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Is it best to find an IC for the kids that specializes in divorce issues or just a general IC?

Dd is dealing with more than the coming divorce. She has serious hate for her body. She still has medical issues that are now getting worse (most likely due to stress). I'm making an appointment with our family doc but if things don't improve by the weekend I'm just taking her to the hospital.

She has alot to work through so a therapist that just deals with divorce might not be best for her.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

For your DD, I think she needs more than somebody that specializes in divorce. I think she needs somebody who specializes in self-cutting or body dysmorphia.

The younger ones may be able to use somebody who specializes in D.

There are some wonderful ICs that deal with kids, and you might hit the jackpot to get somebody who can do divorce and the other issues that Dd has.

I did the intake for youth services over the phone with the automated system. Should get a call back soon.

Dd didn't eat breakfast and didnt take a lunch. She just doesn't want to eat.

I had a really bad nightmare last night. I was so relieved when I woke up and realized it was just a dream! After that, I was awake for a while and wouldn't ya know it just as I started to doze off again Little M began crying. She too had a bad dream so I stayed with her for a while.

My coffee isn't doing anything but give me an upset stomach.

Well the call back sucked. Wait time is 5 months. Holy crap! So now I'm exploring other options for the kids.

One issue is that consent for therapy is required from both parents for most of the local services. You'd think there'd be an exception for this situation. Ugh.

That wait time is crazy. Your DD, from what you have posted sounds like she should be seen now. I'm guessing there is a shortage of providers.

Keep doing the best you can. That's all you can do.

I hope you are able to get some sleep.

I agree that dd needs therapy now, not 5 months from now. There's a couple other resources I am calling Monday.

She had a better day yesterday, thankfully.

I'm trying to figure out how to get through the next few days. Ds needs new shoes before his school trip this week, I need gas for the van and I got just enough from stbxwh to pay the mortgage and get some food.

I can't have my benefits adjusted until stbexwh and I are separated 90 days and I won't have the paperwork I need for the extra social benefits for a few weeks.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

On the upside, DS is spending the night at a friend's place. The friends mom and I had been talking about the boys spending time together and she called yesterday to ask if it was OK for DS to come over. He was ecstatic when I told him.

Man the ups and downs are just way to much.

Family came through for me so things will be ok this week. Still, it's just a shitshow.

How do you cope with the bad days when there's more of them then good ones?

On a side note the house doesn't feel off with wh gone. It feels totally off and I can't shake the wanting to pace feeling with ds at his friends house. Friends mom text me earlier about how much fun the boys were having.

The twins, dd and I have had a afternoon. Dd and I sat out front and talked while the twins were out back on the trampoline. It was nice.

I embraced the suck. I knew bad days were going to outnumber the good, so I acknowledged that this period of time would be terrible but things would be better in the end.

It can be a matter of perspective, too. When my oldest was 10, he was complaining about soccer. He said something about doing it for half his life, so 5 years. I'm 60 and 5 years for me is a car loan. A few years may suck, but it won't be half your life.

Really, within a year or two, you're going to realize that life is so much better, regardless of the circumstances.

I know things will suck for a while. It's trying to hide my bad days from the kids. The worry, sadness, anger, the whole range of emotions I feel are sometimes overwhelming.

Being glad he's gone one minute, then realizing I'll most likely grow old alone while he gets to have his second family, ugh. Shitty.

This feels sureal some days.

You don’t know what the future holds.

And do what if you grow old "alone"? It has to be better than where you are right now. .

Point is I could be alone tomorrow. Typically women outlive their spouses.

This is an opportunity for you to get back to some normalcy — and not live with a cheating spouse. Embrace it.

while he gets to have his second family

Not that is should matter, but how do you think that will play out long term? He's done so much introspection----he may even add some more tattoos, colorings and piercings to show his personal growth......

Believe me, you are on the much better end of this, and I think that you do recognize it. But the hurt of a collapsed marriage doesn't go away quickly. What does Dory say? "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....."

