SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you everyone for all of your responses, it was very insightful to read them and I can see that there are others experiencing similar situations to my own. I definitely don’t think that porn causes a person to cheat, but that there could be a correlation between the two. It’s definitely something that will be discussed more in therapy.

I have a sense of humour - loved the westerner comment

ImaChump - I totally get what you’re saying! I know damn well my WH was watching/using porn to stay faithful during our lowest times … then he got offered sexual favours and made a decision that the porn wasn’t doing what it needed to do for him anymore.

[This message edited by Heartbrokenwife23 at 5:10 AM, Saturday, April 13th]

I’ve watched porn most of my life, I have never cheated. My wife detests adult movies, but unfortunately did not have the same aversion to adultery.

[This message edited by Gunnut at 2:20 PM, Sunday, April 14th]

I don't believe my fWH would have ever cheated if porn hadn't normalized aberrant fantasy behavior for him. Sure, the bottom line is character.. is your word as good as you bond? But without porn, that flaw wouldn't have had been exacerbated by fantasy expectations.

Humans have been cheating on each other since the beginning of history. Does excessive porn watching lead to adultery? That depends on the person but it probably doesn't help the waywards thinking process.

My EXWW started reading steamy novels before she cheated. There was no way her boring husband who shoveled the driveway and took out the trash could compete.

My WW cheated before the internet came to be but she was addicted to soap operas. There was no way I could have competed with the handsome, successful men she watched on TV every day. So there may have been a correlation between that and her wayward behavior. These days the only show she seems to be addicted to is re-runs of Perry Mason.

"Intelligent" men, I'm assuming we're talking about men, understand that porn is pure fantasy and is mostly the porn industry's understanding of what they think people want to see. I believe the porn folks are wrong in the way they think, by the way. And "intelligent" men understand that what they see in porn is NOT what women want. It's just what women were paid to do.

Where it can be dangerous is when teenagers and young men without experience view it and may believe it to be a realistic view of sex.

I believe many watch porn but would never consider actually cheating in real life.

However, I don't have evidence one way or another whether it can serve as a "gateway drug."

[This message edited by Adolfo at 7:00 AM, Tuesday, April 16th]

Back in the days ballet was considered crude and bordering on pornographic.
In my youth a nipple was enough to satisfy any young man’s sexual fantasy. As an adolescent you had the glossy magazines and an occasional well worn and distributed VHS.
These days... it’s only dependent on the speed of your typing if you want to see a bukkake triple-penetration gang-bang first-time audition barely legal brunette being used by dwarfs in a fantasy-rape.
Changes in our society and easy access has normalized porn usage, while at the same time what is defined as porn has been moving further and further away from real sex. There are a couple of genres in porn that are considered "female friendly" (often directed by female directors) or "for couples", but even if you combine those, the demand is probably less than the exaggerated kink I described.

I’m not so certain porn-usage leads to infidelity. I think most affairs are a form of validation due to insecurities. I think insecurities lead to infidelity. I don’t see how seeing a man with an alleged 10-inch schwong lasting 45 minutes while titillating three women simultaneously to frenzied screams of pleasure and then spraying them like a plasterers radio is going to fix your insecurities when you finally hook up and do your usual 10-15 minutes with his +/- half-an-inch from average member.
(BTW – that porn-star with an appendage that could qualify him for handicap parking... He’s probably under average height and has very little body-fat... both things that make it look bigger. Add camera-angles, and that the women tend also to be under average height and his 6 inches could look 10...)

What porn could do to the feeble or immature mind though is that because we see it so much it become the norm and the expected. As stated on this thread the young people (more so men) think that chocking, anal and roughhousing are expected, the norm, and universally enjoyed. For men battling insecurities this might enhance those insecurities because they think everyone is having raging and frequent sex and all they have is their tired wife who isn’t really keen to be tag-teamed and drenched in cum after extended anal. She’s got work to do and chores to complete!
This "missing out" might increase the insecurities and the need for validation. But does it lead to cheating... No... I don’t think it does.

But it can lead to a totally whacked reality of what sex should be – not to mention what porn can NEVER truly show: Love-making.

Damn Bigger.. Well said.. Exactly my point, but a "bit" more graphic way of putting it!

[This message edited by Adolfo at 3:27 AM, Wednesday, April 17th]