SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Good morning, SI.

I am grateful that for all the chaos that brought me here over the years, for all the chaos that at times creates big gaps for when I return; that our Heavenly creator has allowed my to have enough sanity to know when to come back, and !shockingly! remember my user name and password!

Be good to yourselves, SI peeps! Breathe in and out and just know that even that simple breath is a blessing.

[This message edited by Uxoragain at 7:00 PM, Thursday, March 21st]

SacredSoul33...thank you for your hug from last week...that means a lot . (((HUGS)))right back to you for the loss of your sister.

Uxoragain...it is GOOD to "see" you on here again !

This Thankful Thursday is a poignant one for me because it is also Maundy Thursday for us Christians. This was when Jesus showed His disciples to love one another by serving one another...and He showed this by washing their feet...even the feet of the one who would later betray Him. I have always strived to have a servant heart...and for the most part I have been very happy with serving others .

I am in NO WAY comparing myself to Jesus because I am very much a sinner!! But...on Dday...right before my H confessed to his A...I was actually sitting on the floor rubbing his feet with lotion. He is a diabetic...and he had only been home for 2 days...after being gone for about 10 weeks at that point. I was checking his feet to make sure they were alright...diabetics sometimes have issues with nerves in their feet and not having feelings sometimes. My H was still in this FUNK that he had been in since he had come home from overseas.

I told him that whatever it was he was having issues with...WE could handle it...but he needed to talk to me about it. It was then that he started crying and told me that he loved me like he never loved anyone else...but he didn't think he was in love with me anymore. Yep...the classic ILYBINILWY speech...straight from the Cheater's Handbook . Right after that...my world as I knew it changed forever. I truly don't know how Jesus did it. I still check my H's feet...but I didn't do it for a very long time after Dday...and honestly...I don't do it nearly as often as I should.

Deliberately choosing to serve someone is a very AGAPE type of love . Deliberately choosing to serve someone who has betrayed you requires a STRENGTH that I confess I don't always have. But I KNOW it can be done...because Jesus showed us the WAY to do it. I did it with my 1st H...and he proved that he was not worthy of that type of love...and that is why he is my XWH . My H has shown me how much he appreciates it when I choose to do these little acts of service for him...and that makes my servant heart SMILE .

Today though...I am under the weather...sinuses are going crazy with all of this pollen everywhere!! My H's servant heart is out and he is doing an absolutely FABULOUS job serving my needs today . This is something that he wouldn't have been bothered with 10 years ago. I'm not sick...so I could still get stuff done. But TODAY...he is having me REST...knowing that it will help me to feel better from this ICK . And TODAY...I am going to let his servant heart SMILE as he sees how much I appreciate what he does for me . I didn't realize 10 years ago how I was stifling that part of him by insisting on being the only "servant" in our relationship. That's NOT what Jesus taught!! We are to serve one another!!

So TODAY...I am THANKFUL that my H and I have learned that to have the most noblest type of LOVE is to serve one another !!

I'm thankful for my coworkers and an amazing milestone we hit today.

On this Thursday I’m thankful for spring break and the time it gives me to decompress from a stressful job. I’m thankful for my house, yard, garden and for the relative security of our lives. I’m incredibly thankful that both my kids are doing well. I’m very conscious of the many challenges and pitfalls of the teen and young adult years, and so far my kids are navigating them well. I’m also thankful for my husband. Figuring out this new post-infidelity relationship isn’t easy or fun, but he’s still the steady, kind, hardworking, thoughtful person I’ve been with for 25+ years, and I’m grateful for him.

Grieving...I LOVE your post from last week !! I have heard how grandkids are God's gift to you from not killing your kids when they were teenagers...and I can so relate to that !! It was a little challenging to say the least for several of our teenagers...but Thank God they made it through those years and have all become very well adjusted adults with children of their own .

I was actually at one of our children's house last week to watch my grandchildren while they were off for the Easter Holiday ! I don't get on SI when I am at their houses...so I didn't get to do a Thankful Thursday post...but it was so NICE to see that YOU did !!

