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IC is getting harder for me…

I don’t really know how to explain it so I’ll kind of sum it up? I had to bring up a lot of issues I had as a child with my family dynamic because I know it’s important to my healing but I also feel like now I’m being asked to accept my responsibility for things in my H affair. Maybe not so much accepting it’s my fault but more so straying away from what HE did. I know it’s called IC for a reason but I ALMOST feel like the more I start to heal the more I feel blamed for what happened. I brought up my daughter knowing about the A and that she mentions songs , my drinking, my crying and my counselor said that although he had the A it’s nice I’m taking responsibility for my actions that impacted her…..MY ACTIONS. They were my reactions to a shitty freaking hand I was dealt and if he wouldn’t have had the A then we wouldn’t be here to begin with and she agreed.
I literally prayed to die the first few months.

Maybe I’m afraid to look within? Maybe I’m afraid to talk about my childhood? Maybe I’m afraid of EMDR. I don’t know but todays session has me locked in the room feeling like garbage.

Everytime I bring up good things my H does and good things we do she praises him (and me) then I shut down.(shouldn’t I be happy for the progrsss we’ve made?) no. I don’t want him to be praised , I wouldn’t BE THERE if he would have did the right thing from the freaking beginning. I wonder if I’m fighting healing? I’m so freaking afraid of letting go of what he did because he doesn’t deserve it. Not yet.

My H asked if I brought up my meltdown on my brother and dad this past weekend and I’m really bothered he asked me that. Yes I went off and had a full blown meltdown because my brother is mentally abusing his kids and wife like my dad did us l, I pushed him and kicked him out of my house.
How does that affect your decision to cheat?! It doesn’t. Why do I feel like I’m being targeted and he’s off the hook?

Has anyone felt like they went to IC and maybe faced challenges within similar? I’m struggling to identity how I feel.

Sorry if that doesn’t make sense.

Get another therapist. You.did.nothing.to.cause.the cheating. You brought lots of issues from a rotten childhood and you really could use EMDR but…do not accept that you drove anyone to cheat. They had agency. All they had to do was pack a bag and leave. They chose to cheat.

I am not sure I like the sounds of this.

IC sounds like she is inserting judgment, and that’s not supposed to be part of the process.

Yes, it’s hard when they have you going back and think of other painful trauma that you might have experienced as a child. I remember the sessions regarding my CSA. But I never felt judged over any of it. I think she did a good job of helping me heal those places rather than feeling ashamed of them.

It sounds like she is judging you for how you coped, rather than reinforcing what you are learning about coping. Doing the latter would help you see you are taking the path that is right for you, and standing tall trying to conquer things like enjoying the sun again. She would help you see your progress, not who you were as you were reeling from a terrible trauma.

No one fucking knows how to do this in the thick of it, when it’s happening to you. How dare she judge your early responses.

Now for devils advocate, not for a response for me but for you to be able to touch the parts of you that holds shame. We all have shame, we accumulate it through our lives if we aren’t careful. And sometimes when it’s out of balance, like when someone you trust betrays you, we can find ourselves projecting our judgment of ourselves onto other people. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you are doing but I am saying it so you can try it on. Weighing what you and what’s her will help you decide, if it might be time to move on to another IC who might be a better fit for where you are now.

Healing is its own awakening. It was humbling to me early on when I saw my big flaws, ways I failed myself and others (not even talking about the affair) some of it doesn’t feel good. I recognized a lot of things that were overwhelming to me to even think about addressing. And this was as a ws, not a bs who has just had one of the most traumatic experience one can have. It never hurts to consider breaks from IC for a period of integration.

So those are some different options towards exploring what your truth is. Hard to discern what is actually happening from my viewpoint. Sometimes reading what others interpret from you can help clarify, even if we can’t define.

[This message edited by hikingout at 2:08 AM, Thursday, May 30th]

I’m
Stuck in the middle here because I think what triggered me the most was my H asked if I brought it up. After talking to him and me telling him I felt like he was deflecting his issues. He told me it was because he wanted her opinion on having the toxicity around us in our vulnerable time (he should have said so at the beginning but of course I didn’t want to talk about it.) I guess I’m proud of asking him why he asked me vs yelling at him and assuming he was trying to deflect. Growth is effing hard and not sure if I’ll ever think it’s easy.

