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How do I make the first steps? I’ve been a stay at home mom for the past 16 years. I have no income. How do I consult an attorney with no way to pay? I just started back to school full time. How do I protect myself and 5 kids?

Check with Legal Aid in your county. Many lawyers will provide an initial consult for free (and then your spouse can't use them due to conflict of interest).

Check with Work Source or whatever your state offers for employment assistance in your area.

Free consultations are usually available. From there you can ask them what to do with no income. They may be able to bill your WS for the filing. He would definitely have to pay spousal and child support since you do not have an income. Might want to find at least some part time work while you are in school.

Me and ws have been separated since January 8th when I found out about the affair but have been in contact with each other. I have been the sole provider during our 2.5 year long marriage. So she could take care of her dieing dss. He passed away in February of last year and she's yet to get a job. She has been talking about using a social worker to file our divorce for us and we won't need to use any lawyers but I'm starting to doubt the terms she said she willing to part with. The house and cars are all in my name and were purchased before the marriage. She said she only wants her stuff and the car she's been driving. We have a verbal agreement that I'd give her $5,000 to help get her on her feet and have so far given her $1,500. Now I feel like I should wait until I get the agreement and acknowledge of payment in writing before I give her any more. What's your opinion about the agreement and using a social worker?

[This message edited by cannibal at 3:04 PM, Friday, January 19th]

We have a verbal agreement that I'd give her $5,000 to help get her on her feet and have so far given her $1,500. Now I feel like I should wait until I get the agreement and acknowledge of payment in writing before I give her anymore. What's your opinion about the agreement and using a social worker?

You need to get that verbal into writing soonish. Definitely before shelling out more cash. We did most of ours via email, but my ex was a paralegal so she had access to advice. Most places have forms and boiler plate that can be self-filed. It cost us around $200-$300 to file. You are going to want to get legal advice from someone other than a social worker. Sounds like you have assets, and she doesn't. Not to file but to give advice on the planned separation agreement to ensure it doesn't have any gotcha's from your perspective. You'll want to clarify who receives any open liabilities like credit cards. She'll need to sign a quit claim on your house. She'll generally have rights to any raise in equity over the 2.5-year marriage. Pensions are the other stumbling point, but that generally factor in such a short marriage. You want to make sure of that though.

do you not have a way to pay because the household doesn't have the cash or because you don't have access to funds? For the latter, make sure to tell prospective attorneys the situation, as there may be assets you have a legal right to but is currently represented to you as inaccessible. Your attorney can advise you on strategies for how to protect yourself and get out.

I might be wrong but after reading your history it seems you might have been addicted to her chaos. I hope this divorce will free you up to find some happiness.

Be sure and take care of your health.

I think 2 different people are posting on this thread and it’s confusing!

To MySonshine- You and your children will get thru this. Call a few attys and ask for a free consult. They will give you a general idea what to expect in your area. In my case the atty filed immediately for spousal support, child support, requested the children and I would have exclusive use of the home, husband would keep all of us on insurance, he would pay house, cars, etc while sorting everything out. Also you can go online and apply for emergency SNAP (food stamps). In my state I could get 580/mo because we didn’t have a separation agreement thru the courts yet.
Long term: tax filing will be your friend. There are many credits for single parents and you get that money over and above any refund you are due. My first year my refund would be about 800.00. But with all the credits I got a 9,000 refund. (It’s hard to explain but years ago families got a check every month. Then they changed it to get people to work, even a little bit and they would get credits on taxes, over and above what a usual refund is.)

Take it one day at a time, and know that you can do this.

Yup two different situations going on. As of now his pay check goes into our joint account. He has a bills account that his VA check goes into and he pays all bills from the bill account that I don’t have access to. We got the mortgage in both our names but when we refinanced dropped my name for a lower interest rate. Mortgage is our only debt. I don’t think he would try to cut me off, but I also didn’t think he would be stupid and put us back in this situation. I have my first consultation tomorrow afternoon. He has no idea that I’m seeing a lawyer.

Well that didn’t go as well as planned… lawyer advised to stick it out till I graduate school. Where we are it’s pretty common for everything to be 50/50 including custody. Sucks that because WH wants to be an idiot I either have to put up with it or lose my kids 50% of the time.