SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You should look up Karma in the dictionary. Whether you know it or not, you're living it!

Sometimes I wish that divorce discovery didn't give me that access, but I still have access and it's giving me a bit of a smile.

And you don't even know.

Wow, you're actually going to do it. It's coming. I can feel it. Hell, I can READ it.

Where is your BRAIN? Oh yeah, 1975. Frozen in time.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:29 PM, September 5th (Wednesday)]

I want to text you, to connect with you. It's been a struggle all day. You do not think of me nor are you worth a thought from me. You, you you. Twenty years of 'it' being all about you, I'm still allowing you to be important to me. But, minor victory, I didn't text you and give you the satisfaction of knowing you are even a thought. I wanted to send a picture from the patio of a beautiful peaceful evening...but my brain over ruled my heart so here I am staying no contact and posting here.

F*ck you and your stupid Switzerland cheater apologist shits of friends. The fact they've contacted me out of the blue after six months to ask me about house finances? How stupid do you think I am? F*ck you and your emotional abuse and manipulation. You tried to destroy my career, knowing that you were going to leave, but not before I'd worked my ass into the ground paying off that mortgage. And you accused me of being money obsessed, while you bought $10000 bikes and tractors and ski holidays with that drunkard of a best friend of yours.

You entitled jerk. There were so many other ways you could have done this, but you chose the most painful one, and you're annoyed that I'm not willing to be your friend.

So close to signing everything. I am sad, but I won't show it. I'm glad you are finally sad. But I'm also glad you know there's nothing more you can do. It's over and we're done.

You f-ed up your child's health insurance? You are one f-ed up man to do that and not give a shit.

Divorce is filed. House is refinanced. Lease is soon to be signed. I have new electric, cable and internet. I have new furniture in the works.

But I have sadness, too. I'm sorry it went this way. I still think it's the right thing for both of us to be happy. I don't feel the love I used to feel for you. I feel nostalgic for the love we had.

I know, because of our love for our son, that we will never be too far apart. I don't wish to "never see you again," but I definitely need some time. I hope you can understand that.

I forgive you for your infidelity. I might have done the same. It's over now and so is our marriage. We can both start anew.

Six years. Six years you lied to me.

You expended so much energy trying to make me feel I was wrong or crazy for thinking you would lie to me, but you did. You lied to me over and over again. You convinced me and others I was unreasonable when I got upset about the things I felt you did, but it turns out I was right. I should never have trusted you, but i did; I wanted to. I wanted to believe in you.

I thought you were better than this. I thought you were a better person, a better woman than to do something so low as this. But I guess this was really who you were all along. You will never know how hard it has been for me to come to terms with this. To realize this is who you are, who you’ve always been.

Six years of lies, broken promises. Six years of enduring your words never matching your actions. Six years of apologies that never amounted to any change. How often I tried to change for you, never understanding why things never got better. But now I realize it wasn’t because I was broken, you were. I kept trying to fix things that didn’t need to be fixed when all the while the thing that was broken was you.

And six years of gaslighting and smokescreens. Six years of betrayals. Six years of never being put first, always coming second to other people and other things. There always seemed to be something more important to you than me. No matter how I told you I felt, how I felt by things you said or did. You’d hurt me and make everyone believe it was my fault. And I never knew about it until they came after me later. I kept wondering why all of the sudden people were turning against me for seemingly no reason, and it turned out you were steadily poisoning the well behind my back; always the perfect family when I was around, but what kinds of lies did you tell when I was home cooking meals for you, doing your laundry, balancing our budget, caring for our kids, fixing the house, landscaping the yard, teaching our kids about God.

In the end, at the end you were being a lying, cheating adulterer while I was trying to be a faithful husband fixing his marriage. Fighting a battle where I didn’t know you were casting me as the enemy.

Bastard wanker

My poor kids. You treated me like shit and you're out of your fucking mind taking them to your new GF's house the same day you tell them you're moving out. What a fucking asshole. You can't even make this shit up.you managed to see them 3 time in a month and each time your sorry, weak ass had to have your girlfriend tagging along.

Why don't you grow a conscience, you spineless piece of garbage. You're hanging out with literal teenagers and pot head losers and you're 35 years old. you were a good dad a one point, wtf. You aren't even interested in the kids anymore, so just fade out.

Things have been moving along well and we are almost divorced. You couldn’t be faithful yet you are mad at me.

Yesterday you informed me that you will be moving out of state in a few months. You will be taking your dog away who I have a couple days a week to play with my dog. He was with me for nine mths while you recovered. You have nerve enough to tell me to spend as much time as I have left with him. You know he will miss me and my dog as he came here as a pack of three. Then you tell me they won’t miss each other.

Then you text me today to say you won’t miss anything from here.

I 100 percent believe your moving is best for all parties. I will miss that little pup like crazy.

But I will not fight or argue with you anymore. I refuse to fall for any more of your tricks.

Now you're sad? I still can't tell. You have such high, icy walls. It must be cold in there.

I felt guilty taking a friend to a concert instead of you. Last month I didn't, now that we've filed, I feel guilty. Despite everything you did to me and how peacefully we have divorced, I feel sad that you are sad. But I can't take you to shows like that. I can't take you on "dates." You just aren't that woman for me anymore.

Go fuck yourself. To never have mentally evolved past a 4 year old child...how very sad and pathetic.

Get the fuck out of my life. No one likes you. No one.

Fucker.

Bite me, cluster B disaster.

I’m humiliated yet again. You have the stupidity to take the SLUT on a service call with you on a Saturday in our company truck? The customer said she was an airhead. I knew it wasn’t you because she didn’t know anything about electricity. He’s never met me but at least he knows what a lowlife cheater you are now. Maybe you can bankrupt our business before we go to trial. Tears and heartache I’ve had way more than I can swallow. Enough

You thought all your problems would be solved with a shiny new vagina. But what you got was a highly used hole for semen deposits.