I am a day late for my Thankful Thursday post this week...but in all honesty...EVERY DAY is a THANKFUL day for me...and today is no exception !! Although I very much enjoyed my time with my grandchildren and my grand furbabies last week...between the pet dander and the pollen...my sinuses didn't stand a chance! I came home feeling so SICK and ACHY...to chicken soup cooking on the stove . My H had made it a point to make me a comfort food that would also make me feel soothed !! I was pampered all weekend and started this week off feeling much better!

I've slept a lot this week...antihistamines tend to do that to me . But every day I got a little better and today I am going full force!! We are planning on having a weekend all to ourselves...and I am so looking forward to it !! Being empty nesters isn't all that bad!! So TODAY...I am thankful for this LIFE I have...with the LOVE of my life...my wonderful husband...who has proven he is worthy of this LOVE !!

I'm thankful for being housed, for financial stability, for the support of my parents and friends, for the professor who's using my book as part of his curriculum (so cool!), and for the collective wisdom and compassion here on SI. I'm also thankful that I was able to get a good therapist for my kid, that we can afford therapy (RIP my bank balance), and that her school is willing to accommodate some of her needs.

NoThanksForTheMemories...sounds like you have some pretty nice things to be thankful for today !!

This week was not a very eventful week...which was actually something I am pretty THANKFUL for right now . I came across a memory in my Facebook timeline that showed something that happened 10 years ago. It was pretty eventful at that time. When I thought about it...I realized that exactly 4 weeks after that event...my H met the adultery co-conspirator for the 1st time.

WOW. This particular event started a chain reaction that ended up having me leave the country where my H was working almost 3 weeks later. About 8 days after I left...he met the adultery co-conspirator for the first time. This began their A that ended when he left her country 9 1/2 weeks later. Those are cold...hard...FACTS. But oddly...until I saw it in that memories timeline...I didn't realize how SOON it was between the time that the event happened...and the time that my H actually met the adultery co-conspirator .

It was so weird to me that I never put those two events in that close of a timeline before. Granted...I didn't know the exact date they had actually met until I found out about the google timeline from a post on here a few years after Dday. By then I was just relieved that it wasn't the date we had deduced from other circumstantial evidence...which was the day after my birthday !! Seeing it right there though was a trigger...for probably a half a day.

But thankfully...it wasn't a trigger like I used to have...Thank You God . I was able to think more clearly about it...and get to the core issue of the trigger much faster without the raw emotion bubbling up first. My H and I had a good discussion about it...especially about HIS screwed up emotions and ways he had of coping with things back then. This was truly nothing about ME...but about HIM and the way he handled stress and unexpected life issues.

We are in a somewhat similar situation now...except that he is the one staying home while I am the one traveling more during this time. His thought patterns and how he handles stressful issues now are so different. He says it is much easier for him this way because it is in a truthful light. I certainly understand that ! More than that though...I can FEEL it!!

We are going to be facing some rather hectic times ahead. But THIS week was a restful one . We can be THANKFUL for that! We can also be thankful that no matter what the future holds...we KNOW we now have the tools to COPE with whatever it brings...because of the work we have done...TOGETHER. And for that...we are so very THANKFUL !

I experienced something similar last weekend when I was cleaning out my closet and came across my journal from the DDay era. I've never been able to faithfully keep a journal, before or since, but I dumped a lot into that one. We were separated and in my memory we weren't talking and interacting as much as the journal reveals that we were. The timing of several little things was not the same in the journal as it has been in my brain. Not anything monumental, but I found that interesting.

I'm grateful for plenty. I'm grateful for health and friends and family. I'm grateful for my job, even though I'd rather hit the lottery.

I'm excited to be starting semaglutide and to see where that takes me.

I'm looking forward to my appointment tomorrow with a psychiatrist to talk about ADD. I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with it my whole life and didn't know it until this year.

I'm grateful for my H who loves me just the way I am, and excited to see what some self-care can do for both of us. He's been addressing some minor medical issues that he'd been procrastinating about. He even got some Wellbutrin in hopes of trying to quit smoking again. I'm not hanging my hat on anything, but it's nice that he's even thinking of trying.

