM, Monday, October 30th]

Hang in there faithfulache! You will get through this. You have to process the grief and pain of such a devious betrayal on so many levels. Don’t blame yourself. You had no reason not to trust your WW in business matters. Your WW took advantage of your trust. You are a faithful partner. But your anger will come. Use your anger to help you focus to move promptly to D and to secure your finances and follow you attorneys advice. Keep track of all the money she has misappropriated. Moving ahead it will be easier to heal without your trusted partner stabbing you in the back. Take care of your health. Good luck.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:17 AM, Monday, October 30th]

Unless you gave her some sort of power to sign your name she could be breaking the law if she is writing your name on applying for cc you know nothing about. RUN to the nearest atty and start doing serious detective work on your finances.

I am sorry you continue to be blindsided left and right.

It’s just awful that you have to continue to find out new devastating things like her financial infidelity towards you. As if the cheating isn’t enough 😡😡.

It will get better. Have faith that you are doing everything you can to protect yourself. And also you have people in your side who can further protect you like your attorney.

I would advise against speaking directly with her. You won’t know if she’s recoding you and will use your words against you. If you are in a state where she does not need to tell you she’s recording you, then you need to protect yourself even further.

You will survive this. We all do. Continue to post so we can support you here. 🤗 hugs to you!

I am off to get tested for STDs today and I am nervous as hell. I'm even more nervous for the results. I envisage something terrible like HIV, but I think my mind is just stuck on worst case scenarios. Everywhere I look in the house (I'm not tearing it apart, but in normal routine), I find more and more evidence of the infidelity, like today, a search for Q-tips revealed a platinum blond dye kit and eyelash extensions. That's not her. What is really horrible about the situation is that I literally have a business that focuses on interpreting evidence (that's my vague description) and I didn't even see this.

You are doing so well. I can barely remember what happened the first few months - the cortisol or adrenaline or whatever was leaking from my body.

Make sure you eat something as amongst other issues my hair fell out from, I think, shock and/or rapid weight loss.

If you have her out of the house and you are not communicating directly you are way ahead of 99% of the rest of us.

Consider a forensic accountant for your business.

Check everything is insured.

Superesse that was a really heartening post. Some people are just sick.

I just wanted to reach out to give you my support. I am sorry that you have had to find yourself here but you have come to the right place. The good folks on here helped me keep my sanity. So please keep posting. We are all here for you.

You are in shock, I remember that stage too. It’s so hard. My mind kept trying to understand why he did it when I, like you, was a good partner, kind, thoughtful and supportive. My mind couldn’t make sense of it.

Like you my ex couldn’t decide between me and the OP initially. That hurt beyond words like he was a kid in a sweet shop. He chose her and I can see that was a blessing now.

Now I know that some people are just cheaters. They just cheat because of their own issues. It really is nothing to do with you. We can be the best partners in the world and they still do it.

The only advice I can give is what helped me. Posting on here. Phoning helplines where I could talk freely and anonymously. Going to see my doctor. Staying away from alcohol. Trying to get fresh air at least once a day.

Sending you strength. I know how hard it is.

What is really horrible about the situation is that I literally have a business that focuses on interpreting evidence (that's my vague description) and I didn't even see this.

I guarantee that you would have seen it if you were looking for it.

But why would you? When you trust your partner, and for the most part, they have been trustworthy, you are not looking for deception. That's why infidelity is so very often a blindside--we were never supposed to see it coming. I wouldn't beat myself up for something like this.

Hello Everyone. Thank you for the continued support and advice. Getting tons of exercise, drinking lots of water, and keeping busy. I went for the STD tests today and they are testing for everything since the OW's new old fling is some wannabe gangster (sorry, gangsta) rapper from "da hood." I did some more digging and this guy treats women like they are disposable napkins (sorry, napkins is all I could come up with). If she was cheating on me for Kanye, well okay, long-term financial decision, but this guy? She's literally a white country bumpkin who apparently turned to the thug life. Sorry for all the 90s references. I guess it is the bad boy appeal. Now there is a really good chance that I got something, which has made me white hot angry. I find out about HIV tomorrow and the rest by end of week. I'm putting in the late hours trying to keep the business and farm going. It takes my mind off of everything. I'd ask if it can get worse, but I already know the answer. Thanks for the support everyone and thank you for letting me vent.

Faithfulache, good for getting the STD testing out of the way and hopefully you don't have anything. I will say that when we are so agitated our bodies will sometimes produce psychosomatic symptoms we can get even more freaked out about. Deep breaths and calm thoughts for the night.

Hope you did get to your lawyer, also!

Have you spoken to a lawyer yet? You definitely need to, a lot of the financial things she has done and trying to sell your business, all sound wrong and you need to be looking at what you can reclaim but also protecting your assets from her now.

Make that a priority.