SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We told them. They weren’t shocked, it was a much lighter mood than last year when we separated. My second seemed pretty impacted, he’s taken a walk to talk with a friend. I’m stunned, somewhat relieved. The arm is off, it’s time to apply the tourniquet and hike out to safety.

I’m celebrating with you, Ink. This has been a long and terrible road for all of you, but you’re right. Now to hike out. You’re on your way to your new future.

Truly so happy for you. Thinking of you and your kids tonight and wishing all of you ever-increasing peace as you move forward.

What aspect of it left you stunned?

Glad the talk went ok. Lean on us when needed. You're not walking alone.

{{hugs}}

It eventually had to happen Ink, at least now the healing can begin. Your strength through all this will help your children get through this together with you. You will forever be their rock and the o e they can count on to be there for them.

Well done IH.

I assume you are using a 127 hours analogy, and if so, think of the images of him at the end, with a beaming smile. Yes his experience was horrific, but he came out the other side, with a different life, but no reason why it couldn't be as good (or better?) than before.

All the best.

You’re so strong ink, I admire you.

Sending tons of healing vibes your way.

[This message edited by Groot1988 at 1:37 PM, Wednesday, June 26th]

I’m not exactly sure why I’m feeling shocked, but I am, even still this morning. Maybe it’s a further significant change that I need to adjust to, maybe there is some disbelief that her delusions persist to the point of driving off a cliff and taking me and the kids with her.

And it’s just not time for celebration for me yet. This feels like a death.

Well when the shock wears off having that behind you will be some relief. Now that it’s out, they will likely be processing for some time now and at least they can start asking questions. I feel for all of you, best wishes for the healing ahead.

This w a necessary and your kids will adjust. They will see your new peace and that is way healthier than the discomfort you have been living in for years.

You got this. Just keep loving those kids.

And I’m pretty fucking sure she left a love note that I wrote her out for me to find in a place that I would certainly find it and has plausible deniability. I need to get away from this woman.

[This message edited by InkHulk at 3:12 PM, Wednesday, June 26th]

It feels like a death because it in a very real sense is a death. And like all deaths you need to give yourself permission to mourn and rage. It’s perfectly normal. Just keep telling yourself that people go thru this all the time and survive For now, it’s one foot in front of the other.

Death without a funeral - Jason Gray

There's no stone to lay the flower down beside
No mention in the paper, though something clearly died
No gathering for family and friends eulogise
It's a death without a funeral

There's no book to sign for people filing in
No table full of pictures
Where they'd say "Remember when"
No song is sung about
How all good things come to an end
It's a death without a funeral

When you see me, I'm still breathing
Though a million things have died inside of me
But there's no healing without grieving
No wonder why it's hard to rest in peace

When there's nothing we can bury in the dirt
No place to lay the memory of all things that were
No way to feel the closure, no ending to the hurt
It's a death without a funeral

When you see me, I'm still breathing
Though a million things have died inside of me
But there's no healing without grieving
No wonder why it's hard to rest in peace

One apple hadn't fallen with the leaves
As I reached up I remembered
How we both planted that tree
With one bite I was surprised
To find the fruit was still so sweet

I'm sure you are relieved to have gotten this part over with but yes a M ending is just like a death and it will take time to grieve. Your children will also grieve but will get through it. Everyone adjusts accordingly and life moves on just like after a death.

Are you in therapy IH sorry if I haven't read that part, but therapy really helped me get through leaving and D. Wishing you strength and peace, happiness too when it comes.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 4:50 PM, Wednesday, June 26th]

I think you're stunned because telling the kids made this divorce real for you, perhaps more profoundly so then even filing the paperwork.

And I’m pretty fucking sure she left a love note that I wrote her out for me to find in a place that I would certainly find it and has plausible deniability. I need to get away from this woman.

Forget the Cheater's Handbook... she's finding new and creative ways to be passive aggressive and cruel. Yes, the sooner you get away, the better.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 5:26 PM, Wednesday, June 26th]

And it’s just not time for celebration for me yet. This feels like a death.

This makes total sense, congratulations for a major step in the journey, but there is nothing to celebrate. You did everything you could do, now it’s to continue the path towards healing. The only way to it, is through it.

The arm is off, it’s time to apply the tourniquet and hike out to safety.

You were stuck between a rock and a hard place (I'm sorry, I couldn't help it), with no good options, and you did what you needed to do. I'm so sorry. Strength to you all.

And I’m pretty fucking sure she left a love note that I wrote her out for me to find in a place that I would certainly find it and has plausible deniability.

Classic passive aggressive move. What is her angle? Trying to remind you of your love for her so you feel guilty?

I used exactly the same analogy about getting out of my marriage as this one. Exactly. But cutting off a limb was a small price to pay to get out of my toxic marriage. It will be for you too.

somewhat relieved

Hang on to that relief. Because it IS a relief to have this part over. To finally be moving forward, as fucking terrifying as that is, it's still better than mired in the shitshow of this marriage. For everyone.

Your kids will feel relieved because they aren't dumb-they knew something was up and there will be a part of them that is also glad the other shoe dropped. They knew it was coming on some level. They will still take time to process and getting them into therapy and having the ability to do so without either one of their parents involved is critical.

Just keep being steadfast and accessible. And continue to ignore the bizarre behavior of your STBX (btw someone commented years ago in the D/S forum that STBX reminded them of "shit box" which I really chuckled over, I hope you will too).

Onwards.

You were stuck between a rock and a hard place (I'm sorry, I couldn't help it)

That was beneath you, but it did make me smile, so I guess we’re cool

Classic passive aggressive move. What is her angle? Trying to remind you of your love for her so you feel guilty?

I don’t know, again, I’ll never get a straight answer. This note was written during attempted R and I signed it xbff (best friend forever, for the boomers out there ), and I specifically remember her finding that extra meaningful. I take it to mean she is reminding me of walking away from that.

If she wanted to anything other than that, she could have written me telling me of HER love. Instead she shoves in my face that she is sad that she is losing my love. What a fucking forever victim, it’s unreal. She did something similar after asshat mechanic when I first said I wanted a divorce. She took off the intermediate ring I gave her and left out for me to find. I wonder what her world is like, because it bears no resemblance to the one I live in.

Forget the Cheater's Handbook... she's finding new and creative ways to be passive aggressive and cruel. Yes, the sooner you get away, the better.

Remember that whole discussion a few threads back about creative effort? This is not what I had in mind