SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I love that, Ellie: “I want them to like ME, not some social persona.” That is so wise.

The day before yesterday, I admitted to my friends that I’ve been feeling really happy at times and really scared at others, because I really care about them, and I’m scared of losing them. It was scary to admit that, but I haven’t lost any friends nor heard anyone get irritated or say they don’t want to babysit me. There’s this huge sense of relief, like maybe these friendships are a bit more real now. A bit more solid and enduring.

Mr. Cupcake no longer takes up my thoughts. I got movies yesterday, and he was there, and I didn’t feel attracted to him anymore. I’m not attracted to aloofness, to people who make you feel that no matter what you do, you’ll never be “enough” for them - not because I’m not enough, but because he will always look down on me. And that’s not attractive.

I’m seeking out more of that inner peace you all have been encouraging me to find, and you’re right - it is the warmest, most comforting feeling. Feels like soon, I’ll be able to rest for a bit without anxiety waking me up. Isn’t that lovely?

[This message edited by silverhopes at 6:11 AM, March 11th (Thursday)]

So besides having moments of 3:00 am insomnia (writing is always a good thing in my book btw), how've you been doing silver? Sounds like you've really been working to be enough for you without inedible cupcakes filling the void. So Spring is here and there's more color going on...things are blooming and there's more light...

Hi Chili! I am feeling much better. Very much uninterested in inedible cupcakes and very sorry for the poor girl eating them. If I knew her, I would probably warn her. In any case, I can do so much better. And so definitely enjoying Spring instead! Teaching a botany class, which is both fun and scary. Writing a lot in my nature journal.

I was at a restoration site on Friday pulling out a certain invasive plant, and there was poison oak all over the site. Silly me thought I could just power through and use Technu afterward. Turned out we had these special moist wipes that were supposed to work against poison oak, but silly me had already drank all my water and thus couldn't do the washing after the moist wipe treatment. Yeah, so guess who has poison oak now? It's not bad, and to me it actually is kinda funny - I feel like my bull-headed 14 year old self for a second. But the rare plants are a little safer, so this is worth it!

(Plus, Technu has an anti-itch spray that I just got in the mail that, to quote Lil Silver, smells "like a forest of unicoooooorns!!!" He is WAY too enthusiastic for 10:30pm.)

Maybe if the insomnia hits tonight, I'll work on some fan fiction. Do you like to write, Chili?

I am feeling much better. Very much uninterested in inedible cupcakes

So glad you are doing well Silver

And how adorable is your lil one with his ‘forest of unicorns’ !!!!

Look at you girlfriend - all that wonderful stuff going on. I just love it.

Have you ever thought about doing plant rescue work? It's pretty cool - before they break ground on construction - the group goes in to rescue native plants and wildflowers and find new homes for them. It's getting to play in the dirt and do identification and investigations with a neat purpose. You would be fabulous at that.

As for Tecnu - that stuff is the bomb. When younger, I used to be able to roll around in oak and ivy but of course, didn't realize it was a sensitizer and the more you're exposed that eventually...yeah. These days, when I weed, I just put on the long-sleeve white shirt and gloves and get on with it. One touch will get me. Toopid. I've not see the spray - is it a pre or post thing? Unicorn forest, huh? I think the wash has a lemony/earthy smell so I can see that.

Oh as for the writing - I've been known to write a little from time to time.

Keep us updated with all your awesome adventures.

And how adorable is your lil one with his ‘forest of unicorns’ !!!!

I love his expressions! I need to write them down more. How are you doing, Karmafan?

Have you ever thought about doing plant rescue work? It's pretty cool - before they break ground on construction - the group goes in to rescue native plants and wildflowers and find new homes for them. It's getting to play in the dirt and do identification and investigations with a neat purpose.

This sounds so cool, Chili!! How have I never heard of this before?? This is exactly the kind of work I would love to do!

I think the anti-itch spray might be a post thing. But I got some other goods too - the regular Technu for "bathing" in it post-exposure, Ivy-X wipes for immediately after an encounter (good for carrying in the field!), a gently exfoliating Technu scrub... Hmm, come to think of it, these are all post-exposure, aren't they? I should probably search for some pre-exposure products...

As for adventures - I finished teaching the botany series recently. People seemed to enjoy it. Been working a lot with cohosting and behind-the-scenes stuff (increasing responsibilities - good but kinda nerve-wracking at times), continuing to lead the group meetings twice weekly, and sneaking out into the field to do restoration work every week.

Mr. Cupcake remains Mr. Cupcake. I go to get my chai and other goods, sometimes he's there, and I don't worry overly much of how he's acting or what he thinks of me, no matter how friendly he is (actions speak louder than words - consistent actions, to be precise). And if I do find him in my head, then I reset myself very gently and easily, with no angst. I think of him as a mirage - he may seem appealing from a distance, but once you realize there's nothing there, the imagery loses its appeal.