I'm looking forward to getting an estimate from the builder to see if building our new home is going to be feasible. We submitted the plans to them a couple of days ago and I'm waiting with bated breath to see what they say. We're ready to downsize. If it's not doable, I'm totally okay with looking for a smaller existing home. I'm ready for some movement on this front. It's been stalled out for a while as we worked on plans. Meanwhile, Zillow's value estimate of our current home keeps climbing as we head towards the busy summer buying season.

Wow I have been missing from here for a while, I am very thankful to be so busy that I haven't visited this thread that has been so important to me for years. Tomorrow is 1 year to the day that we rushed our Son the the ER, it has been a very eventful year with many challenges, Our Son has not been home home since and has spent many months in the hospital.

I am thankful that we did the work to heal and get to R before this storm hit. Things are going well but it is very hard for us not having our Son at home. Hopefully I can fully explain soon.

SacredSoul33...lots of EXCITING things coming up for you...woohoo!!!

Tanner...it is GOOD to "see" you back on here Coozann !! WOW...a whole year...that is quite a milestone for your little one...and your family! I am looking forward to "seeing" more of you on here...or not . ENJOY your family Cuz !!

I am so very THANKFUL for THIS thread !! I have always known that being thankful/grateful does wonders for my soul...especially at times when it is HARD to be that way. Science has proven this as well . Being grateful correlates with less depression and leads to living healthier lives.

Although I will NEVER be thankful that my H had his A...I am certainly very thankful that my H has done the work to become the person who is worthy to be MY H . I am also very thankful that I have done the work to not only heal from this...but also from the fallout of the cheating from my 1st M that I never really addressed before either. WE are very thankful that we have come out of all of this much more stronger as a couple...and somehow even more in love than ever before. YAY for putting in the WORK !!!

I remember this exercise that a therapist asked a couple to do very well. The BW wrote about it on here many years ago...to think of 3 things to be THANKFUL for each other by their next session the following week. I honestly can't remember if...at that time...I could think of 3 things to be thankful for about my H !! But...at THIS time...

1. I am THANKFUL that my H gave me 4 hugs today before going to work.
2. I am THANKFUL that my H let me know this morning that I inspired him toward his faith in God.
3. I am THANKFUL that my H's actions keep my GUT calm.

So...for TODAY...I am very THANKFUL that I can come on this thread and write about these things every Thursday . Happy THANKFUL THURSDAY everyone !!!

Tanner, that has to be very stressful. Is your son now in a good place, safe and getting good treatment?

W2BHA, I just love your optimism and caring for others. I'm thankful for you keeping this thread alive!

When I went to my ADD appointment last week, my blood pressure was very high. I'm already on meds, so I was surprised. I thought something was wrong with their machine, but they took it again three times using various methods and it was high every time. So I've been dealing with that since last week. My doc tested my thyroid and did a full blood panel, even though I just had one done a month ago, and everything was normal. So, that's good, but it leaves the question of WTH is going on? Doc said to keep tracking, double my meds, and let him know if it doesn't come down, and he'll prescribe another med. I'm getting tested for sleep apnea, and I bet that's a culprit. I could also stand to eat a little better and lose some weight, but I'm already working on that, too, with the semaglutide.

1. I'm thankful that I don't have thyroid issues! And that I have good insurance.

No movement on the house front. Still waiting on an estimate. We need to get out of our current house. We're going in the red every month and dipping into our savings since we had to do a cash-out refi.

2. Thankful that we have savings to dip into.

3. Thankful for my friends and family and modern medicine!

SacredSoul33...modern medicine is pretty amazing !!

Forty years ago TODAY is when my 1st H met the 2nd adultery co-conspirator. That set into motion the events that eventually led to me going for D with him. What seemed to be a curse at that time has truly become a BLESSING all these years later . So I can truly say that I am THANKFUL for May 9th !!

