SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m not sure where to put this, but I just need to say it.

Being a single parent is really really hard and it’s really unfair that I have to do the work of two parents because my ex decided doing that work to fix the damage he caused when he blew up his (and my) life was too hard snd abandoning us was easier.

So now I’m a full time parent to three young kids, I work full time and I’m not getting child support or alimony so it’s not like I have resources like a Housecleaner or babysitter or handyman at my disposal.

And my kids are sad about it too. I can’t do everything for them that I used to as a sahm and I get that it sucks.

But man, when one of them makes a comment about how they wish something could be different it really really hurts.

My daughter got invited to a friends house on Thursday and really wants to go, but she can’t because my mom is picking up my kids because they don’t have school the next day and I have to work so she is being super kind and letting them stay at her house. And my daughter was like very outwardly annoyed and really sad by not being able to go. Even though I made plans for her to go the following week and I apologized that it didn’t work this week.

And then just off handedly my son told me he really doesn’t like how they have to walk home from the bus stop every day and how it would be nice if I could get them when it was cold and rainy. And like I get it - is like a half mile almost and it rains here a lot. But like there is nothing I can do. I would rather be there than at work too.

It just feels like I am trying so hard and absolutely doing my best and I know they will be okay and this is all stupid little stuff but it still sucks and I hate that they notice this little stuff that used to be different. I just wish I could be the mom I was before and I just can’t. I love them the same if not more but there just isn’t enough of me.

And I’m writing this sitting on my bathroom floor crying after I put my younger ones to sleep and my daughter is in her room and I have winded next to me because I need to clean but also I just apparently really need to cry. I just want to enjoy my kids and I’m really sad my life is so hard.

Big hugs to you. I am so sorry. Is there a way to push the child support issue? You deserve to get some help so that way maybe you can feel a little more relief. Would you qualify to get a little extra help from the state to help with something, like maybe somebody/babysitter picking up the kids from the bus stop, just one thing to help a little bit? That’s just one example. Is there someone that can watch your child so that she could go to the friend’s house? I’m just trying to help you brainstorm. This whole deal sucks, but they will remember you did it for them.

Yeah I am going to echo the going after the child support. You are too busy NOT to go after it.

And my mom was a SAHM and NEVER picked me up from school or the bus— even when I was on crutches. And that was in Germany in the snow. Your kids may want you to do things, but it is truly not bad that they cannot. We don’t get everything we want and they will be just fine because you give them so much. They are not deprived. It’s an adjustment and it sucks but it will be okay. You are showing them what a good parent does and they will see that and understand that. (Maybe not yet- they are kids - but they will.)

I am tired for you. And I am sorry your XWH can’t even support his family— that’s some grade A douchebaggery there. Do you have friends or family who can help a little to give you a break? I wish I was nearby and could help. Sending hugs….

My ex really blew up his life - he stopped working (and I think is about to lose his license for just abandoning clients so he won’t be able to work…) and he is living who knows where - I think with random friends couches and in his dad’s RV. There is a warrant out for his arrest because of child support and another one for a DUI he didn’t deal with. So there is just no money to go after. I did file with the state so he can’t leave the country and if he comes back to my state he will be arrested and if he ever does get his life in order I will get some of it - but it’s unlikely. He owes me almost 70k now…. He went from six figures, Ivy League educated to this - sad.

And I don’t qualify for any state assistance, and I shouldn’t complain about money really. I’m a teacher and I made a decent amount, and I own a home that has a ton of equity so push come to shove, I can sell it. But I have just said throughout this entire thing that staying in the house so my kids can continue going to the same school and we can stay in the same community is my hill to die on. And I couldn’t rent anything here for under 3k a month which is way more than my mortgage… so it is what it is.

And I have a wonderful mom who when I called crying earlier - said to put the kids in the car and come over and she would fix them dinner. She fills in all the gaps and I’m so so thankful. And I absolutely have people that can help, but it’s sort of like I’m going to call in the favors when I really need them. And delaying a play date for a week just feels like it’s okay. I don’t need anyone to rearrange a schedule for that.

I know my kids are kids. And I know they will be fine. And it’s probably better in the long run to have stuff like this when you are a kid but it’s just hard for me to see them disappointed so much. I wish they could see how much I am working for them and how much I love them and hold onto that instead of some of this little crap. And maybe that’s what they will see when they are older and looking back - I hope so at least.

Thank you all for the support. I know we will get through it, and I try to focus on the day to day and we are fine for today, but sometimes I get like a glimpse of the mountain in front of me and I just feel so completely overwhelmed.

I wish they could see how much I am working for them and how much I love them and hold onto that instead of some of this little crap.

They do. They may not vocalize it now, but they will late, when they grow up and become adults. It is only then that they will realize just how amazing you were. It's tough now. I get it. But give yourself the grace you deserve. You will get through this.

"I wish I was nearby and could help. Sending hugs…."

I wish this too. I really respect moms who are going through this with children at home and no support. You are a rock star mom.

I don't think that there's anything wrong with pointing out that you wish things were different also but you as a family are where you are and you are doing your best that you can under the circumstances. Kind of a life's not always fair teaching moment. You just need to be careful not to drive the bus over WS even if he deserves it.

Being a single parent is rough and an adjustment. I was a SAHM when I got divorced also. My kids were 4 and 1 at the time. Kids will take out their fears, anger, and all of their other feelings on you because you are the parent that stayed and they know you are not leaving them too. They feel safe with you. You are doing an amazing job and your kids will remember what you have done for them.

With technology these days kids have gotten used to instant gratification, having to wait a week for a play date won’t kill them.

my son told me he really doesn’t like how they have to walk home from the bus stop every day and how it would be nice if I could get them when it was cold and rainy

my daughter told me she doesn’t like riding in her dad’s car for visitation weekends. She wants me to follow him in my car which would mean I would have to drive 2 hours to drop her off and 2 hours driving home by myself. She couldn’t understand how unrealistic that was for me. Kids tend to be self centered.

Just remember you are an amazing mom! Be kind to yourself.

It is very difficult being a single mom. I've been there and completely know what it is like and totally empathize with your situation. SO sorry you are having to go through that.

Only thing you can do is always make sure your kids know they are your priority, they are loved, and they are cared for.