SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Get out NOW.

The minute a man put his hands around your neck is game over. Look it up. Choking/throttling— even if it’s "just to get your attention"— is the #1 red flag that DV will turn deadly… even if he’s never been violent in the past.

I know you don’t want to, but you need to report this to the cops, especially while your bruises are still fresh. Your life is in danger.

Although the OW is the least of your problems at this point, I think it’s fair to assume that she wouldn’t be going through the time and expense of subpoenaing your husband for his DNA if she wasn’t pregnant and she wasn’t 99% certain the child is his.

Her next step, after confirming his paternity, is to sue him for child support. If she does that before you file for divorce and get a child support order in place, whatever child support you get will be deducted from whatever is left AFTER her child support payment is determined.

It's been a while since I posted. A lot has happened since. I have moved back home to Southern California. The decision was for the best. My husband was served and the child from what I hear is definitely his. I am happy that I was nowhere near him once he found out,he didn't receive the news well. He has flown out to California TWICE showing up on my doorstep. It wasn't a confrontation with him, he was asking for answers and he apologized for ruining my life. Asked if he could give me money or help me in any way. I am not a mean person, I told him I would be okay. He left a lot of money on my counter and he left with our any problems.
I'm sure he knows we will be getting a divorce, he's fathered a child with another woman. I still have told him about my pregnancy and I don't know if I want to. My emotions are all over the place. I'm heartbroken and I miss my husband, I miss my life. I loved being married, and I miss my home. My whole world is upside down and it feels so surreal.Like a nightmare.I have so much on my plate, and so many hard decisions to make. Please pray for me.

Hang in there OP, you’ve been through a lot but you will get through this. You don’t have to make any decisions about telling your ex about the baby right now. Take your time and get your ducks in a row.

Concentrate on your healing and the baby. Think how happy you’ll be once they’re born. I know it’s not the way you hoped to have a baby but it will still be beautiful.

Bellamy76,

Thank you for updating us. I’m sure everyone here has been worried for you. I’m glad to hear that your husband has come to his senses and doesn’t seem aggressive now. I’m also very happy that you were able to get your move back to California so that you won’t have to live the next 18 years in a place you don’t want to be.

This must be a terrible time for you. It’s all happened so suddenly, and, of course, the emotions are overwhelming, especially being pregnant. Unfortunately, I think the only remedy is time and distance. And I’m happy for you to be having a beautiful new baby in your life. He/she will bring you joy.

Please continue to let us know how you are doing. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your little one. ❤️

Thanks for the update. So sorry this is now your life, please enjoy your pregnancy with your little bundle on the way!

I think you need to give yourself some time, but honestly your child is going to want to know where his/her dad is and IMO you need to think long and hard about that. Despite your WH doing a horrible thing, I suggest you put the needs of your child first.

Remember if this OW applies for child support before you do, in most states she will get the lion's share of the $$ available.

I think he only confessed to you because the OW told him she was pregnant. And then he conveniently kept that part out of it, because having an A is bad enough but could be reconcilable. An other child is usually a dealbreaker for even those who are most open to R.

--Just read your update and I'm thrilled for you that you were able to escape him and the toxic situation (though it does not feel like an escape right now, I'm sure). You did what was best for yourself and your baby to not keep yourself in a situation where he can control you and the OW has access to you.

I'm sorry you're in this horrible situation. I believe an OC is the worst result of an A (save for maybe getting HIV). You are in for years of healing from an insane trauma.

But I admire your strength and resilience.

[This message edited by Revenger at 5:23 PM, Wednesday, May 15th]

I am hoping you realize everyone here at SI has your back and is supporting you in the best way possible - with good advice.

Get yourself a CA lawyer ASAP.

I’m so sorry your life has been shattered by your H’s affair. It might have been different if this was a one time thing, but he saw her multiple times as he admitted. And what the cheater doesn’t EVER consider is the affair could be a dealbreaker.

Often the cheater thinks "oops, sorry, I cheated" and life goes back to normal in a few months. Sadly they never consider the trauma and long term effects betrayal and infidelity have on the betrayed.

Do what is best for you. You can co-parent and be good friends. Does not mean you have to stay married to him. Because it doesn’t sound like you want to remain his wife.

So don’t.

He will cry and beg and plead and make promises. He could mean it or it could be empty promises made to stop you from D him. But at the end of the day an affair is a dealbreaker for some people.

I stayed and reconciled. My H made amends and permanent changes and we are one of the lucky ones. We are happy.

But I struggled for two years b/c I really wanted to D him.

But I can tell you it’s not the same marriage. I have made changes and I am a very different person. I put myself first. Not him. Not the marriage.

I hope this helps you.

Aha Love bombing. I always knew when my wife was screwing someone else, she would lovebomb me. Things like going to a movie and dinner, then hot sex, followed by her being absent for a few days, often because she felt I had said something or done something to upset her, then back to the lovebomb.
I knew there was shit in our lives but what threw me hard into the brick wall was when I was away with work, I got a really bad dose of food poison and ended up in hospital. I rang her but the phone went straight to her voicemail so I told her where I was and that they didn't allow mobiles to be turned on in the wards. I went home 3 days later and she walked out pissed off because I wasn't in contact. I asked if she tried to ring the hospital and she said "why would I". I also noticed no voicemails on my mobile.
Its the flags you need to remember and for me it was the Lovebomb.

How are you ?
I pray for you to be able to walk this very difficult journey with strength and confidence . One day at a time . How is the baby ?

Please stay strong . (((hugs))).