This is an opportunity for you to get back to some normalcy — and not live with a cheating spouse.

Not live with an abusive spouse.

The cheating was horrible!

The hitting was worse!

The emotional and verbal abuse will leave wounds that will take longer to heal than any physical pain he caused!

Believe me, you are on the much better end of this, and I think that you do recognize it. But the hurt of a collapsed marriage doesn't go away quickly. What does Dory say? "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....."

My parents will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary next year. The realization that I will never achieve that is a shitty pill to swallow.

I didn't want my children to have divorced parents, but they will. Is that better for them, yes. The toxic environment wasn't doing any of us any good. Funny how they haven't even asked about their dad lately. I had to remind them to make sure to call him today because it's Father's day and I got an eye roll lol

Sometimes it feels like I'm floating and well otjer times I feel like I'm drowning. I guess that's a normal roller coaster ride. I just wish I could get off.

My heart aches for you at the thought of him "enjoying his new family." It's hard to think about him possibly having a happy ending after all he did to ruin your marriage and family.

The heart goes one way, but the head can go another...

Heart: how is it fair he gets a chance at a fresh start after he ruined our lives?
Head: how can he possibly have a happy life with his new family being a person capable of such destruction? Especially since he hasn't worked any change on himself?

Wishing you continued healing as you process the divorce. Hugs to you and your baby dragns.

I was thinking. Can he really have a happy ending when he's lost the respect of his children? They only talk to him because I encourage them to. One won't talk to him period and I won't push the issue.

He's lost alot. I just hope Karma comes in the form of realizing that.

Of course I say all that and then it hits me that I was treated like trash. Crumpled up and thrown away like I was nothing when I stayed with him through his former legal troubles, all the infidelities AND the abuse. I tried to save my marriage. I can now walk away knowing I did my best.

I know just how you feel. Just last night we talked and I asked my H, "what if I am the one that you're supposed to be with and you're throwing away a perfectly good person and a chance at your happiness." H didn't like that.

Seems like people who want to be unhappy will find ways of being so. That goes for me too.

I'm glad you're getting quit of this horrible M. I hope you can find peace and eventually joy in your new life.

No. He is not moving on to some fairy tale happy life. He would have to do a tremendous amount of work on himself which he has shown over the years he is not interested in or willing to do. You can't just pack up all your problems and move them someplace else and expect different results. He will be the same crappy partner and father to his four children and now another one.

What self respecting women sneaks around sleeping with a married man and father of four and thinks it's a good idea to also have his child? These are two selfish people making crappy decisions not caring how they affect anyone else. There will be no happy ending.

You and your kids have so much to look forward to without him dragging you down. You are the responsible one. The one that has taken care of those four children and advocated for them. You all will grow and blossom.

Thanks 😊 I know things will be ok here.

I need to say a big thank you to everyone who has supported me!!!!! You have no idea how much it means to me to have people who understand and give from their hearts!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Hi new life isn't a happy ending. In fact I bet its not an ending and those 2 garbage people don't fully understand what happiness is.
Ftg and his whore.
You deserve a life of happiness and peace.
You will find it. And you will find joy in being alone. Trust me.

It's weird that despite how stressful this month has been, theres a peace that comes from not being verbally bashed every day. It feels weird.

Not being called an f'ing cunt, stupid, useless, bitch, lazy or told to shut up.

Not having him block me when i try to pass him to go to the kitchen or down the hall.

Not being afraid to look at him because I'd just get questioned why I even looked at him.

Not having to worry that he'd throw something at me or take a swing at me.

It's a weird life now.

I am still anxious though. I still double lock all the doors, even when I'm here alonejust to go to the washroom. I still watch every vehicle that drives by slowly.

What self respecting women sneaks around sleeping with a married man and father of four and thinks it's a good idea to also have his child?

I actually have a good idea why. Not that I can share here but I know why she did it.