SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

2.5 years ago, I met the sweetest, kindest man. We had a good relationship until his ex decided that she wants him back. Apparently she has cancer and doesn’t want to die alone. He has never figured out how to have relationships with his adult children. She wants to be a family again. He feels guilty and has a sense of displaced loyalty. We ended things. I Was very stoic but am so hurt. He told his sister that he never deserved me ( I am in better shape financially and health wise). Perhaps I dodged a bullet or maybe it hurts so bad because it grazed me. We are in lockdown here and I am going to be lonely.

I’m so sorry for you. He seems to have some sense of obligation to the X.

There are some mental health issues ( hers) and codependency (theirs). Logically I just don’t see it working out. I will be healing and moving on

((((AB)))) I’m so sorry she played the health card. Pretty manipulative.

I do wish you healing and peace— and perhaps you really did just dodge a bullet.

Take care of yourself.

Thank you BearlyBreathing. I am still processing, but peace and healing will come in time. I wish that I could see things ending well for him but have to remind myself that it’s not my circus, not my monkeys

You dodged a bullet.

Might not feel that way now. Remember that no feeling is final. The grief you feel now about him will change over time. He may be sweet and kind, but there was something in him that could not anchor him to you. Compassion for the ex-wife, nostalgia, whatever. You deserve better in a partner.

Also, the pandemic will be over soon. It may seem lonely now but in a matter of months, we'll all be digging out of our shells.

Thank you FableGirl. I think I did dodge a bullet, but I also know that he showed me my worth. How’s that for irony. I will heal better than how I felt going into my relationship with him.

AngelBetrayed, I'm so sorry. I can relate to your feelings, as I had a 2.5yr new beginning relationship end abruptly last August. 8 months later, I'm still struggling with it. In my case, she called me on the phone, told me she wanted to break up, didn't want to discuss it, and then ghosted me. I discovered a couple months later that there was another guy in the picture. Not sure if this was your first serious relationship post-divorce or not, but I understand the hurt that you are feeling right now. It will get better in time. And, yes, you dodged a bullet, because the right person for you wouldn't be so weak to abandon you. But, just because you dodged a bullet doesn't mean it doesn't hurt - I'm sure it hurts quite a bit. Hang in there. Read, focus on yourself, and chalk this up to a learning experience. You deserve better, and you will find better. Stay strong and keep posting.

He told his sister that he never deserved me

This non deserving bs really gets on my nerves. What's that supposed to mean? And what's it going to achieve? Fill you with gratitude because he is altruistically letting you go? Make him feel better about himself because he's really just doing you a favor?

This is not to say that it's not true. This guy absolutely doesn't deserve you, not one bit of you. But to use it for self-absolution the way he's doing....that's disgraceful

The non-deserving part to me is just a way to justify his actions. However my friends and children are all telling me the same thing. Iof course they would, they are on Team Angel. I have come to realize that if someone can leave so easily, they weren’t meant to be part of your life. I wish him happiness but logically think this is doubtful. And not so secretly, I hope he misses everything about me

Karmafan. Thank you. I needed to hear that his using my deserving more as a means of absolution is disgraceful. I had not thought of it that way. Just another way that he has shown that he was not worthy of my love.

I had an epiphany and realized that by him leaving her, she won’t invite herself into my life. That’s two bullets dodged.

[This message edited by AngelBetrayed at 6:19 PM, April 30th (Friday)]

Excellent epiphany!!! That's so true.

The "I didn't deserve you" is the biggest bunch of self-pity bullshit. Hate it. As soon as a guy has said that to me (or "I don't deserve you") it makes me run the other way. I want a healthy adult that knows his own worth and adds to mine, not competes or takes away from it.

Good job. I wish you well.