SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

And especially any of the WS own words (via text, email, VAR, or confession) that showed the WS's mindset.

I tend to agree that this would constitute "gory details". Most people - certainly by 19- z understand affairs are bad. I don’t see how providing the "WS state of mind" or "own words" would be helpful in doing anything other than poisoning a kid against their wayward parent.

Instead, he lied. He allowed you to think something that wasn't true. Had he told you the truth..would you have believed him? After all, you adored your dad. Would you have needed..or wanted..to see proof of her "many transgressions?" Wouldn't your dad telling you why he left, have been enough?

He never lied. He just didn't tell me why.

My adoration turned to hate, which he didn't deserve.

I don’t see how providing the "WS state of mind" or "own words" would be helpful in doing anything other than poisoning a kid against their wayward parent.

I guess I fail to understand how the BS would be poisoning an adult child by providing factual information. The WS should be judged by their actions, not by some abridged version that lets the WS off the hook. I just don't feel the BS should be held accountable by how the WS is judged...as long as they leave opinion and lies out of it. But factual information? Free game.

Secrets have a way of harming people in ways that you cannot imagine.

Appropriate disclosure, no gory details, but convey the true harm of betrayal.

I titrated the amount and nature of details that I found necessary to avoid any mischaracterization of me, any adulteration of important facts, and any normalization or minimization of infidelity.

I told my kids what they needed to know so that they could empathize with me and understand my actions and reactions.

And yet, they still won’t quite understand until they too someday, fall in-love, fall in-trust with someone, become part of a mutual vow, have children with someone, dedicate their lives to someone.

And you pray to God that they will never fully comprehend the pain, because there’s only one way they could possibly truly understand that.

You just want them to get sense enough of the betrayal and the pain so that they too can survive infidelity and relate to it, and their parents, in a healthy way, a way that ultimately benefits them, not necessarily the WS.

He never lied. He just didn't tell me why.

At the time I was just told that moms and dads sometimes stop loving each other. And that they had hurt each other's feelings.

You said they divorced because of her many transgressions. But you were told the above.

It sounds as if he lied,to protect her.

[This message edited by HellFire at 11:48 AM, Tuesday, March 26th]

Let's be sure to remember, honor, and comply with the guideline:

ON TOPIC: Respect the original posters' intent and avoid threadjacking. Feel free to start new topics to discuss general subject matter in other threads, but do not refer to specific topics or threads outside of their original location.

Mindracing, you have a PM.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:13 PM, Tuesday, March 26th]

This is a subject I have not had to deal with, but I would not tell my kids any details, I would give a Cliffs Notes overview only.

Yeah kids don't need to know the details. Mom or dad cheated is sufficient enough. My daughter caught texts from MOW to xWS and I'm not sure exactly what she saw at the time (She was 11 so old enough to understand). I'm sure now she doesn't remember the gritty details.

Both my kids know that I completely fell apart after the A's and our M never recovered from them.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:56 PM, Tuesday, March 26th]