As far as my IC I’m going to try to sit on things she said and try to digest them and maybe make sure I’m not making it a bigger thing than it is. We start EMDR next week and if I feel like she makes me feel that way again I’ll hop ship.

I don’t really know how to explain it so I’ll kind of sum it up? I had to bring up a lot of issues I had as a child with my family dynamic because I know it’s important to my healing but I also feel like now I’m being asked to accept my responsibility for things in my H affair. Maybe not so much accepting it’s my fault but more so straying away from what HE did. I know it’s called IC for a reason but I ALMOST feel like the more I start to heal the more I feel blamed for what happened.

I think this is part of why it’s said that you should recover before you say reconcile. Otherwise you can end up crossing streams like this. You have new trauma, that has probably made you aware again of old trauma, and you are motivated to deal with it all to become a whole healthy person. That makes sense. It has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with WH atrocious, selfish, betraying choice to sleep with another woman. Gotta keep that straight with the way you are trying to parallel path healing and R (no stones to throw here, I tried the same thing).

I brought up my daughter knowing about the A and that she mentions songs , my drinking, my crying and my counselor said that although he had the A it’s nice I’m taking responsibility for my actions that impacted her…..MY ACTIONS. They were my reactions to a shitty freaking hand I was dealt and if he wouldn’t have had the A then we wouldn’t be here to begin with and she agreed.

This is probably the hardest thing I’m ever going to say to you, but I think it’s important to say. You are accountable for your actions. If our wayward partners are not allowed to offload their guilt due to FOO and trauma and other reasons, then we must hold ourselves to an equitable standard. My mom emotionally damaged me in the wake of my father’s betrayals. And I can only now see how bad of a situation she was in, but she still shouldn’t have done what she did.

You are allowed to cry, but please don’t use your children as confidants. You can take a drink, but please don’t get drunk in front of your kids. I fucking know you are in pain, and even so, your actions are your own.

I literally prayed to die the first few months.
Maybe I’m afraid to look within? Maybe I’m afraid to talk about my childhood? Maybe I’m afraid of EMDR. I don’t know but todays session has me locked in the room feeling like garbage.

Looking within is scary, particularly if our closets are packed full of decades old skeletons. I think you will hear a fairly consistent voice here that it’s worth it and a necessary step to healing, both the new and old trauma.

Why do I feel like I’m being targeted and he’s off the hook?

I have absolutely felt like therapists went harder at me than they did at my wife. Even today, I was telling my old MC that I felt like he was being biased against me by uncritically accepting my lying wife’s narrative and assuming very negative intent against me. I am incredibly sick of therapists.

I’m sorry you are having a rough day. If anything I said upsets you, I hope you can believe it’s coming from a place of wanting good for you and your kids.

I'm just going to talk about me, about how I relate to what you are saying and what happened with me. I am not judging, just sharing on a topic that I struggled with.

My H brought a lot of issues into our relationship, things I maybe didn't want to look at or things that I didn't fully understand until I realized how he was coping with these issues (like shame, low self-esteem, denial, avoidance, codependency).

When we started having kids, the pressure started ramping up. The oldest child had problems immediately, sensory issues and not sleeping and then difficulty at school. My stress caused me to overfunction. (I'm an oldest child raised by a narcissist, so that's all I know to do to survive.) My To Do lists and specialist appointments and taking charge triggered my H's stress and poor coping and sexually acting out.

When I started to realize that he was taking his porn addiction way too far, I became so angry. Maybe because it wasn't one AP? Wasn't emotional? Idk. But I didn't feel so much hurt as I felt trapped and tricked and pissed off. Like WTF, dude? Be a freaking father!!!! Be who I thought you were! In our day to day lives, I lashed out. Frequently. I was like, "Well, you are a mother f@cker, so I have a right to berate you whenever I feel like it!" These feelings led to my RA. Spite. Anger. Venom. Hostility. I felt almost nothing else toward my H.

But years later, as I look back, I am deeply ashamed of the way I betrayed my own obligations to maturity and morality. I was no better than him, essentially believing, "I'm allowed to cope however I want because you hurt me." No, no I was not "allowed" to act or react however I wanted. I failed myself. My kids have some bad memories of my anger, some trauma. Sure, I could have a hissy fit and say, "But it wasn't my fault! He did this!" But my kids do not see it that way.

