SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well, a switching places exercise is in order here.

If drgn betrayed you repeatedly, slept with other men right under your nose for years, wouldnt you need a break from seeing the face of the single greatest source of pain in your life?

You say you love her and want her back. At this point, the only way you can do that is by treating her with love and respect. This means respecting HER wishes for space. HER wishes for a break from daily reminders of your actoons which jave brought her great pain.

It is natural to want your wife to be the source of love, respect, validation and happiness in your life. Thing is, that is the fruit of the hard work of living, respecting, validating and careful tending to their needs. None of which has been your mission in life for many years.

Shes not pushing you toward you AP so much as pushing you to get out of her life for a time so she can process and heal. By any means necessary at this point.

This is where you have a choice: do you want to earn her respect? That begins with you respecting her and her need for space.

So what are you going to do? Sit and stew in a sea of your own feelings, needs and longings? Or take a step out of yourself and respect her requests? Sacrificing your wishes for hers is the first evidence she will have that you are serious about withdrawing your head from your ass. Once you do that, you will be able to actually see her, respect her and eventually let her see the respect you have for her.

Only once you consistently demonstrate respect for her will she even be able to consider extending that respect to you.

So whats it going to be? Slaving away to your own desires and grasping at that which you cannot have right now? Or building respect brick by brick in the hopes of having a new home to live in after the fire you dumped gssoline on burnt the old one down?

What can you do right now to give her space? Do you have a basement to move into? An outbuilding?

why do I keep trying to protect my affair partner from my wife?

You don't. You're trying to protect yourself and your perceived control over the outcome of your actions. You have none. It serves you very little at this point to try and do things to fix your relationship with your wife.

At this point, the only way you can do that is by treating her with love and respect.

I honestly don't think that's true. He has zero ability to get her back. Nor should he try.

You've emotionally invested in your AP therefore you carry emotions towards her. I'd say you're also invested quite heavily into trying to control how your future would look. Trouble is, it's out of your control. The only thing you can do (and should do) is work towards becoming a better person for yourself. Then for your kids - they deserve a strong father figure (they deserve a healthy home with both a mother and a father but that may be completely fucked at the moment).

You need space. She needs space. Whether you'll find your way back together, who knows? There's no guarantee in life.

I hope you throw yourself into therapy and work hard at changing. It's not easy but it is worth it.