SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have always struggled with spending money on myself. If I needed something, I didn't look for something I liked. I looked for what was cheapest. The cheapest black skirt on the sale rack would do. The cheapest pair of shoes on the clearance aisle would do.

Even stuff like hand soap. The cheapest was fine.

I never had anything pretty.

Now, I have pretty things. It doesn't matter that I live alone and only I will see the pretty new tumblers in the cupboard.

It doesn't matter that only I will use the expensive lavender hand soap in the bathroom. It doesn't matter that I sleep alone in my bed, I want a pretty bed and I'm saving for one.

I'm buying myself a purse that I don't need, for my birthday. Either Anushka or Johnny Was, one with birds on it.

I used to drink my coffee out of a big mug that he bought from Yosemite when we went there on our anniversary about 8 years ago. Every time I drank my coffee, it reminded me of him, but I was too cheap to get rid of it.

Well I dropped it and it broke the other week and this morning I bought a new mug for myself. With a mermaid on it, because I like mermaids.

I'm worth the lavender hand soap and the pretty bath towels and the new dishes and the nice bed sheets. I was always worth those things, I just never believed it before now.

Yes, you are worth these things and so much more! How awesomely freeing it is to be able to get these things for ourselves now, and appreciate them! I often set myself a 'goal' of a specific item I want just for me...and when I have saved enough to get it, it means more than I can put into words! You ARE worth it!

Freetogonow, what an awesome post! It’s all part of the getting to know and love yourself that follows the ravages of infidelity.

I am still struggling to treat myself, but I am getting better at it. And like you, I no longer buy the cheapest soap on the shelf, go to the cheapest hairdresser in town or buy sales items only etc

But for me it’s not so much things but experiences. I love travelling and plan on resuming as soon as this pandemic is over. I had so many cancelled trips over the past twelve months and I am itching to go again!

FTGN, I could have written your post.

Love it!!

That's what I'm talking about when I say date yourself! I love it. That's absolutely fantastic. There's no "only" I will see it, there's "I will see this and love it". It's all about making yourself happy in your home. The fact that you will see it and love it is the whole point. This is so healthy.

Such a great post and the reason I stay on SI - i love to read stuff like this! So happy you are treating yourself so well - it's an incredible joy in life to have beautiful things surround us!

That's amazing and well deserved :)

I buy all sorts of things that make my weird little heart happy. My house will never win awards for decorating, but everything here is 100% mine. I now work from home so it's even more vital for me to love my environment.

My favourite purchase has been one of those announcement boards that you can mix letters up to form sentences. It's on the mantel in the entry way. My kids like to leave funny messages there for me - right now, it says "Welcome to the shit show"

Yes freetogonow you are definitely worth the good stuff! I hope you realize that now.

I know what you mean.... when I was married my (now ex) wh wouldn’t let me have more than 4 pairs of shoes. Today I have 50 pair and it makes me smile whenever I look at them.

Freetogonow, I love your post. I love that you are treating yourself with love and care!

My house will never win awards for decorating, but everything here is 100% mine

.

Yes! I've lived in much larger and more impressive homes with my ex, but I'm obsessed with my little home because it's mine. I never felt at home with him, he had a way of making me feel like a low-key unwelcome guest all the time. My ex always wanted our yard to be just so and impressive to the neighbors. My favorite flowers are daisies and he didn't like them because "they look like weeds." Consequently I never even looked at our flower beds or gave a shit. I'm literally obsessed with my flowers now . . . and I have SOOOO many daisies. And pots and pots full of everything else that I like all over my porch. And 3 cats - he hates cats.

Courageous- 4 pairs of shoes??? Wtf!

I had started doing and buying things I wanted before xpos left (I think that was part of why he felt it was time to leave - because he could no longer control every little thing about me!) and it is so much more satisfying now since I don't have him giving me crap about it. And I also look at MY things now and smile.

I love your attitude and I think your name says it all......

Seriously?! 4 pairs of shoes????

I feel the same with sexy things. I was waiting for him to see them and I started a while back to wear them all the time. it gives me a little skip in my step. we are worthy of all this. even the tiny things or things people wont see. we know, and it makes us smile.

Oh I have totally experienced all that.

When I was married, we never seemed to have enough money. So I never bought anything for myself. It didn't bother me. But I'm much better with money, so now there is money to spend on myself. I love it!

Also, my ex was weird about my underwear. He always wanted me to wear granny panties. Now I buy my own underwear. I choose pretty underwear with lace and silk. I feel so much sexier now.

Yes all that and so much more!

Gosh, are you in my head? Way to go!

When I divorced I moved over 500 miles away. New house, new things. I didn't argue over possessions when I divorced because truthfully, I needed a new start. Ex claimed almost everything. I think he wanted me to fight for it. I was too exhausted to care. The only things that were non-negotiable were the kids possessions, my framed photographs, and my Christmas tree ornaments. I hated having to furnish everything as I was starting over on my own, but I don't regret using part of my savings to do it. My home is not extravagent, but it's cozy, warm, and inviting. I love that part of it.

I'm so happy you are focusing on you. Do it! For the first time in my life I have purchased intimate pieces for ME! There's nothing wrong with getting dressed up from time to time and enjoying that part of myself because it makes me feel good. I may be the most dressed up patron at the AMC with the sexiest underwear, but I feel good doing so!

[This message edited by Hutch at 3:35 PM, June 16th (Wednesday)]

..I have that mindset about looking for what's on sale or getting stuff at thrift stores instead of paying full on 'Retail' prices..

but a while back I went completely crazy. I started buying Haagen Daas Strawberry in those little tubs...$6.99... I finally said yes..I'm worth it!!

I have 8 of them in our freezer.

Wouldn't want to run out eh?!

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 9:13 AM, June 29th (Tuesday)]