SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Ugh. My WH loves this series, and I watched a few with him, but the * NO POLITICS! ** one was just too much. I followed that sad story in real time before I knew who I was married to. At the time my heart broke for * NO POLITICS! ** and I had no idea what I was even talking about in that regard because I had not lived through it yet.

Anyway, when that episode started, I said No, I do not like this story, this is awful. Did he get the hint? Nope. When we got to the part where * NO POLITICS! ** denied not only the affair but the paternity of his daughter, I was really starting to get agitated, but when the smug mistress interview section began I just said I hate her, I hate him, I hate this story and I just wish * NO POLITICS! ** had lived long enough to divorce him like she had wished.

He finally got that I was upset and asked if I wanted to watch something else. You think?? Expert compartmentalizers can be pretty slow on the uptake.

Anyway, we won't be watching any more corrupt, cheating, lying politician news shows. I'm kicking myself for sitting through as much of that triggering crap as I did. All I had to do was say nope, change the channel and he would have. I guess I was just waiting to see if any light bulbs could go off in his head. Live and learn.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:19 PM, Tuesday, March 5th]

* NO POLITICS! ** seemed like a very classy lady. It was hard to watch this unfold on the news, I wouldn't want to watch a documentary of the whole mess. Especially since she's not able to speak her truth.

It always amazes me when my WH has those blinders on as well. I just don't get how. Like the day the Eagles' song Lying Eyes came on and he just sang along like a canary. WTF?

Did he realize his missed cues afterward?

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:19 PM, Tuesday, March 5th]

All I had to do was say nope, change the channel and he would have.

This is the important part. In my experience, the WS doesn't get triggered the same way that the BS does because we experienced trauma and they didn't.

We have to be our own advocate, be transparent, and say, "This triggers the crap out of me. Please change the channel."

My WS gets it - he is as uncomfortable watching these types of stories as I am, and if it's just us, we'll fast forward or stop watching, and he will usually say something apologetic to me and/or check how I'm feeling. Note that this was not always the case! In the early months, he would notice but wait to see if I said anything. It took a while for me to get it into his head that I ALWAYS noticed, and that if he said nothing, I assumed it was because he was either clueless or too ashamed to bring it up.

Slightly off topic, but if you ever want to look up a show or movie before watching it to check whether it has infidelity, try the site Does The Dog Die. It covers a lot more than cheating, too (crowdsourced info, but generally reliable).

Thanks for the support, the reminder to just be blatant about what I need, and for the site to vet shows. The most surprising thing to me is that I just keep waiting/hoping for something to register in his head, when he has proven repeatedly that it’s not going to happen.

I think the real issue for me isn’t the tone deafness around this touchy triggery topic, but the fact that I am not being heard when I very much need to be heard. More fodder for therapy I guess.

I think the real issue for me isn’t the tone deafness around this touchy triggery topic, but the fact that I am not being heard when I very much need to be heard.

I think that's really insightful. If you're like me, I needed to process things a lot, sometimes repeatedly. I needed to feel understood. Him sitting there watching - and enjoying - a show about infidelity while not recognizing that it's a trigger surely didn't help you feel that he understood the pain that you experienced.

whatisloveanyway, You have a PM.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:29 PM, Tuesday, March 5th]

Love the One Your With (Crosby Stills) came on the radio on the way home. I'm not sure if he was even paying attention. I have no problem turning it off and pointing out why. Damn if it doesn't feel like EVERY song or movie has cheating woven into it. Maybe it's like when you buy a white car you notice all the white cars on the road. Anyway, WH will squirm in the chair and not change the channel if it's something I chose. If he chose it, it changes quickly. Sometimes I'll leave it on just to let him suffer a bit.