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So I’ve been trying to lose my baby weight for years but it clung to me stubbornly for awhile. Then I started making simple life style changes and it began coming off slowly which is great right? So over the last two and a half years, I’ve lost over 50 pounds. Then when I had D day, I couldn’t eat hardly at all for a long time. So now people who don’t know are like you look so amazing??! What are you doing??? OMG
And a sick twisted part of myself wants to say… OMG HAVE YOU TRIED THE TRAUMA DIET??? it’s so easy! Just find out your husband cheated on you and losing weight is so easy!!! And then just watch their face…
I’m having a dark humor day.

Same lol! Not about losing the baby weight (I'm a guy), but after discovering my wife's affair, I rapidly lost nearly 50 pounds. I wasn't huge but looking back at pictures pre-Dday, I was definitely starting to pack it on and get soft.

The weight loss added with going to the gym more regularly (just to keep from going crazy) had people saying the same thing to me, "wow, you look great! what's your secret?" Took every ounce of will power not to say, "the infidelity diet plan, works fast, but I don't recommend it because the side effects from infidelity suck!"

I did use it on a couple of my very closest friends who knew. Gotta find some humor in this crap-storm.

As karma would have it, my wife lost a ton of weight in the midst of her A (about 5-6 months virtual EA, but physical in the sense they sexted and pleasured themselves doing that plus a make-out session with some random guy she met at a bar during this same period of time- though as we all know, it's unlikely they just "made-out"). But then when she was "outed" she packed on the 50 pounds or so I lost.

For what it's worth, we're still together and working to R (about 2.5 years out from the last Dday) and she's back in the gym. But we'll see if she has it in her to do the real work on herself and the relationship.

[This message edited by dontlookbackinanger at 8:23 PM, Tuesday, June 25th]

It’s funny but it’s not at the same time. I lost 35 lbs, down from 215 to 180. And I’m 6’-1" so the 215 didn’t look bad really, but at 180, that’s my high school weight. It’s wild how when depressed you just don’t want to eat and you’re not even hungry after starving yourself.

Right?!

I’ve been struggling with my weight since having kids, particularly my last one back in 2020. I gained so much weight, I actually didn’t recognize myself anymore. I lost 40 pounds in total from the "Trauma Diet." Honestly … I haven’t looked and felt this good (weight wise) in years. I took this opportunity to dress up again and feel good about myself wearing clothes I haven’t fit into in years. Instead of wearing baggy sweaters and leggings, I’m rocking jeans and crop tops again and make sure to look my best when going out with friends. I get much satisfaction that my WH gets jealous about my "new found look."

I'm glad you were able to find the humour in this and that you're finding a silver lining in this shit storm. I feel like this is a great example of the reason why we shouldn't comment on changes in people's bodies unless you are close enough to them that you know that any weight gain/loss was intentional or they raise it themselves.

Generally speaking, I have always been thin person with an athletic build, and although there have (of course) been some mild fluctuations over time (pregnancies, etc), I have been fortunate to have never struggled with my weight. For reference, my BMI generally hovers somewhere near the lower end of normal. Note: I provide this background only to point out that I have never in my life "needed" to lose weight in any way.

There have been two occasions in my life however, where due to extreme stress/illness/trauma, I unintentionally dropped about 10-15+ lbs. For reference, this was enough to clearly put me in the "underweight" BMI category. Physically, my clothes were hanging off me, and I was tired, anemic, not sleeping well, my face was gaunt and pale, and I was cold virtually all the time. I certainly did not feel great, and mentally I was just barely hanging on. That said, during these periods, I got an embarrassing amount of attention from colleagues, acquaintances, family members, store shop owners, strangers on the street etc complimenting me, asking for my secret, and lamenting about how lucky I was to be able to eat like I did and stay thin. Others gossiped aloud as to whether I had an eating disorder (and not out of concern). In those instances, I felt put on the spot, and felt the need to explain that I was not trying to lose weight and I was just stressed and the response was always, "oh you don't know how lucky you are...", which made me want to scream. Whether the attention was positive or negative, I hated all of it. I have never, in my life, been so aware of how much attention other people paid to my body. Nobody seemed to notice (or care) that I was falling apart but they sure as shit noticed that all of a sudden I was a clothes horse. The knowledge that I apparently "look better" to others at a clearly unhealthy weight and mental space, also speaks to how screwed up societal perceptions of idealized womens' bodies are.

I will tell you, my default reaction now if I notice that a friend has had a major fluctuation in their weight is to not mention it but to check in with them to see how they are doing.

[This message edited by emergent8 at 9:40 PM, Tuesday, June 25th]

30ish pounds in two months.

She took away my desire for food. That's so very f'd up for someone who spent decades in the restaurant and catering biz! I like food. It keeps me alive. It delights the senses, satisfying the ever present desire to live life and enjoy...

Of course, I eventually found all that weight I'd lost. So, there's that silver lining.

Severe trauma, it seems, overwhelms our brains and schools the bejesus out of every other weight loss program out there.

I am right there with you. I could not lose the 15 lbs I gained over the last year no matter what I did until my life blew up. It’s been the worst but most effective diet I’ve ever tried.

I experienced this as well. I was holding onto baby weight (and slowly gaining even more weight, instead of losing the original baby weight!) and barely working out. Then DDay hit last year and I never lost weight so fast. 10 pounds in a few days, and it never came back.

It's been a year now (and about 6 months since my D was finalized), and I'm down 30 pounds, working out regularly again, and more confident than I've been in years. I find great satisfaction in knowing my POSExH recognizes the changes.

I did tell some people close to me how I lost the weight when they complimented me. It was probably the only good thing I saw about the whole situation in the early days. I even told my ex mother in law that was the reason...I think she regretted mentioning it after that(!). My ExH and his family always were happy to pretend nothing bad ever happened and bury their heads in the sand.