SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm so sorry he continues to be an irresponsible piece of crap. Vent away if it helps.

Purposefully do something inconsequential wrong and maybe he'll focus on that detail and not the other stuff.

I dont know what I could do to get his focus off trying to prove me wrong.

A hit is a hit. He did it and he should just suck it up and deal with the consequences. But no.

Despite not being able to give details I can say he won't get out of this charge!

Ugh. I'm just so angry right now.

So anyways the twins had their end of year trips and they had a great time. Ds is home from camp and he had a great time too. The new vehicle is a bit behind...figures. but it should be here soon. Then I csn stop driving the sexmobile

It's weird but I suddenly just want to get laid.

From never wanting a man in my knife again to just wanting a f**k buddy.

Talk about a roller coaster

Why are weekends so slow.

I dreaded weekends before wh was arrested. Him being home for 2 days was so stressful.

Now though, it drags, is lonely even with the kids here.

I got alot done today which I'm happy about. It just feels weird.

Do you still have all the animals?

The pigs and horses yes.

I got police permission to have my father in law come pick up all of wh reptiles.

I still have the sugar gliders, box Turtle and my water monitor. I've been trying to sell them since I'm so damn strapped for cash.

There's dd's cat and the two dogs. Oh and a ferret.

That's it. Unless you consider the cellar spiders pets too. Damn things have infested the house.

The jumping spiders I don't mind. They are cute and fuzzy and curious. Will actually sit still and watch what your doing.

Hi, Dragn, now that the kids are finished with school, there must be plenty of free things you can do with them on the weekends...just to get yourself out of your environment. It will be beneficial for your mental health, and you will be spending quality time with the kids, they deserve one parent who has their backs.

A park, an animal shelter, many museums in my are are free for children under a certain age, fishing, a picnic...our local library has several activities for children over the summer.

Not sure how far you are from a city center, my little town has free fireworks and a free community picnic and a fishing competition for children while school is out.

[This message edited by annb at 1:17 AM, Sunday, June 25th]

My elementary kids aren't done yet. Last day is the 29th.

The highschooler is done although exams go until the 29th. She didn't have any.

We have a list of things we want to do. Fishing, a day at the beach, picnic at the park with a splash pad. They have sleep overs planned for the summer at friends.

Day trips. My brother wants to take them to a theme park up here.

Big d wants to set up the zip line Santa got the kids 2 years ago lol

There's a free zoo near us which the kids have enjoyed before so that's an option too.

I have to see if our above ground pool is fixable. Wh said it wasn't so...I'll double check. He said there's a rip in it. I patched a hole last year so if it's not massive I can fix it.

This is emotionally exhausting. Two hours spent filling out court forms. It didn't help that we've had a string of thunderstorms here that killed power during the process lol. Luckily the computer had a battery back up and we had been saving along the way.

Is it normally this involved? And this is just the first lot of paperwork being filed to court. 😲 omg

The amount of paperwork can be daunting. I'm used to paperwork, and had to break up the task into smaller chunks. I didn't have to deal with parenting plans or visitation.

Just think of the end goal. Keep your eyes on the long game.

Today it's just more phone calls. That can be just as daunting as paperwork.

Are you able yet to think through all this crap that you’re having to deal with, and imagine your life without him and all the trauma, sadness, and pain that comes with him? And the bs your kids won’t have to put up with?

Like you have said before…better sleep, calm in the home, no fear, etc.

When I am really freaked about intense matters, I try to imagine what life will be like on the other side.

If you can, just try to spend a quick second each day in the future without the dead weight of him.

You may not be there yet - but your time is coming. Don’t forget that.

You and your kids deserve it. ❤️

Are you able yet to think through all this crap that you’re having to deal with, and imagine your life without him and all the trauma, sadness, and pain that comes with him? And the bs your kids won’t have to put up with?

I try to imagine what life will be like on the other side.

The problem for me is all the unknown. I don't know what things will look like "on the other side".

It's easy to say oh I'll be better off, because yes that's partly true not being abused every day however the prospect of losing everything I have now is devastating.

It's not just a house. It's my home. It's the kids home. Being forced to move, switch schools lose friends will impact them more than anyone can know. I've spent countless sleepless nights holding a crying child who has had nightmares of losing their home.

The sad part of this is that I've learned "the system" doesn't give a rats ass about the abused party. They don't care if you're struggling just to get out of bed. They don't care.

I shouldn't have to bend over backwards to get any sort of help and recruit an army of people to help me. But that's exactly what I've had to do. Whether or not that will result in anything positive for me, who knows.

Girl, I totally get the worry. I’m brilliant at it.

But it is just a fact that things aren’t fair.

The people in this life who fail themselves and others in enormous ways seldom suffer consequences.

And the ones they harm can’t usually avoid the consequences.

At least that is what it feels like sometimes.

The thing is that you are strong. And you may not see it now, but you will navigate this. And you will come out on the other side.

And your kids will be better for it.

And, best of all, you will find your way to indifference regarding your XWH.

I am praying for you as you get through it all.

Well my day got turned upside-down and backwards.

School called. Little m fell. Lost consciousness. Big goose egg, banged up knee and side.

We are at the hospital...

It's sad that a person can blow up a family then just walk away with enough to start over with a new family.

It's frustrating, maddening, unfair and stupid!

But for now I just focus on the day at hand and right now it's all about keeping an ice pack on my kids head lol.

Poor Little M. Hugs to both of you!!

We are home. She is ok. Headache and sore side. Doc said no concussion and Tylenol for pain.

So I guess I'll fill tomorrow with all the calls I had to make lol

The problem for me is all the unknown. I don't know what things will look like "on the other side".

Divorce is terrifying. I was scared shitless when I just started on the process, and I didn't even have kids with mine. It's okay to be scared, that just shows you're smart. What is not okay IMHO is letting that fear keep you stuck in a toxic situation. Which you aren't. Scared is very normal where you're at right now Dragn. But this too shall pass.

It's easy to say oh I'll be better off, because yes that's partly true not being abused every day however the prospect of losing everything I have now is devastating.

I am a big fan of positive reframing. I know how much you love your farm and how hard it will be to leave it. But instead of focusing on what you're losing, why not try to focus on what you're GAINING? Freedom. Peace. Kindness (because you get to choose who you surround yourself with now). Clarity. More time with your kids. Simplicity. And your kids... they get a mom who will be happier, and have better mental health, and be more present and focused. They get a home (at least one home) that is filled with peace and laughter and family and love instead of abuse, and tension, and stress. Coming from a daughter that watched her mom be in abusive relationships for the duration of my childhood, I would have given everything I owned to not have to watch that and have my mom be happy and peaceful. Your kids will be sad too, but you are giving them the best gift you ever will by getting out of this marriage. Believe me when I tell you they WILL see that someday.

Going through the divorce process is just gonna suck. It just will. For all of you. But I promise you that once you're through it, once you have gained some of that peace and clarity and your kids see a mom who is joyous and happy and full of self-respect it won't look sad or scary, it will look fucking amazing.