There is no do over with your actions or your reactions. No matter what life throws at you, the world is watching. And holding you responsible. Victim of violent crime? They are watching. Victim of huge injustice? They are watching. Victim of illness or injury or loss? They are watching. My kids were watching, and they saw an angry, out of control woman. They do not care why I acted that way. I scared them. I really scared them.

Someone said to me the other day, joking but serious, "You don't deal with disappointment very well, do you?" It's clearly something I still need to work on. Me. A me issue, whether I like it or not.

My horribly abusive reactions, and especially my RA, humbled me. I am deeply ashamed of the way that person could not work through her emotions in a manner that did not selfishly damage others. I think, "It's like I did not care about anything but my own feelings." So ashamed. But there are no do overs here. Concepts like revenge or "going scorched earth" sound so tough and full of ego and bravado, but all that acting out to protect your ego comes with consequences of its own. And the world does not let you say, "But he/she hurt me. I was hurt." Nope. They do not accept reasons; instead they say you are making excuses. The world expects you to handle your shit, just like we expected our WS to do. Not act out.

We all have to own our behaviors. And nope, life is not fair.

ETA: sometimes I fantasize that my kids will finally see it from my side, finally see that my H is the one with all the issues. Poor me! But I know what they really think and always will think, "Yes, mom. Dad was often a horribly selfish asshat, but why did you act so out of control? Why did you get so mean? You're supposed to be an adult. Our mom. It was upsetting." My reactions were (in an optimal way) supposed to be something they could count on, something that made them feel safe no matter what. And I failed them. They think that, and I agree.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 4:39 AM, Thursday, May 30th]

MY ACTIONS

Those are the only things we truly control…our actions.

Feelings? Emotions? Can we directly control those? No. Thoughts? Poorly. Other people’s feelings, thoughts and actions? Even worse.

But our actions? We control those 100%, always.

The good news is that our actions can influence our feelings and emotions.

it’s nice I’m taking responsibility for my actions that impacted her

It is good. It’s growth!

Are you looking for your IC to give you permission to not take responsibility for (or ownership of) your actions?

Consider that his A revealed a situation with you, rather than caused it. There has always been room for you to become a better you, more resilient and self-aware, more perceptive of life and those around you. I guarantee 99.99% of people are in that state. The A just turned it from an opportunity into a necessity for survival. You have to change in order to deal and to cope. You have to change. To grow.

I know I did. Status quo would not do. I had to change.

I read this quote a few minutes ago, some guy from Ancient Greece…

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Sending strength!

[This message edited by HouseOfPlane at 2:52 PM, Thursday, May 30th]

One other thought about your post: IC is hard. While it IS a place to vent and feel validated (all helpful), the person you are there to help is yourself.

I, too, wanted what you want when I started decades ago with a lying, cheating boyfriend. (I've gone off and on over many years and seen many different ICs. I'm a big fan and really enjoy the unbiased view they offer.) I wanted the IC to tell me how to deal with my exbf, to tell me...well, how to fix him. I've said this here on SI before, but I CLEARLY remember her saying, "But what about you? What's going on with you?"

I stared at her. Then I said, "I've just told you. I told you all about his behavior."

She said, "That's him. I get it. But what is going on with you?"

Boy, this concept threw me off. With all my grief, frustration, and anger at my ex, she wanted to talk about me, my FOO, my goals, my job, and my habits.

It took a while before I understood that all she can help me with is ME. All she can help with is my thinking, my dwelling, my ruminating, my choices, my actions and reactions. She cannot do anything about any other person than the one sitting in front of her.

This was not what I wanted to hear. It didn't feel like the fix I was looking for, but it actually WAS! She helped me see myself and my relationships. She helped me understand my true needs. She helped me value myself over a relationship--over any relationship. She helped me end unhelpful and false messages playing in my head. She helped me get clear, logical, strong, and proud. She changed me.

IC saved me by changing me. And ALL of my relationships improved as a result.

It's often very hard to understand what a therapist is saying. It's easy to turn an observation into criticism in one's head. SO maybe your IC is telling you you're partly responsible for your WS's A, but they may be telling you you're dodging responsibility for your actions.

It's hard to make that distinction early on, though, as OIN writes. Early in IC some people are generally so defended that observation does sound like criticism. I've done several rounds of therapy in my life. A number of ICs told me, 'You're making it (i.e. the changes I wanted to make) harder than it is.' It was only after I stopped doing that that I realized they were giving me feedback, not telling me I was wrong. I really did make it harder than it was.

