SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My best friend showed me a message from my H and I heartbroken. My H told my friend " YOU BETTER STOP COMING OVER HERE IN THOSE SHORTS, YOUR ASS IS GOING TO GET ME IN TROUBLE "
MY H basically told my best friend he stares at her ass when she is around.
Why would any sane man do something like this? Before this, he had never ever done or said anything inappropriate to any woman.
His excuse was it was a joke. Which is complete bullshit because my H knew when I found out about this, I would be hurt. With the knowledge that my friend would show me, I cant understand why he would say what he said. My best friend now feels like my H is a creep. My friend does have a nice ass and I know my H has probably looked at it every time she has been over. That's normal. But to TELL HER. To tell her he basically likes looking at her ass disgusts me.

Why would any man say something so inappropriate to their wife's friend knowing I was going to find out?
Why would my H say this to her and not care how it would destroy my self esteem?

That was hurtful to you and super creepy to your BFF.
Why would he do that? Because he is fishing? I mean, only AP type folks would be anything but creeped out by that from your friend’s husband.
(Bonus points to your friend for sharing the text! Does she know his history?)

He either doesn’t care if it is gross and creepy and unacceptable and hurtful. Or he is 14 years old. Or he may be fishing to see if she responds.

Now that he has done that, what do you want to do? Are you in MC?

My FWH watched a lot of porn. It changed the way he saw women and he began to objectify them, which led him to fishing, which let him into an affair. I do not know if your husband is doing this, but online porn can kick you out of reality, especially if it is compulsive. Again, not sure if this is relevant, but porn was a big part of why my husband became inappropriate around women.

OR

Your husband is fishing to see if your friend will tell and if she will respond in kind because he is simply a selfish, entitled ass with no integrity. Does he act in a self-centered, entitled way in other areas of life?

If this was a verbal comment when she was in the same space, I would say that maybe he is super immature and thinks he is funny, but the fact that he sent her a message shows that he is being secretive, which makes the red flag even redder.

In any case, he needs to know 1. it is completely unacceptable and 2 that it creeps your friend out and 3. that it hurts you and 4. that he needs counseling around entitlement and boundaries and 5. that you get access to his phone/computer/social media since he is being inappropriate with other women while using it/them. This does not only affect him, it affects you. He has no right to impact your life a negative manner without your consent.

Your husband needs counseling with someone who understands infidelity and the cheater mindset. Interview counselors. If there is even a whiff of blame shifting, NOPE. Same with marriage counselors, if you go that route, although he will need counseling regardless.

I saw your posts on another site.

Also, that this happened several months ago, and that he and your friend are actually having an affair.

Post the entire story so maybe we can help.