Topic is Sleeping.
Dreamdaisy ( member #67729) posted at 5:34 PM on Tuesday, September 19th, 2023
MintChocChip,
Wow, I totally understand how you feel, my WS does exactly the same behavior, I honestly believe he has NPD..bait you into getting angry, then blame you for the reaction to their disrespect...when I started reading about this stuff, I could not believe it! It is absolute manipulation at it's best.
MintChocChip (original poster member #83762) posted at 5:36 PM on Tuesday, September 19th, 2023
Well I am glad you all get it at least!
Daisy, he doesn't have NPD, he is just a complete IDIOT
D Day: September 2020Currently separated
Dreamdaisy ( member #67729) posted at 5:43 PM on Tuesday, September 19th, 2023
MintChocCHIP,
I do not know for sure if my WS has NPD (cannot diagnose obviously) but he certainly displays a lot of that sort of behavior, deflecting, gaslighting, minimizing etc, this got worse after he was found out. It is almost like they cannot, or will not take full responsibility for their behavior.
You could not even make this stuff up
MintChocChip (original poster member #83762) posted at 5:45 PM on Tuesday, September 19th, 2023
My jaw literally dropped when I read that. This was me: shocked What a complete and utter IDIOT. He's buying that house as a form of emotional blackmail. Shut up and be nice and you can have what you've always wanted. Sir, you can F all the way off. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get ANY of it.
Well what it is is saying: I really want a life with the old version of you where you were not angry or sad. I realise I made you angry and sad, by repeatedly betraying you and hurting you in every possible sense, but I am too pathetic to deal with that hard work. So I am going to create our dream home and hope that you come back to it, because I really liked the version of you before I ruined your life and completely broke you, so providing you are cool with dealing with my infidelity by yourself we have a beautiful future here
How about I have a counter offer for you asshole: you go live in the house by yourself, and I will move on to build a life and a home with someone who doesn't make me angry and sad in the first place. How about that?
D Day: September 2020Currently separated
MintChocChip (original poster member #83762) posted at 5:50 PM on Tuesday, September 19th, 2023
I just can't imagine the level of mental gymnastics to get here.
It seems to be a wayward who is doing well might realise they broke someone and broke the M so they need to do whatever they can to fix it.
A wayward who is doing badly might realise they are not cut out for that and walk away.
My ex seems to have made a whole new category all for himself which involved saying he wants to do it, crying begging, pleading over and over again to be given the chance and then doing none of it, and then blaming me for the fact I haven't healed.
I have read so much these past weeks and see why I didn't heal
He never made it possible. The work wasn't there.
D Day: September 2020Currently separated
Dreamdaisy ( member #67729) posted at 7:45 PM on Tuesday, September 19th, 2023
MintChocChip,
A lot of us on this forum can relate to the WS wanting reconciliation and then not doing the work.
Same situation here (except I still live under the same roof, he was going to do everything he could to mend what he broke, I had all the same, tears, we have been together too long to break up etc etc.
None of that work has been forthcoming,we basically live like room mates and only have conversations that are basic everyday stuff. He simply will not engage in any conversation on a deeper level. I do not know if he is unable to do the work or does not care. It certainly is an emotional rollercoaster that is for sure.
I am so sorry he is hurting you like this
Dreamdaisy ( member #67729) posted at 7:47 PM on Tuesday, September 19th, 2023
MintChocChip,
A lot of us on this forum can relate to the WS wanting reconciliation and then not doing the work.
Same situation here (except I still live under the same roof, he was going to do everything he could to mend what he broke, I had all the same, tears, we have been together too long to break up etc etc.
None of that work has been forthcoming,we basically live like room mates and only have conversations that are basic everyday stuff. He simply will not engage in any conversation on a deeper level. I do not know if he is unable to do the work or does not care. It certainly is an emotional rollercoaster that is for sure.
I am so sorry he is hurting you like this
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:54 PM on Tuesday, September 19th, 2023
Dangling the new dream house narrative seems manipulative to me. Then he goes on to blame you for your reaction and that YOU need to change. OMFG I would have lost it too. I think you gave a great response and am sorry you had to block (I would have too and my xWS is blocked as well for these same types of blameshifting and often harassing texts).
He is still making it about himself and I am glad you see that. Hopefully now you will be able to get some clarity and peace of mind without interference from him.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
Topic is Sleeping.