It's all about perspective...because...coincidentally...10 years ago on this day...is when my H was getting on Tagged to find strangers to meet up with to have NSA sex while working overseas. It COULD be the day he met the adultery co-conspirator online who he eventually ended up having a 9 1/2 week A with...but Tagged doesn't specifically show WHO he contacted...it just shows he was on at that time.

But TODAY...it is a GORGEOUS day here...and we are having some really GREAT family events going on today and in the upcoming days that are going to be FUN and HAPPY and just make my H and I feel very very BLESSED . After what our family has been through these last few years it is so NICE to see FUN things happening again . Like I always say...everything is so much better NOW...and NOW is what COUNTS !!!

This might be my last Thankful Thursday post for a bit because of all of the events that will be going on . I will still be thinking of all of y'all...and praying for y'all too!! But life goes on my DEAR friends and family...and my healing has taken place...and now I can HELP others in my friend and family circle like I wasn't able to do before. It is so REFRESHING to be able to just be NORMAL again !! I know you all understand what I mean!!

We have had a lot of heartache in my real life circle with the deaths of loved ones these last few years. I can now bring the tools I've learned from healing from the grief that infidelity brings to help others to heal from their grief too. I am very THANKFUL that this site helped me to learn these tools. I didn't have these tools 40 years ago when I experienced infidelity from my 1st M...and it came back full force when infidelity hit in my 2nd M. I don't want my loved ones to have to experience partial healing that will keep them from having a FULL life where they can be WHOLE again if I can help it. I am sure going to TRY anyway .

This isn't goodbye...it is just...See you Soon . THANK YOU to everyone who has HELPED me to become WHOLE again !!! Life is so GOOD...and I am HAPPY again...and I don't think I could have said this without the WONDERFUL people on this AWESOME site !!! I am so THANKFUL for Surviving Infidelity !!!

Great to see that update from W2BHA from last month on this Thankful Thursday.

I definitely spend more time offline than on these days, and it isn’t just SI, I find most of the Internet to be more unpleasant than useful these days.

I’m grateful SI is still here, so I can thank a few of the amazing people here who helped me along the way (like W2BHA) and pass along my own experiences.

Thankful for this semi-retirement mode where I get to spend more time with our adult ‘kids’ and other family and friends.

Thankful to finally be sleeping better, feeling better and finding a level of peace I wasn’t sure was possible when I first arrived here.

I think I’ve updated enough on other threads, it is time for me to jump offline again and focus on the good stuff.

I hope everyone here continues to heal!

Good Thankful Thursday Morning everyone !!!

It has been a while since I have posted on this thread...but I am THANKFUL every day...and today is no different . What IS different today is that it has now been 10 YEARS since my H last saw the adultery co-conspirator. TEN YEARS. I can remember when I was still in that painful RAW stage of finding out that my world as I knew it had been destroyed...I couldn't even fathom what 10 years out would look like. I am very HAPPY to report that 10 years out looks pretty good !!

My H last saw the adultery co-conspirator 10 years ago yesterday when he left her country to come back to America. My H confessed his A to me 10 years ago tomorrow. But 10 years ago TODAY was a day of utter confusion for me. My H was acting so STRANGE. We had been separated for about 10 weeks...the longest we had ever been separated. But he wasn't ACTING like his loving WORDS he had written to me while we were apart. He would go from being so COLD to being oddly smothering. He could barely touch me one minute...then be overly affectionate the next...to where it felt like he was putting on a show. I kept asking him to tell me what was going on. He kept telling me that he just needed to "decompress" from being in a different country and different culture. The next day EVERYTHING became painfully crystal clear .

Every day we make choices...and in the last 10 years I have made a plethora of choices...some not as good as others !!! I made the choice to go for R about an hour after I told my H that our M was over. I made the choice to forgive my H about a week after Dday. I made the choice to take D off the table about 3 years into R. I made the choice to submit to my H again about 7 years into R.

