SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have been single for over two years now, I'm a 60 y/o professional female, and have been trying OLD for several months...I have been on quite a few dates, but tonight was a first for me. After 'meeting' this fellow online, texting for a few weeks, then talking on phone several times, we made plans to meet this evening at a local restaurant for dinner. It was confirmed via texting today 6 hrs before the scheduled time, and then he doesn't show up! And I haven't heard a peep! No apology, no excuse, just radio silence.

I can usually spot the scammers online, and realize that the entire OLD is kind of a big cesspool, but come on....why agree to meet if there's no intention to follow through? This guys story seemed legit... retired military, two sons in the service, one 23 y/o college graduated daughter living with him to help get her on her feet (but she's paying rent and sharing utility expenses), volunteers with Veterans, similar interests in hobbies, music, etc.

I wondered how you all have handled this? Would you respond at all? Ask if anything happened? Send a scathing text or voice mail asking if he had a massive heart attack or car accident? It just pisses me off that my time was so wasted and disrespected. For me not to acknowledge his "No Show" seems like I'm tucking my tail between my legs and not speaking my outrage at this callous behavior. I did enough of that during my shit show of a marriage!

If you've been stood up, how did you respond, if at all?

I wouldn’t waste my time giving him a second thought. If on the off chance something kept him from meeting you, he should contact you. If he was just blowing you off he’s not going to care how you feel about it. In the meantime, good luck in the cesspool of OLD.

[This message edited by AngelBetrayed at 10:43 PM, May 10th (Monday)]

I'm part of the "stood up" club. Unfortunately my situation was even worse: this was a neighbor I had gone out with twice. Both times we had a great time (his words; not just my interpretation). A week or two after the second date, I asked him if he wanted to get together the next day in the afternoon. He said sure. I then specifically said "are you sure you're not busy?" (because he said he had a quick work obligation in the morning), and he replied with "not at all. I'll text you when I'm done and we'll decide what to do."

He never texted. I was dressed and ready to go, and he never texted. I checked my phone 453663474 times all day long and he never texted. I was completely stood up.

Seven days later - SEVEN DAYS! - he sent me a text that said "sorry I didn't get in touch with you last week, things have been really busy at work". Uh, ok. I can totally see how someone can be SO busy that they couldn't have found time to send a 2 second text that said "something came up, not going to be able to get together after all".

I've unfortunately ran into him twice since he stood me up (we live in the same neighborhood which is just great ), and both times I've just said hello and maybe made a comment about the weather. I never brought up how he stood me up, although I really, really want to ask him why he did it...and tell him he's a piece of shit for doing so. My thinking is that if I ask, it will make him think I was affected by it (which I was, and still an if I'm being honest) and I don't want him to think I care. He humiliated me, but I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know that he did.

I'm sorry this happened to you, Palmetto. Any guy (or girl) who would stand someone up is an absolute jerk.

[This message edited by thisisterrible at 1:21 AM, May 11th (Tuesday)]

Ugh. I’m so sorry that you dealt with that. I’ve never been stood up in person-but it seems almost everyone shows up 10-15 mins late without a text/call/apology. Not sure if it is a power thing, manners, or just not that interested. Next!

However, it has happened w phone or video call “dates” for a confirmed date/time. Two of them I was calling. No answer. Just sent a “hi, it’s Annie from Bumble. Just calling as we discussed.” Two others texted me an hour later they were now available. Next.

Then I decided I would make it clear in the future, I was looking forward to their call. Another guy, confirmed date/time. Nothing. The following morning he texts that he got busy with his teenage son and then went right to bed. No apology. Beautiful day type message. I replied that time with your child is certainly valuable, but so is mine. I wish you the best.

I give you those (few of SEVERAL) examples in that I am of the opinion...you get one chance to make a first impression. Someone can have all sorts of things going on, it takes 5 seconds to text today. I don’t have time for rudeness or games. I’m more important and valuable then that. So are you.

Don’t respond at all. If by small chance he reaches out (doubtful) then you take the 5 seconds to succinctly tell him that you are no longer interested after he did not show for the confirmed date. Wish him well. Press send. And do not respond again. Move on and along. You deserve better.

Not dating (yet?), but What. An. ASSWIPE!!!!!!!!

Block the fucker and move on.

