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No, my baby isn't sick. My baby isn't even a baby anymore, as she frequently likes to correct me -- she is six years old, and she is a big girl.

Trying to stay brief -- I had my first kid young-ish (especially compared to all my friends) at 22. I'm 35 now, and in the past few months, I know 17 people that are pregnant (a couple decided not to be anymore), or recently had babies. Every time I see a birth announcement or newborn photos pop up on my social media feeds, I have this instense thought -- I should have a baby.

Logically, this makes no sense. DS is headed off to HS next year, DD has always been a handful (didn't want anyone but me to touch her for the first 18-months, didn't sleep through the night until she was 4yo... I could go on and on, but WS and I joke that if she had been born first, she would be an only child). Having a third would be a terrible decision financially -- tuition at the nursery school both kid's attended is up to $23,300 (not including early bird or after care or summer camp), so we're doing much better off now that both kids are in public school fulltime.

There are easily a dozen reasons I can put under the "con" list for having another baby (I hated being pregnant, post partum sucks, both my labors lasted for days, we can pay for childcare again or save for college, our apartment doesn't have space for a baby + all the baby gear, DD is a handful etc. etc.), and the only "pro" would be like... I want a little baby again.

But this yearning is... intense. To the point I saw a baby announcement and went to WS crying, "Why don't you want to have a baby with me?" and he (very confused) said, "I did! I had two with you!"

Any advice on what to do with these feelings? Logically I know having a baby again would be a terrible idea for both me and my family! But I see some stupid picture of newborn feet and logic goes flying out the window...

Borrow a baby! Offer to care for a friend or relatives child.

I went through this at one point.

When I found out I was having twins and my doctor said there was a good chance of any further pregnancies being multiples, wh and I discussed me having my tubes tied since I was scheduled for a C section.

The doctor asked me a few times before and during the c section if I was sure. Seeing the twins wheeled off in incubators to the NICU I had NO doubts. I didnt want to chance that the next pregnancy could go south. We still had no diagnosis for DD and DS.

Then, years later, the Genetics doc called me. She said they found something. That something was a mutation passed on by wh. All those years I believed my kids issues were genetically passed on BY ME and I was wrong. I could have D wh and had children with someone else...

Now however I am just on the to old side for kids.

Wh brothers wife is in labour RIGHT NOW, wh boss just had their second baby (scary situation, his wife was in a car accident and a week later goes into preterm labour, baby is NIUC).

I thought I'd be happy to hear about others having babies BUT there's a chance my kids might have a half sibling on the way so I'm just a grumpy pile of anti baby news.

Besides, I'm done with diapers lol.

I experienced this after I hit my mid-late 30's too. Recently my menopause is starting (we go early in my family). I've made peace with the idea that I won't have any more children for various reasons not discussed here. Let's just say, that my craving for a baby has been intense just as yours is.

It's hard, gut wrenching, and primal. That said, I don't think there's anything wrong with exploring the idea from a perspective of potential regrets. I don't think there's ever any "perfect" time to have a child. But... time for us women is cruel and unforgiving. We have limited time and opportunity for having children and are often encouraged to delay or discouraged from having any at all. So, from my perspective, I would encourage you to consider the benefits of increased love in your family and future comforts in your old age of enjoying having your tribe about you.

Kids are a long term investment we don't have guarantees of returns upon. HOWEVER, I wouldn't use those as the only considerations for whether or not to have another child.

Wishing you best of luck on your descernment.

I never had a strong desire for children. Until I had cervical cancer in my late 20s and the option was taken away from me. Suddenly I wanted kids, desperately . Now, many many years later, I realize that was a mix of hormones and anger about agency being taken from me. And I am thankful no child with my XWS— he was many things but he would not have been a good dad. He would have been all resentfulness and impatience. Not sure how I would have been, but we’ll never know.

Try to recognize the feelings and remember they are feelings, not facts. They may disappear in a couple weeks but a child is a life-time commitment. And maybe adopt a pet (just kidding on that part ;-) ) . And also remember that you are only a few years out from DDAY and is this what you need right now?

Enjoy your "big girl" and be the most doting auntie your friends’ kids ever had!

I borrowed relative's babies for the baby fix, and waited for grandkids. Grandkids rock!

Borrow a baby! Offer to care for a friend or relatives child.

Ironically, I read that and thought, "omg, I have no time for that now."

We're in a crazy period right now (mostly between school/health stuff going on with both kids), and I think I don't have a free day until after the new year.

Another good reminder though, as to why a baby would not be a good thing for me or my family right now!

1. See your OB this primal urge could be hormones and yes even at your young age can get out of whack especially if you have a lot of emotional trauma in your life.

2. Borrow one of those babies offer to watch it overnight, especially a bad one with colic. It will help you remember all the reasons why you do not want to start over at this point.