My memory of therapy is that I often came up against resistances that scared me almost to death. It took a lot of work to address those resistances; once addressed though, it was a lot easier to remove them than I thought it would be - a LOT easier. Every time, after the issues was resolved, I said to myself, 'I don't understand why I was afraid of that.'

So I'd bet everything I own and everything I can borrow that you do have a lot of fear of attacking resistance and letting it go. I think that applies to virtually every one of us.

If IC is getting harder, you're probably doing it right.

*****

OTOH, if your IC us really saying you're partly to blame for your WS's A, educate her, or find a new IC. IOW, just as you have to confront yourself and your H, you need to confront your IC. Ask her what she really means. Respond as you think best.

I think this is part of why it’s said that you should recover before you say reconcile. Otherwise you can end up crossing streams like this. You have new trauma, that has probably made you aware again of old trauma, and you are motivated to deal with it all to become a whole healthy person.

This was more how IC felt for me as a ws, but I spent more time in therapy for that. I think it’s good to point out because as the ws we are also practicing skills and not sure how to integrate them. We are touching all our shame while living in it. But as sisson says if it’s getting harder you are probably doing it right. After you have time to weigh if she is bringing judgment or your are hearing judgments because you judge yourself.

I think the most empowering thing to take from where you are is seeing that your coping has moved forward from where it was. I think beating yourself up over past behavior is not helpful but understanding it and seeing your progress is a great way to show yourself compassion through a very difficult process.

You are doing great, Groot. Sometimes it’s hard to see that when you are in the thick of it . But I am proud of you! There is so much here that I see in you that inspires me. Be gentle with yourself!

I read a few responses and I agree that nobody should shift the blame on you for somebody’s betrayal. Were there problems? Who hasn’t problems? Were they addressed? Was there a couple therapy to support both? How can cheating ever be seen as a sensible choice? It is a violence and there is no justification. You can understand people make bad choices but how is blame on the offended person ever to be mentioned?

If the message was you had your share of responsibility within the relationship that is very likely but your responsibility ends there.

If your therapist is being judgemental, choose a different one. I know a very special gentleman who was betrayed by his wife and guess what the profession of his wife is? She is a therapist!! Imagine how biased her suggestions! She knew how to communicate and chose not to. She never wanted to discuss the betrayal…Imagine if she can teach others how to communicate about cheating…

From what you have written it sounds like the therapist cheated and projects her/his blame on their clients.

[This message edited by Fantastic at 4:09 PM, Thursday, May 30th]

I really appreciate everyones comments and not one here has offended or upset me because they are true and sometimes the truth hurts.
I remember in my 4th session I finally told my IC about my childhood trauma (that i didnt' know was trauma) and she told me she was proud of me bc my first 3 sessions were all about my H and HIS behavior. Which at the time that is kind of what I thought it would do for me is be able to FIX what my H did and somehow help me through it , which she is but it is more centered around my thought process, my boundaries, my relationships... it just wasn't what I was expecting.
That is when things got hard... I had to face parts within that I buried, or that I didn't realize were toxic and I told my H last night it was like I was placed in a snow globe and I just won't stop getting shook up... my life is different, I am viewing ALL of my relationships/friendships different and although I know it is necessary it is probably the hardest thing I have done.
There are a few friends of mine that I just see differently now and I realize they just aren't good for our M anymore... growth is hard. My brothers GF actually told me I was causing issues in their relationship because of always hearing about me and my H issues (She would call me and ask...) Looking back I NOW see it is easy to blame other people for your relationship failing when you don't want to face that there have always been issues but instead of owning them, lets blame everyone else.
I told my IC i do not talk to her about our issues anymore and really at all... I told her that I talk to my H about them now, that we have moved into the hard conversations and she was very happy and said it was a huge step. It feels good to not have to rely on people as much.

I think this is part of why it’s said that you should recover before you say reconcile. Otherwise you can end up crossing streams like this. You have new trauma, that has probably made you aware again of old trauma, and you are motivated to deal with it all to become a whole healthy person. That makes sense. It has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with WH atrocious, selfish, betraying choice to sleep with another woman. Gotta keep that straight with the way you are trying to parallel path healing and R (no stones to throw here, I tried the same thing).