After 'meeting' this fellow online, texting for a few weeks, then talking on phone several times

,

My advice for the future, try to have an in-person meeting within a week. Texting for a few weeks, and several phone calls... Way too much. Even if he showed up, if there was zero chemistry, you would have wasted time on him, in a sense. And if someone is going to stand you up, you don't waste weeks on them before you find out, only a few days. Much easier to recover emotionally, I would think.

I'm no expert at online dating, but I've been on several first dates in the past 2 years. With the exception of early on in the pandemic, I always have an in person meeting within a week. I haven't been stood up, but it was good to know early on whether or not there was a future chemistry-wise. The pandemic story, I texted and talked on the phone with a man for several weeks. When we finally met in person for a distance walk, I felt no chemistry. Lesson learned.

Your guy is a douche and a coward. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 11:48 AM, May 11th (Tuesday)]

I am sorry this happened to you Palmetto. It’s a lot more common than you think. I have been been back on OLD for a month now and lost count of how many false starts I have had. Some you take or leave, some hurt that little bit more because you really thought you had connected at a deeper level, but that doesn’t stop them from doing a Houdini on you.

It’s so much more honourable to be honest and upfront and tell someone that you are not really ‘feeling’ it rather than leading them on and then ghosting them. Not showing up for an appointment is the lowest of the low, and certainly not what you would expect from a ‘gentleman’ of that age.

That said, having a go at him or venting your frustration would achieve very little. For someone who has no qualms standing you up, that message would be but a small annoyance, and a confirmation that you were into them more than they were into you. And they don’t deserve to know that

Silence can be so powerful. I had a number of people initially ghosting me then ‘reappearing’ weeks later because they hadn’t heard a peep. So used they were to being chased that, when that didn’t happen, they were left bewildered. Because an angry message, for people like that, is still an ego kibble.

[This message edited by Karmafan at 3:20 PM, May 11th (Tuesday)]

Thanks to all of you for your feedback. I did not send any type of response, and I absolutely agree that "you only get one chance to make a first impression," and this guy blew it! So "next".... I'm moving on, taking your sound advice to schedule future initial face to face meetings within a week of initial contact.

Good for you Palmetto. OLD really brings out the inconsiderate in people. Probably was a blessing in disguise.

I have been stood up twice. And I was asked out by them.

I too moved on.

I've been stood up and it was a very bad feeling.

You are so smart to not take it personally, view it as a blessing in disguise and carry on.

What a jerk.

Ugh - I am sorry this happened.

I did have this happen. He was a legit guy that I had actually saw in person prior.

Just think of these initial meetings as a job interview. If this guy can't show up (on time or at all) and doesn't even bother with a follow-up....then he is not a candidate for the job of being in your world.

I know it is hard to view it this way, but I looked at it as him doing me a favor early on!

I.E., it saves us time and energy for someone that isn't worth it.

Oh....and they usually DO circle back around again. Do yourself a favor and block him asap.

I had a “no-show” about two years ago. We had actually texted right up until the date confirming time/place etc. Honestly, I can’t even remember at this point if we can ever spoken on the phone.

I went to the casino where we were supposed to meet. He never showed up, I had a good time anyway. I think I might’ve texted him once to see if he was there, no reply so I never sent anything else.

Months later, he contacted me through OLD again. I guess he forgot that we had already tried to meet up before. I suggested the same casino for later that night. Don’t know if he ever showed up that time, since I blocked him didn’t go.

Ha ha. I hadn’t given it a second thought until I saw this post.

I have heard this happens quite often.

Men (and women, too, I’m sure) make online profiles to “see what’s out there,” get an ego boost, receive attention kibbles, etc. and have no interest in a real relationship. Some are already in relationships, some are single / available but simply aren’t interested in a relationship when their ego can be fed more easily and cheaply with online chats.

I’m sorry this happened to you, but take it as a lesson learned. In the future, avoid lengthy chats and texting before meeting up. Obviously, go at a pace that makes you feel comfortable, but anyone reluctant to meet even for a quick coffee should be a red flag.

I mark this kind of stuff "no response needed" and vote with my feet!

I know it's hard to not take this sort of stuff personally. I got stood up for homecoming. Come to think of it, I got cheated on.

This stuff stings. However, if aan chooses to not want to be in my sparkling 🦄🦄 presence now I don't have time to rent space in my head to him.

Best wishes that your next date will show and end up being the love of your life.

I have been curious for awhile tho if pricier services like matchmaker services would yield a higher quality of man?

And to be clear I have zero experience with on line dating..