SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I dated my H for 3yrs b4 accepting to marry him, in the 3yrs of dating he have cheated on me and I forgave him, we got married after some weeks i noticed he's glued to his phone, he don't gimme time or attention. He always chat one AP1, I asked he said she's COW, but he deleted their chats, I cloned his Whatsapp and found out they're not just COW but having an OEA. He tells her everything that happens in my home, even when am pregnant she's the first he told b4 telling his mum.

I talked to him about her, he lied until I showed him my evidence, he accepted but told me he's just chatting nothing serious, i told him am not comfortable with them, that he should stop.

He stopped and went to A2 and started again, I found out and reported to MIL and my M, MIL called us and talked to us he promised her he will stop, but he didn't, he tried hiding and covering his track.

He went back to AP1, I found out they're still having EMA, i saved all their chats and photos, he stopped making love to me with the excuse that he's tired but every night he'll masturbate while having OEA with AP1 or his watching porn. i travelled to my parents and complained to them that i don't want to continue again they said i cant divorce him because of my daughter.

When I came back I found out that he invited AP3 to our house and had an A when he knew I'll be back same day.

I invited my MIL and my M, I told them everything that had gone wrong even showed them the pictures, he wanted to deny it but when he saw those pictures he couldn't say anything. My MIL was disappointed and begged me to stay back, my mom begged me to stay. He begged that he will change and I accepted him,

MIL called me to start praying for him I started praying and hoping he would change, he have deleted everything with AP1 and 2, he now went to AP4 and AP3 and starts talking with them, but they re always unavailable for them to have OEA he have started with another ones but they're not giving him the opportunity and he only go for MW

I am losing myself my worth, I don't know what to do next, I live my days with regret no respect for me, i came across his chat with AP6 where he's begging her to chat him, she said she cant continue with him cos of me his reply is "is it because of her?"

Pls what should I do, I've had suicidal thought but the thought of leaving my daughter behind still keeps me alive

[This message edited by Marky at 8:31 AM, Thursday, April 4th]

Welcome to SI and so sorry you're here. There are some posts pinned at the top of the JFO (Just Found Out) forum that you might find helpful. The Healing Library has a lot of great information and includes the list of acronyms we use.

If too feel suicidal, please contact the suicide hotline at 988. Infidelity is the worst pain I've ever been through. Please remember your daughter and stay with us.

Your WH (wayward husband) is a serial cheater and they rarely change. I would suggest you visit a lawyer or two to find out the rights. I would suggest D (divorce). Don't let him rob you of your youth.

Infidelity is abuse in my mind, and he is abusing you. If you can do IC (individual counseling), that will be helpful for you.

Because he's had a PA (physical affair), you may want to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. If you're having trouble with depression or sleeping, ask your doctor for medications.

Expect your emotions to be all over the place. It takes years to heal from infidelity.

I am scared of taking any decision, I don't know if I should stay or leave. He blames in everything that happens and I don't have choice than to accept and blame myself

We have been married for the past 3yrs but I've never been satisfied sexually, but he will have A and discuss how intimate it was with the AP.

I've cried and beg him to try and satisfy me even if I know he will still get it from his AP.

After I begged him he went and sexing one of his AP.

I was broken, felt useless.

Sometimes I feel like paying him in his own coin, but I can't see myself doing that.

I am scared of taking any decision

There's actual brain chemistry behind that, and it is due to the abuse that he's put you through. If he's describing his intimacy with his AP, that is abusive, too.

Of course, he's going to blame you for everything. HE can't be the bad guy, so it has to be you. But that is so wrong. If he spent the time & energy on your relationship rather than with other women, then your M (marriage) would have been in a much better place.

The As (affairs) are his choices. He is consistently choosing his own selfish wants over you. And you deserve so much better.

(((Marky))) I am so sorry you are going through this nightmare. He sounds incredibly abusive and you are most likely trauma bonded to him is why you feel so scared to leave. I would find a therapist to talk to and detach emotionally from him until you can find your footing and strength. Just take it one minute at a a time.

You are 100% correct in wanting to leave this. Life is so much better on the other side of this. When your mind clears and you start to feel like YOU again. I think you should pursue D. A good person would not be flaunting and describing their A experiences with the person they love. He is trying to degrade you and I find that horrific. An A is bad enough to discover nevermind having your nose rubbed in it. You should try to get out out of this situation for you and your child. Better people are out there for you. Being alone is better than being in this situation.

Marky, this sounds absolutely horrific. I am so so sorry that you are in this situation.

I see that you are in Nigeria. I can’t pretend to know how the law works over there, but I strongly suggest you consult a lawyer to find out what custody of your daughter would look like in the event of a D. Are you able to do that without your WH knowing? The unknown is really scary but you are the mother of what I assume is a very young child, so you may end up not being away from your daughter as much as you fear. I know where I am, for instance, a child under 3 is not usually forced by the courts to spend overnights away from the primary caregiver.

Also, I just wanted to express empathy with you when you talk about your mother and MIL begging you to stay. I’ve been in a similar situation and it’s is absolutely heartbreaking. In my case there was a lot of fear from the older generation about the effect on the children. Unfortunately that fear tends to add to immense hurt the BS is going through.

I'm so sorry you had to find us This is a wonderful supportive community, read all of the information as suggested, it's very helpful. Please stay here for your daughter, she needs you, and you deserve happiness. Start making a plan to get out and have a different life. You don't have to decide anything today but start planning and researching. Sending support and prayers your way!