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Her candor about her still longing for ap at times is both encouraging and alarming. I doubt the vast majority of FWW would admit that, whether they have done "the work" or not. Personally, I am not sure it even should be discussed with the BS. But I suppose getting it out in the light of day so she can grapple with it more effectively is a good strategy. It does show an amazing amount of candor and honesty so that is at least a good sign. What did you learn that was new about the affair beyond her still thinking about ap?

I did not go back and re-read your original thread but I remember you went to a retreat center when you found out and that helped you so I think the current break will help you too. It may need to be longer than what you planned but then there is the other factor that she will be alone during that time and more subject to her own thoughts.

Do you feel like she had a real set of consequences after her affair? Does her family know about it? She appears to be remorseful but I am asking because maybe if no proverbial cold water was dumped on her life then she doesn't associate her AP with as much negative as she needs. Obviously she has seen your pain and that should be enough but apparently it isn't. One thing in this regard is your apparent promise to her that I won't leave you unless you want me to. That feels like a lack of consequence to me. Imo, you very well may need to divorce her and she should realize that is on the table.

Have you two made any real progress? All I read is the intense anguish that never goes away. This is not a life, it’s a prison sentence. My question to her would be, "You still yearn for him so why are you still here?" I would be seeing an attorney but that’s just me. I know from how my body works that this much stress would have me in the hospital. Stress is cumulative and it literally erodes your body’s defenses. Soldiers are not allowed to stay in battle for too long because it is so detrimental to their health and yet every day you get up and your body goes to war. I read a book that said during the US Civil War soldiers’ breakdown was called A Soldiers’s Heart. At some point it became Battle Fatigue and now PTSD. Guess what you probably have.

Please, please take care of yourself. You deserve better than this.

I refused to discuss feelings about ow with my W. That was for her IC sessions, with one caveat: her IC was our MC, and W signed a release that allowed the C to bring anything from IC into MC. That meant I could and did ask if our MC thought W was committed to R, no matter what she felt about ow.

I've been reading about limerence recently. 'Twin-flamed' looks like limerence to me, and it's really hard for some people to get out of limerence. Is your WS a good candidate for R? Have you both considered ways of getting limerent about you? I'm not sure that can be done, but if she considers you to be a twin-flame, that would probably help R.

How are you twinflamed?

Hi TF,

I recall that you were going to take a

solo vacation to get away from everything and try to gain some perspective.

How did it go for you?
Did you ever commence EMDR treatment?

And while you were away, did she process her emotions for the AP?
I recall a couple of your statements that really concern me regarding her view of the AP

She told me that recently she’s been missing her affair partner for reasons she can’t fully explain and has been feeling an enormous temptation to contact him.
This confession has left me speechless, disturbed, and restless.

She admitted that she still struggles with feelings for him and that certain triggers, especially when she’s feeling low, bring him to mind.

I didn't comment earlier, but as I've reflected on this perspective, I would question if she has truly experienced remorse.
For if her concern was about the hurt and damage she had caused you, then surely this would change her feelings for the AP and for her affair.

We're here to support you mate,
regards,
FAWH

Hey everyone,
First off, I want to thank all of you who reached out and checked in on me. Your kindness and concern have meant so much, and it’s heartwarming to know that people out there genuinely care.

As for the update, I recently took a 15-day vacation, and it was incredible—exactly what I needed. For a while, I almost forgot about the life I left behind. It showed me that if I decide to end my marriage and move on, I can still live, chill, and even thrive. That realization was so reassuring and gave me a confidence boost I didn’t know I needed. I’m truly glad I made the decision to take this trip.

After coming back, a lot has happened. The reason I stayed away from this site for a while is that I was doing well, and I didn’t want to risk coming back too soon and revisiting those painful memories. I felt it might unbalance the mental peace I’d started to find. Now, I feel like I’m in a much better place, and it’s time to share an update.

Right now, I’m at my cousin brother’s place—it’s his wedding tomorrow, so it’s a big, happy family affair. Once that’s over, I’ll sit down and share the full details of everything that’s happened during and after the trip.

Apologies for not getting back to your DMs sooner. I’ll make sure to respond as soon as I have some free time!

Thank you all again for your support. I’ll be back with more soon.