My first was a terrible awful baby. He came 3.5 weeks early and when he hit his due date he started screaming and didn't really stop until he was 8.5 mo the old. I have 2 parents that were only children and their level fo selfishness I swore no only child. But honestly I understand NOW why people have bunches of kids. His son my grandson is the best baby ever and he is a joy. People that have babies like that definitely want to repeat it.

To summarize:
Get hormones checked babysit.
Do not have a baby at this point. Remember that restarts the clock to 20+ years before you have kids out of the house and extra funds.

My DD gets married this weekend. The kids are off the dole. Life is different but wonderful. Babies are wonderful but grands are super-duper amazing wonderful.

I feel the same way. My kids are still young (2 and 4). My eldest was the tough one and my youngest is the sweet one. I swear if she has been born first I would have been the most cocky parent of all time. We are probably done but I find myself thinking, if #3 were as easy as #2, I could totally do this again….

We just acknowledge and move on.

For me, it has nothing to do with hormones. When the youngest kid is 3-4, I'm like, time to have another baby.

We planned on having three kids. And we had three kids. We were done, plan achieved. Move on to next stage.

And then at 42, my body decided to work on it's own (I only would previously ovulate if I was on drugs).

And we had a 4th. She is my infertility, old age, and birth control fail. She should really not exist. But here were are.

And, I was like I'll be damned. My husband is snipped. I got done with 9 months of breast cancer treatment...but at 46/47, I'm like, I want another baby.

Yes, I know kids are expensive and hard and gross. They are inconvenient. We'll parent minor kids for 30 years. That's mindblowing...think about that, not being able to use the toilet or shower in peace for 3 decades.

If I close my eyes and think hard enough I can still smell baby. I miss all the snuggling. Them staying in one spot, where you put them, for a few brief months.

My kids, though hard, really are quite delightful people. It's only natural that one would want more.

So, we just acknowledge and move on. I actually knit quite a bit, and I knit things for babies an donate them. That helps.

I don't focus on grandkids. I personally think it's bad to assume I will get them. All it does is set me up for feeling upset, heartache, being denied of an experience if my kids choose not to procreate. And I don't want that negatively affecting my relationship with my kids.

[This message edited by secondtime at 5:23 AM, Monday, December 5th]

I have had that missing baby feeling even with a large family. Then I got grandkids and just had them this weekend. They are so good! I’m 46 and tired. My youngest kids are still early elementary so I’m not far removed but 40 to 46 was a big enough leap for me to love the grands and that is all I need now as far a babies go.

Well, my period was almost two weeks late (the only times this has ever happened have been the two times I was pregnant, and once when I had the flu), and I mostly just felt absolute panic.

After 10 days (multiple at home negative pregnancy tests but still no period), I went to the doctor who said my blood pressure was higher than usual (usually no issues). I'm still waiting for blood work to come back (among other possibilities, they wondered if it's thyroid related because there's a family history of thyroid issues), or stress induced because we've been in the middle of the hellacious NYC high school application process for DS (which many people I know that have college aged kids have said this process is much worse -- essentially there are 700+ high school programs in NYC, you rank 12 on your application and most students have no guarantee they will get any of the 12 listed, it's mostly a random lottery system with some consideration for grades and some schools requiring additional essays or auditions, and if you get assigned a school that's more than a 90 minute commute on the NYC transit system, then you can appeal... but I digress).

Anyways, the pregnancy blood test came back negative and then my period thankfully arrived. Buuut I definitely didn't feel great when I realized I could actually be pregnant again, and I don't want to live through another 10ish years or so of the possibility of another baby/pregnancy, so I'm strongly considering a tubal ligation. Honestly, the only reason I'm concerned is not because I might change my mind in 5 years, but because I'm *always* the person that experiences weird side effects (the stuff the doctor warns about but says happens rarely, so not to worry) whenever I have medical procedures done, so that worries me.

And I wouldn't get an IUD again, because, again, horribly weird side effects where I would bleed for two weeks straight (first week extremely heavily, second week more like a normal period), and after six-months, I just couldn't function anymore and had it removed.

I’m going through this too. It’s so hard. No advice, just commiseration.

Consider having your partner get snipped it is the easiest least invasive solution.

Consider having your partner get snipped it is the easiest least invasive solution.

I wish. We've had this conversation several times over the years. Hard no for him.

It's incredibly frustrating, but like... it's also his body, so I have to respect it, even if I think it's unfair to have gone through childbirth 2x and the postpartum periods after.

I feel like I can either get upset about it, or I can do something about it, because ultimately, he's never going to have to directly deal with a pregnancy and/or the choice to continue it or not.

Even with this recent scare, his attitude was more or less, "Don't worry about it. So it's not ideal but we'll just have another baby."