INK THIS.... THIS. I always wondered what that meant and holy batman, I see it. I did sit my H down last night and I cried and told him I felt targeted by his question on if I brought up my drama with my brother and dad and that I felt like he was deflecting which i put in a previous post here, he explained why he asked. I made it very clear to him that NOTHING from my childhood made him have the A, he agreed, I felt much better after knowing he wasn't trying to deflect.

This is probably the hardest thing I’m ever going to say to you, but I think it’s important to say. You are accountable for your actions. If our wayward partners are not allowed to offload their guilt due to FOO and trauma and other reasons, then we must hold ourselves to an equitable standard. My mom emotionally damaged me in the wake of my father’s betrayals. And I can only now see how bad of a situation she was in, but she still shouldn’t have done what she did.

I will forever be thankful you had the guts to say this...

I was thinking it but of course actually having to face that I have contributed to her trauma by not coping so well... hard as hell. At the beginning , I don't think I could have done better bc I was so freaking upset but as time has gone on, I need to start utilizing things im learning in IC and stop giving into old habits.

Owning it now

THANK YOU SO MUCH for being so vulnerable and for sharing your story and how it relates to YOU because all of what you said resonates with me so much and we have a lot in common on how we reacted and honestly our husbands.. my H also was a porn addict. Thankfully only one of my kids is old enough to see and understand that what I am doing is not helpful and unfortunately sometimes downright traumatizing... I am sure the babies were also impacted seeing their mom not get out of bed and be short tempered when I was. I just know they will forget.. my 10 yo may never. I have a lot of changes to make and I know now that I can't hide my actions behind my H affair, it will never be fair but my kids don't deserve it.

I know I will stumble and sometimes downright fall but I won't give up.

House of plane

Consider that his A revealed a situation with you, rather than caused it. There has always been room for you to become a better you, more resilient and self-aware, more perceptive of life and those around you. I guarantee 99.99% of people are in that state. The A just turned it from an opportunity into a necessity for survival. You have to change in order to deal and to cope. You have to change. To grow.

YES! Now I see so many dysfunctions in so many relationships I have, even ones between other people that I am not involved in. The A was a huge eye opener for me and I am not jumping on the I love it boat but I am swimming towards it..

Sisoon

It's often very hard to understand what a therapist is saying. It's easy to turn an observation into criticism in one's head. SO maybe your IC is telling you you're partly responsible for your WS's A, but they may be telling you you're dodging responsibility for your actions.

After sitting on it a little bit today I am sure she meant I have not been taking responsibility for my actions and I wasn't and honestly I still kinda am not but I am trying. It is hard to not blame him for all of it because if he didnt do what he did I wouldnt be doing what I am doing. BUT at the end of the day, it isn't only me im hurting but everyone in my circle that didn't have anything to do with the A.

If IC is getting harder, you're probably doing it right.

I have to agree, nothing good in life is easy as I have learned. I know once EMDR hits it will just get harder on those days but I always seem to feel better the following days... like i let go of something heavy I carried.

H/O

You are doing great, Groot. Sometimes it’s hard to see that when you are in the thick of it . But I am proud of you! There is so much here that I see in you that inspires me. Be gentle with yourself!

Thank you for always being such a great supporter to all of us on SI, you're appreciated!

I will end this with , I told my H last night there are days I come home from IC or even days where I go through the day and I do not feel much of anything... I don't feel a big feeling of love or hate for him. When he comes home sometimes I feel its like I am walking past a stranger on the street and THOSE are my WORST days. I feel numb, I feel like I am empty and then that is when I have to feel something. So either alcohol helps put me in a better mood or I pick at my H until I feel sadness, anger , or even start a fight.. Then at least I can feel something and he understood better and knowledge is power. (I am not saying it is right) but telling him and my IC means at least I can start working through it and try to fix it. I told my H I never used to understand people that would use cutting as a coping mechanism... I AM NOT SAYING I WOULD EVER because I really don't think I would but it makes sense, being on the other side has helped me become so much more empathetic and in tune and if anything came out of this I am glad it is that. That I can eventually be a better parent, daughter, friend and POSSIBLY wife after all of this is said and done.

I really appreciate y'all letting me downright vulnerable and word vomity here , talking through it sometimes is what I need.

