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Again thank you. I'll let my mom know what you've all said. Hopefully she can find some peace.

This is the first time I have ever been apart of making funeral arrangements. Eye opening for sure. Bloody expensive too. My brother wanted to be cremated so no casket or vault or opening of a plot. I am very happy with the casket mom and I selected. I think dad would approve. Makes me determined to have everything set up for my oen passing so my kids don't have to worry about anything. I spoke to thr funeral director afterwards and he's given me everything I need to set it up.

Not that I plan on dying any time soon.

Think one of the reasons I have a hard time sleeping is because of my brother dying in his sleep. Sure that's the way to go but sometimes I lay in bed afraid that I won't wake up.

Brother M text me that all the food for the celebration of life has been ordered. Wr meet with the minister tomorrow. Kids and I are also going to mom's to do a clean. Not that her house needs it lol. But mom was insistent that the house needs to be cleaned up so we will go clean.

Please reassure you mom that he didn't want her there, he didn't want her to see it and have it scar her and cause her more pain. I have seen it time and again. Some folks want everyone there and will hold on until that one person arrives from far away. And I have seen families hold vigil for days on end and when they all finally go to get a bite together the patient leaves. It's just how it goes.

We laid my father to rest yesterday. Thursday mom, brother and I met with the minister to select the passages to read and go over the service. She prayed for us while there. She had done my brothers service.

Friday the kids and I helped clean house and prepare all the food.

Saturday we arrived to the funeral home early for a private viewing. Dad just didnt look like dad.The director had put together a 4 sided candle with 2 passages, my father's portrait on one side and my brothers on the other. He said it only seemed fitting to include my brother.

Friends and family came. We were surrounded by love and tears. My mom held it together until they closed the casket and the minister commended dad to Jesus. Ds and I had to hold her. Ds was one of the pallbearers and kept it together until we went to go back to the house. Then he broke down. We spent a bit of time saying hi to grandma. Dad is right beside her.

We all told stories of dad and ate good food. It was hard. Today my face is so swollen. The kids let me sleep. I've napped on and off all day. This coming week is a busy one so it's good I got rest today. We will be going back down to see mom a few times, taking care of the insurance stuff, helping with stuff around the house, going to appointments and trying to get some much needed stuff done here. Busy busy.

Thank you all for your support during this really difficult time.

Thinking of you and sending prayers and hugs.

As gar as funerals go sounds like the best one could hope for.
Be kind to yourself for the next couple of weeks. You have been through so very much.
Rest and recover.

Big hugs to you and your family. It is never easy. I’ve lost both parents now and still have days. I echo what tushnurse said about your dad waiting for her to leave or not be present. I’ve seen it myself. My dad was very social and he waited for all of us to be there. My mom was always the quiet one and we were all standing vigil and left. Early the next morning, a nurse called all of us and said it’s coming so my sister was already arriving and in the parking lot and, told the nurse she would be walking down the hall any second. She lived the closest and was the first to arrive that morning. The nurse said that to my mom that sis was here and my mom immediately stopped breathing. My sister walked in just moments after that. She wanted to do it without us. It hurt but she didn’t ever want us to see her sick. It made sense for her.

[This message edited by deena04 at 2:36 PM, Monday, August 19th]

I'm glad to hear the funeral went off so well, Dragn. Hugs to you guys.

How are you guys doing with the new school year Dragn?

Hi,

I'm sorry I'm not posting much anymore.

So far school is going great.

DS loves high school. He's getting himself up early every morning to get ready. He's loving his classes and being able to hang out with his friends.

All the kids had yesterday off due to appointments and when we got home DS logged into his classroom work and got it all done.

Dd seems to be doing good so far. She's taking some really amazing classes this year (like woodworking) and really enjoying it.

The twins seem to like things so far. Little M is joining everything she can. She's really outgoing and wants to be in everything lol. Big D said the only thing he dislikes is math. Me too kid lol.

Overall things are going good here. There are still sad days. Losing my brother and dad still seems unreal and just one big cruel joke. My mom is really struggling.

She seems ok one minute then has a meltdown the next. I guess that's to be expected.

Sounds like your kids are doing really well!!

You've all experienced so much loss this past year. My heart goes out to you and your family.

I'm glad you checked in. I've been thinking about you.

(((Dragn)))

Thanks Zebra

It sucks for me because i want to post updates and the exciting things happening but I figure he's still checking to see what I post and frankly what goes on with us isn't his business anymore. Despite things being really difficult at times the kids and I are 200% better now than when he was here.

Glad things are stabilizing and the little dragns are enjoying school.
Thanks for the update!

Thanks for checking in Dragn! I'm really glad to hear the kids are enjoying the school year! I love seeing what our kids pick for activities- it's a window into their interests. I'm glad that, with all the family losses you've had, you've had peace to come home to in your own house.

Hugs to you all!

I want you to take a moment and realize your kids are happy and well adjusted due to the strength and love and example of their amazing Mom.
Sit in that and be proud.
Your mom is now alone? Any thought on making her a resident of your home? Helping with the kids pooling resources etc would that be possible and helpful to you both?

Tush,

I am very happy with how the kids are doing.

Ds joined the weight room club. 4 days/week. His teacher was impressed with how much he can bench press and lift. Poor kid was sore last night. He's shot up way taller than me now. He'd been super helpful with thibgs I can no longer do. My left arm hurts constantly and I can't use it much. Saw surgeon, waiting on more tests.

IC is helping the kids too. So much anger and sadness and they are all working through it so well.

We sat at the table last night just chatting away at dinner. It was so nice.

My other brother still lives with mom. I'm unsure how long that will last with how much she snaps at him. We understand how traumatized she is and that she may never fully recover. That said, she can be royally mean at times. I have talked to her about moving in here but she refuses. She is adamant that she isn't leaving her house. We were able to get her to schedule must needed medical appointments so that's a win.

Kids and I went to mom's today to help clean out dad's things.

Not an easy day!

Brother said mom has been crying alot.

Mom told me that she used to feel a light inside no matter what happened. She always felt things would be ok. She said since brothers death the light has gone dim and then when dad died she felt it was stomped out completely.

She's so very broken. So sad.

Friends of hers took her out for a day. She didn't want to go but we encouraged her to. She did enjoy herself but said she just wants to be left alone.

It's hard to know how to help her when we are still so easily upset. The twins school did the Terry Fox run. A yearly run to raise money for cancer research. A sticker is worn to dedicate your run to someone and Big D dedicated his run to my dad. When I saw the sticker I broke down and just hugged him.

The kids gave mom lots of hugs today and we hung up dad's portrait beside my brothers. We got alot done today which is good.

I guess we just need to give mom time although I don't think she will ever truely recover.

Can you get her to the dr and get her on some antidepressants? It's definitely situational but it also can be devastating and cause people to lose their want to live meds can help get those chemicals in balance.
Just a thought.

I will try to get her to see a doctor. Their family doc retired. All of his patients haven't been given a new doc yet, just a clinic to go to on certain days.