I had written about these choices on here and have had some criticism about it from well meaning folks . Everyone on here wants to HELP...but it still stung a little to read some of the doubting posts about my choices. I did what most write on here though...I took the advice that HELPED me and left the rest . This is MY life...and no one can walk THIS walk except ME. This is true for ALL of us and I can't stress that enough.

Tomorrow is the 10th Dday antiversary. BUT...tomorrow is also the 10th anniversary of our Mv2.0 ! I wrote all about it on page 13 of the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread at the Top of this Forum !! It was a very defining day for sure in my life. It nearly made me do the unthinkable. For the first time ever...I thought of ending my life . I had reached a point where all I wanted to do was get rid of this horrible pain...and death seemed to be the ONLY way to get relief. I am HAPPY to say that I found another way .

I could choose to see tomorrow as one of the worst days of my life...which it was. Or I could choose to see tomorrow as one of the days when my life's journey started on a new path. A path that brought so much PEACE...and...HAPPINESS . I made the choice to CELEBRATE tomorrow...and I am so THANKFUL that I did !!!

Hmmm ... I'm sitting on my butt when I want to be out on a bike ride, but I'm injured, and pedaling would exacerbate the pain. OTOH, and much more important, I'm very thankful that I can still ride. I'm thankful that my W supports my riding - my bike lives in the foyer of our apartment. The bike is beautiful, but ... you know ... it doesn't really belong in a foyer.

Birthday next Tuesday. People tell me I look 10 years younger than I am, and I think that's true. My hearing is messed up because of my genes, but my general health is very good because of my genes. I'm very grateful for that, too.

That's just a small part of my gratitude....

sisoon...Happy Belated Birthday !! I hope you are able to enjoy your bike SOON!! Down here we are having our daily rainstorms which happen during this time of year. But I bet the cyclers may not care about a little shower or two!! I am actually kind of thankful for that because it keeps the HEAT down .

This week is my FIRST week since May that is NOT a part of A season...a pretty good thing to be THANKFUL for ! Since I have finite times of my H's A...I have distinct memories of what I was doing while he was having his A. Those memories still sting...even more than knowing what was actually happening with him during that time...if that makes sense. But since my lil bro challenged me to STOP writing about each day during A season on here like I used to...those memories are actually starting to fade...replaced by other memories we have purposefully made during those same days...another thing to be THANKFUL for!! Who knew my lil bro would come up with such a GOOD idea ?! I am so very THANKFUL for him and other friends and "family" I have made since I have been on this Godsend of a site!!

As I wrote last week...July 19th was the anniversary of our Mv2.0 as we like to call it . It started off with a laugh...which is always GOOD!! My H gave me an anniversary card...which had a beautiful writing from him inside . But it looked VERY familiar on the outside . Sure enough...it was the EXACT same anniversary card that he had given me from our wedding anniversary just a few months before !! I had never thought about it before...but less than 2 weeks after our wedding anniversary my H started looking for NSA sex in the country where he found himself working alone after I had to leave for a family emergency back in America. Then we have our Mv2.0 anniversary 2 days after he last saw the adultery co-conspirator when he left her country to come back to America. In between these 2 anniversaries is when he had his A. Interesting. I need to ponder on this for a bit.

Anyway...the day we had PLANNED for celebrating our Mv2.0 is not the day that happened. My H started having health issues. We thought it MIGHT be from maybe the stress that had happened 10 years ago? It would come and go...but it finally got to the point where we found ourselves going to the ER. By that time my poor H was in so much PAIN . Blood tests came back showing there definitely was a problem and then he was whisked off to have a CT scan done . As I was staying in the room by myself I started thinking about what COULD happen. Those WHAT IF thoughts kept swirling through my head. I didn't like those thoughts!! ALL I wanted was for my H to be back in the room with me!!

I am very THANKFUL to report that the CT scan was unremarkable . I have never been so HAPPY to see so many things being written as unremarkable concerning different organs in his body !!! The problem was reduced to simple issues that antibiotics would probably easily take care of...Thank You God !!