My horribly abusive reactions, and especially my RA, humbled me. I am deeply ashamed of the way that person could not work through her emotions in a manner that did not selfishly damage others. I think, "It's like I did not care about anything but my own feelings." So ashamed. But there are no do overs here. Concepts like revenge or "going scorched earth" sound so tough and full of ego and bravado, but all that acting out to protect your ego comes with consequences of its own. And the world does not let you say, "But he/she hurt me. I was hurt." Nope. They do not accept reasons; instead they say you are making excuses. The world expects you to handle your shit, just like we expected our WS to do. Not act out.

I could really relate to this. I had similar reactions to my xWS's A's including being verbally abusive towards him and having a RA. Since then I have had years of therapy including CBT and 2 stints in a mental hospital (one for attempted suicide the other for suicidal ideation). Infidelity is no joke it is so traumatic and can bring out the worst in people, it certainly did for me but still not an excuse for my behavior. The worst is the years lost for my kids and how all of this affected them. None of it was fair and none of it would have happened if I wasn't married to my xWS and him having multiple affairs and myself being abused emotionally and one time physically by him.

Maybe right now is not the time to focus on owning your reactions. I think you still need to focus on healing your trauma. Maybe take R off the table for a bit so as not to cause stress to live up to.

Have you read "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel A. van der Kolk? It's a great book on how your body holds trauma and reactions to the trauma. It really helped me a lot.

INK THIS.... THIS. I always wondered what that meant and holy batman, I see it. I did sit my H down last night and I cried and told him I felt targeted by his question on if I brought up my drama with my brother and dad and that I felt like he was deflecting which i put in a previous post here, he explained why he asked. I made it very clear to him that NOTHING from my childhood made him have the A, he agreed, I felt much better after knowing he wasn't trying to deflect.

If you husband has even the slightest inkling of taking the self learnings you share with him from IC and turning them back on you with a "see, this is what I had to put up with, can you see now why I cheated" kind of attitude, I would advise not sharing that with him at this time. Your vulnerable FOO and trauma learnings ARE NOT his excuses for his sins. You don’t have to share that stuff with him. While you may want to because he is your husband and it seems like great intimacy building content, if he is not treating it with the highest degree of sacredness he should not be allowed into that space.

I will forever be thankful you had the guts laugh to say this...

This, this, is how diamond level people respond. You are wonderful, Groot, don’t let this bullshit touch that.

Ink.

Absolutely never did he blame my issues for the A.
He asked me if I brought up my brother coming over and me pushing him into our kitchen island and screaming in his face. After my brother left i cried to my H and told him the more i do IC and the more I look into my past the more I see how messed up my brother is and how he is effing up his kids, i cried for hours that night with him. The next day I had to go pick up my SIL and her kids bc my brother became aggressive towards them and it brought back all kinds of feelings.

When I came home the first thing he asked is "Did you tell her about this past weekend?" I immediately went to "Oh gosh he thinks im nutty and this is my fault." Deep down I know I have shame still.

I shut down and went to the bedroom, when I was calmed down enough to ask I asked him why he asked me that.

He told me it was because he wanted to know what she had to say about me being around that trauma right now while we are working through things and I am still trying to heal from my trauma, he wanted to see her thoughts. He apologized for not telling me why he asked up front but he didnt know how to tell me that he was worried about me being around it right now because I am highly sensitive to things like that bc I am reprocessing it all.

Hope that clarifies a bit.

This, this, is how diamond level people respond. You are wonderful, Groot, don’t let this bullshit touch that.

Momma never raised a quitter.

When I switched from the "put a Band-Aid on it/put the genie back in the bottle" path to the "I’m going to grow my way out of this" path, once I had made progress it changed how I saw my wife. By climbing up the growth hill a little bit I was able to see her still down in the valley, scrabbling. She was still my wife, and it’s still sucked what she had done, but now I could have some empathy for her. She was now just one more person living a "life of quiet desperation", like so many others. It changed how I saw her, and it changed how I interacted with her.

Healing yourself first is critical. Growing yourself is even better.

Groot, you are smart and aware. I have faith that you will do great on your journey!

Thanks for your post.

House of plane

Thank you.

People think that after infidelity you just stop loving your spouse … it doesn’t work that way. I wish after d day u could have shut that off but I couldn’t.

As I heal I see how broken he really was and honestly how broken I was but avoided it. Does that make the A ok? Hell freaking no but if anything I think I will grow from this tremendously and so will he. Either together or apart and for that we will be such better parents.

[This message edited by Groot1988 at 10:34 PM, Thursday, May 30th]