You say she's your friend. No, she is a whore and you are her bank.

Hope you are happy with the arrangement because you aren't her last, you are just her next until someone else comes along who thinks they need a shiny new vagina.

Lying next to our babies listening to them breathe and thinking about our future. We never have to put up with your lying, sneaking, moods, betrayal, snappiness, lack of effort, alcohol hiding, alcohol dependant, debt ridden self again. We’re going to be free of you in (hopefully) under six months. I know you’ll still be the boys’ father but you won’t be part of our little family and you won’t be my husband. I won’t be associated with you, you pathetic worthless piece of shit.

That last game you played... fact is... it was your last. No one uses my babies as pawns to feed an ego driven monster... no one! Certainly not their crappy father!

I’m flipping excited... I can see light. I don’t want to go back there.

One week to go before move out. A few thousand dollars to exchange. Furniture to move and that's that. I don't think this over, it's just changing. I'm sad that it's the beginning of the next step toward the end. I'm sad and I'm scared and I'm lonely.

But

I'm also excited. I look forward to sleeping. I look forward to not being paranoid or jealous. I look forward to not snooping. I look forward to not wondering what you are thinking about. I no longer have to worry that you are going to break down and beg or flip out and go nuts.

I am excited to buy new stuff. Pick out whatever the heck I want. I am excited for freedom. I am excited to have one week with my kid where we can do whatever *we* want. I am excited to have one week off from my kid where I can do whatever *I* want. I look forward to getting my life back.

Bump

Dear WW,

We were married for 13.5 years and together for 15 years. In all that time you have lied to me.

You lied to me about your teenage years, your trauma, and your relationships. You lied to me then and even now I doubt I am getting the full story. The only reason I am getting anything now is because I found out from other sources.

In the beginning we were good, but it was just the honeymoon phase. After that ended, you realized you wanted to be away. Instead of opening up and talking it out or even just leaving then, you stayed and lied and lied.

I caught you having an EA 12 years ago. I didn't know it had a name, but I talked to you about it, but you ignored me and pushed past until I myself had to put an end to it. It should have been your decision, yes... but you ran over my opinions and feelings on the matter. I forgot about it, you didn't.

You mentioned now that a few years after that you wanted to leave again. You said it was while I was in the hospital. Maybe its a lie to hurt me, I don't know... but looking back, I was in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt. So if there is any truth to wanting to leave then... well, if you don't see the twisted disgusting perversion of that situation, then I don't think you ever will.

Yes, I was emotionally unavailable and I shouldn't have been, but I was also learning I had Bi-Polar and I had no idea how to handle it. I understand you had no idea either, but instead of weathering the storm together, you wanted to run. In fact, I am not convinced you didn't.

In all of this I learned to open up and be available emotionally and ask for emotional help, but you didn't. You retreated from me. I gave you your space and let you tear down all my boundaries because I felt I owed it to you for going through my mental illness with me. But that was unhealthy and you didn't truly go through it with me. I look back and you always passed me off on my family and friends. You were there physically, but not emotionally. Through the years when I asked you not to go out or to work because I felt unsafe, you would either call a friend or stay in the house but go off and watch TV. I felt so alone and unwanted.

As time went on you complained about everything. The house wasn't good enough, the cars weren't exactly what you wanted, you didn't have enough animals or kids or the food you wanted or the clothes you wanted. I overloaded and got so down I literally gave up and became disabled. Nothing I did was good enough. Even my friends noticed. I was in denial at the time, but they would talk to me about it and worried that I just let you walk all over me.

You didn't like my friends because they were honest and forthcoming about their feelings and you didn't like to be judged or told what you liked was morally wrong. Then you found the friends you liked... adulterers. I brought this up but was shot down repeatedly. You would never do such a thing because you loved me.

Years went by of this, and eventually you started complaining about my looks. I was too hairy, I should have a beard, my hairstyle was not what you liked, I should dye my hair, I should work out and get washboard abs. But when I wanted to talk about it, you said I was perfect the way I was and you loved me.

I wanted to put up marital boundaries, but I would get stonewalled and you used gaslighting and I walked away feeling confused and worried.

Eventually I started to only half ass trying. I stopped confronting you knowing it would lead nowhere. I would still voice my opinions on things, but I would be told I need to trust you and my problems were mine not yours. You told me I had no right to know what was going on in your life, that its your private life and you can hide it from me if you want. WRONG!!!

I tried everything until only sex was left between us. You would give me your body, but I wanted your heart and soul... but you never gave them to me.

Then one day you said you were unhappy. You wanted to talk to a therapist first, and in my anxious mind (I knew what you were up to) I pushed. You always had the choice to leave it, but you wanted justification and said I "forced" you to open up. I have yet to find another person besides your and your BFF that thinks I forced anything: therapists, friends, family... anyone.

I did some digging and confirmed you were after sex, but you denied and denied. Your story changed a few times these last few months, but I am going with the evidence and your actions. You wanted sex, to hide it and keep me on the line for money and stability. If not for my best friend, I would have fallen for it and given you everything you wanted and even allowed you to sleep around without me knowing.

7 guys in less than that many weeks, and who know how many more now and yet no matter what I say I always end up apologizing. You tell me you apologize all the time and yet you haven't.

You got me to agree to no Child Support or any consequences at all really. Whatever, I am done fighting you. Life will catch up eventually, so enjoy your life.

You are a horrible, cruel, manipulative, lying cheating sorry excuse for a human being and you found similar animals.

I am free of you.