My H was given IV antibiotics and pain medicine which helped him to feel MUCH better !! As we left the hospital in the wee hours of the morning...holding hands...smiling...more in love than ever...we were so THANKFUL at our own unremarkable but yet very remarkable life TOGETHER . Here's to MORE anniversaries to be THANKFUL for !!

Hello all my SI friends and family ! Y'all need to come back from y'alls vacations and spend some time writing about it in this THANKFUL thread !!! I LOVE reading all about it!!

This THANKFUL Thursday has been relatively quiet . I have come to really be THANKFUL for the quiet PEACE that is in my life now. Who knew that something so mundane as trying to decide what to cook for supper would bring me so much happiness ?!

My H has completely healed from his issues that landed him in the ER...so THANKFUL for that !!!

I was also able to visit with all of my grandkids before they start back to school . Down here we start school early...just in case we have to take time off for the hurricanes. If there are no days taken off...the kids get off in the middle of May...woohoo!! It is still early in the season...but for TODAY...I am THANKFUL for no hurricanes in our area...yet .

My grandkids get to see us together...none of our family know about my H's A. I am so THANKFUL for that . They get to see what a HEALTHY and AUTHENTIC M looks like. I am so happy we were able to work to get to this place to be able to be a living example of this . Neither of us had examples like this to guide us in our M...and we started down some pretty unseemly paths that could have ended up like our loved ones before us. Hopefully we have been able to STOP this trend!! Another thing I am so very THANKFUL for !!!

Cuz!!! It’s been a while!!! I was here every Thursday for a couple of years. Life has a way of making a left turn without notice. Our Son went to the emergency room 15 and half months ago, was admitted, and hasn’t been home since. It has been very hard on our family it’s incredibly hard to be separated (almost a year) as a family, then leaving him in a care facility, it’s heartbreaking.

But, the good news is!!!! We did it as a married couple on the same page, a great team. We were teetering on the brink of divorce 5 years ago. What would this look like trying make decisions while divorced?

I’m thankful that we did the work and she was willing to do anything to have a successful R. She is one of the strongest people I know, advocating for our Son but giving many hours of time and support to other Mothers with special needs children. I’m very thankful to be in the will of God.

I'm thankful that it's the 20th anniversary of my DDay and I feel NOTHING. It's just a regular ol' day!

I'm thankful that my H is working with me to create a budget and stick to it.

I'm thankful for "enough."

Tanner...it is GREAT to "see" you back on here Coozann !! Your sweet little guy has AMAZING parents looking out for him...but what a rollercoaster you two have been on (((HUGS))). Thank God y'all are on it TOGETHER...lifting each other up as needed . It is hard to put into words the FEELING that comes from weathering a storm like infidelity...and coming out the other side of it much stronger as a couple. But Y'ALL know that feeling now...and it IS worth fighting for...because you BOTH were ALL IN . I am so PROUD of you Cuz for the STRENGTH you showed through all of this...yet you gave GRACE too when needed. I am very PROUD of her too for doing the work she needed to do to prove herself worthy of another chance !! I am so THANKFUL for my SI family !!!

SacredSoul33...OOOO...I LIKE your post too !! YAY for feeling NOTHING about a Dday...that is definitely something to be THANKFUL for!!! I'm not there yet...but it gets better every year...and I'm at the 10 year mark...so I have something to look forward to .

TODAY I am THANKFUL that our school aged grandchildren started school without a hitch . The next few weeks will be touch and go...but if we can get through the next month without a hurricane hitting our area...we will be able to breathe a little easier .

The storm that did come through...Debby...did push more shrimp our way...so today I am THANKFUL to be able to process some to put in our freezer . I just hope another hurricane doesn't come through here and knocks out the power to where we lose all of that awesome shrimp before we can get our generators running !!!

I am also THANKFUL that I can use the cute laughing emoji as well as some of the other pretty emojis now . When I first got on here...I used that barf emoji and mad emoji A LOT!!! I try not to use them anymore...I much prefer the more positive ones !!! I would be ever so HAPPY if a certain "power that be" could somehow put a HUGGING emoji there somehow too . I would use that one OFTEN !!!