SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just wanted to pop in with an update, would like to offer hope and encouragement to all.

I (female) joined this group in December 2007 as a Wayward Spouse having just been confronted by the Betrayed Spouse.

I was desperate, remorseful, scared, and entertaining suicidal thoughts. This group welcomed me with support, positive regard, empathy, and tough love when I needed it. The concern from both WS’s and BS’s changed my life immediately.

For months after my infidelity was revealed, I was feverishly committed to doing whatever it took to help my BS heal and consider reconciliation, even though he had already left. (Since we had a child together, we still maintained communication.)

During those months, I let him humiliate me both in public and in private, as a way to prove to him that I was willing to own everything I had done. But my transparency and willingness to accept my punishments only seemed to fuel him more.

Until the day I learned the truth. The truth that he’d been deceiving me. The truth that he’d been having an affair with another man all along. Had likely been meeting up with men for years.

That’s when I logged in again and shared with my fellow SI friends that not only did I need recovery as a Wayward Spouse, but also as a Betrayed Spouse. And you all came through for me epically…again and again.

Thanks to the help of this group, personal therapy, the support of family and friends, and (most of all) my faith in God, I was able to shed that "WS" scarlet letter I forced myself to wear for years, and now I am fully recovered.

As of today, I have been blissfully married for almost fourteen years to the man of my dreams (another former BS). I was absolutely upfront and honest with him about my past from the beginning, and he has never viewed me as anything less than a loving and imperfect human being. He had taken the long road to recovery, as well, and we both share that appreciation for the gift of survival. We have a beautiful blended family that we will never take for granted.

I pray that each of you, whatever has happened, maintains the strength and courage to keep going…keep fighting for the life you deserve. There is always hope for a better future.

And if you are looking for people who will make the journey easier, you have come to the right place here.

Thank you, my Surviving Infidelity family!

Good to hear your positive message.

I hope you learned from your previous poor choices and have ensured you and your husband maintain strong communication, openness and honesty.

I wish you both well.

Yes sir…almost seventeen years infidelity free. Yes, honesty and openness always. Thank you for the encouragement.

It sounds like you did the work, and you not only recovered but learn to thrive. It sounds like you did a lot of hard work, good for you, and I hope you're proud of how far you've come.

Thank you for dropping by. I'm always interested to see where people are many years later, and I'm glad things have worked out for you.

Thank you for a positive update.

So many newbies here need hope.

Thank you all so much!

Standing ovation! That’s how to do the work, heal, and move on with a better, healthier, happier life. Thanks for coming back and sharing!

@Fasade I’m pretty offended on your behalf that he put you through various humiliations while hiding his own affairs. Even as a BS, I suspect that his preference for men left you for looking for love elsewhere and yet he had only cruelty to offer. WOW. After my wife’s infidelity I was quite angry, but humiliating her more than she had already humiliated the both of us never occurred to me.

Really glad that you can disprove the "once a cheater, always a cheater" idea. Glad that all worked out. That is encouraging for everybody.

Bearlybreathing, thank you so much.

Brittn, that means so much to me…that is exactly what my therapist said. I don’t put that particular aspect out there much because I don’t want to seem as if I’m making excuses for what I did. I take full responsibility for my own infidelity and deceit. But it has helped me to remember that there was a hole in my life, and once I was better able to understand what the void was, it was easier to learn healthy, positive ways to fill it rather than to turn to the terrible decisions I was making. I truly appreciate how you’ve heard me.