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My divorce was final January 25. He had multiple affairs over the years and I still hung on. He was having another affair and finally filed for divorce himself this time. He is 56 and is living with his 33 year old girlfriend. I have times of being sad and then times I hate him but I don't think I will ever get over the fact that my family will never be together again. We were married almost 35 years and have 2 kids. The youngest is a senior this year. He did this to her during her senior year. He has been terribly hurtful to his kids (not to mention me) and I just don't understand. I don't understand how someone can love themselves more than their family. Love themselves and put themselves above their kids. He barely sees them. I find myself trying to figure him out. How could someone be so selfish and hurtful. He obviously has issues and I knew he would hurt me but I never expected him to do what he has done to his kids. Three days after the divorce was final he brought his girlfriend to my daughters game. My daughter had not even told any of her friends about the divorce because she is having trouble dealing with it but he brings his 33 year old GF and her 5 year old daughter. He has missed all major holidays with his own kids to be with his "new family". He only sees our daughter 1 hour a week to go out to eat and he is so concerned about when he can bring his GF around her. He doesn't care about our daughters feelings or our sons. The will get over it he says. I needs to just stop trying to figure him out and because I never will and realize that my family will just never be together again. And I know it was not a good marriage and I will probably eventually be better off but right now I am struggling and still hurting for myself and my kids. I would love to hear from someone who has been here as well.

I didn’t have kids, but the rest sounds familiar. And I struggle to understand how people hurt their kids. My WS moved in with the AP and her teenage kids (high school and local community college ages) when he walked out on me after 25 years together.

And all I can tell you is you are sadly not alone. It is baffling. Keep being the strong loving parent you are and your kids will get through this.
And I am SURE you will be better. I look back at my marriage and realize how much I gave up for him, willingly. It took time, but I have found myself again. You will, too.

I am very sorry this happened to you.
The raging selfishness shown by so many wayward and abandoning spouses is truly shocking.

"And I am SURE you will be better. I look back at my marriage and realize how much I gave up for him, willingly. It took time, but I have found myself again. You will, too."

This ^

The truth is that being with my EXWH was exhausting and really damaging to me. I am so much better off now.

My daughter had not even told any of her friends about the divorce because she is having trouble dealing with it

I see the finalization of your D is pretty recent but how long has your ex been out of the household? I worry that your DD is not leaning on her friends for support. Is she in IC to help her navigate? I ask because my DD really struggled until she was able to get into counseling. It has made a world of difference for her. Just for reference, my D was in 2010 and my DD still has issues because her dad is still playing his games.

You can't control what your ex does. All you can do is make sure your kiddos have the tools to deal with it (and yourself).

I will probably eventually be better off

You will be. Try not framing this sentence as "I will probably...." to telling yourself that this was just one chapter in your book. You have many more chapters to do and "the best is yet to come".

Wool

You now have two threads more-or-less about the same issue with a day apart. In the older thread you already have 12 posts from people that take the time to try to help.
You are totally free to start as many threads as you want, and many do so because they have a new problem or issue they want to address. However – I strongly recommend you stick to THIS one rather than start yet another new one tomorrow. I truly think it will get you more help.

Wool – Detach…
As hard as it might be then realize that he’s fired you from the role of wife.
I get it that his present actions are bad for your daughter, but unfortunately he has the freedom of showing everyone and anyone that he is a dickhead.
As a senior she’s nearing the age where she is considered an adult, and it’s up to her to work out what relationship she wants with her dad. I get your concerns… but frankly they aren’t yours to have.
If that daughter (the senior) is the youngest then the other kids are considered "legal". What relationship they create is based on what he has sowed and created in the last plus 18 years.

I encourage you to do your best to step outside this ring and support your kids in as impartial and unjudgmental a way as possible in creating some form of relationship with their dad. For all you know right now Miss January might remain by his side for eternity. Or not. Not your role to have much of a view on that.

Wool – What I would want for you and your kids is this: In x years’ time from now, when one of your kids is graduating/marrying/christening… whatever… I do hope that they don’t have to chose between inviting you or him, you or him and Miss January, you and your new friend Bob and him and Miss June (assuming January faded away…).
I hope this not because I in any way condone his actions. But rather it would indicate a detachment where he no longer matters in your emotional life.

BTW Wool – I’m dealing with a comparable predicament where my late step-son’s ex wife is in control of the inheritance his minor kids were to get. It’s my view that she’s handling it terribly, and the value has already been significantly decreased. However, the legal system has told me that I don’t have a horse in this race, and therefore can’t do anything. So… I stepped back. Detached. Still hurts me thinking about it, but it no longer controls my life as such.