SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I want to email her and in a very nice way tell her what a piece of shit she is (i used to teach english and have written for a living before so if i think hard enough i can come up with something good)

I would email it to her, and the boss (workplace affair). Possibly her husband.

Shes having an affair with a bailiff at work.

I would block all emails from responding after i hit send

I would include pics of text messages she sent my husband

Yeah or Nay

What will it accomplish? I totally understand the desire. I really really do.

Write the letter. Then burn it, line the litter box with it, shred it.

She will see it as her power over you. She will like it.

She is not worth the headspace she is taking, rent free. And what if she retaliates?

If you can prove she is having an affair and can let her husband know, I’d do that anonymously maybe. But walk away from her - she’s used gum on the bottom of your shoe that then stepped through dog poo. Scrape her off and give her no more time.

I am sorry you are hurting. Infidelity really sucks.

(((Hugs)))

Nay.

You’re letting her have too much free rent in your head. Let’s say you do send the letter — it’s not like she’s going to suddenly realize she’s a POS. Instead, it’ just makes you look obsessed with her and a little crazy. To be fair, I 100% know what you feel like. It’s like these people get away with being awful and it’s unfair.

[This message edited by Pandora16 at 4:09 PM, July 25th (Sunday)]

Nay. Send whatever evidence you have to her husband and do what you can to let it go.

Power & control are parts of an A IMO, and giving this woman ANY more power than she's already got residing in her fantasy land doesn't do a damn thing to help you. If she cared one bit about you thinking she's a POS, she wouldn't have engaged with your WS to begin with.

Big nay.

I understand how angry you are at her. BUT I'm really surprised that you are not considering the ramifications to your WH's job by doing this. You're worried about him getting escorted out of your home but you willingly invite drama into his work place? What sense does that make?

It's not fair. In a fair world, people would be understanding when something happens between coworkers that involves their spouses and would handle these situations more justly on a case-by-case basis. But in reality, a company/HR would rather penalize the root of the drama than deal with the moral issues that the drama raises.

If you're willing to stir the pot like this, at least let go of your fear about what a police escort would bring when you finally kick him out. Clearly it doesn't matter to you as much as you thought it did.

Have someone contact her BS secretly. And the bailiffs bs.

And then pop the popcorn.

That might be a bigger dose of reality to knock her off her pedestal than anything.

Write a letter by hand. Write everything you would like to tell her face to face.
What you think of her, what she is and always will be. Don't care about the language you use.

Then put it in an envelope and never send it.

It depends what outcome you want from it and whether or not you think you can get that outcome.

And I'd say probably not. I get it. It feels like getting some power back. But it's not. She will not grow some morals from it. It just gives her more power than she deserves. The best revenge is a life well lived. Do that when you can.

BUT I'm really surprised that you are not considering the ramifications to your WH's job by doing this. You're worried about him getting escorted out of your home but you willingly invite drama into his work place? What sense does that make?

My husband no longer works with ow at the same place because of this. She gave a sob story to the boss about how he was being mean to her for traveling to a covid hot spot last year .

The #2 boss yelled at him and said he was a shitty friend and it was none of his business where she travels to

Wh was manic at the time and resigned.

He now has his own business (sole employee) and lol- sees ow 2 MORE than when they worked in the same office

Ow 2 is now having an affair with a bailiff (ow 2 and wh are attorneys).

The bailiff has made snide marks about my wh’s mental health issues to him during court. So ow 2 has told him things wh told her in confidence.

I dont want to guve her a morality talk.. I want to out her affair with the bailiff.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 8:57 PM, July 25th (Sunday)]

How do you know she is having an affair w/ a bailiff? Have you personally witnessed anything? What evidence do you have?

She had your husband fired for harassing her, so he had to open a sole proprietorship. You've expressed that you are worried about his mental health, his business, his ability to pay the bills and pay child support (if you should ever divorce). Therefore, I don't think contacting her further is a good idea.

Not everyone considers an EA to be an affair. In certain professions, EAs are the norm. This makes it even more likely that you will be portrayed as "psycho."

If you're not able to let this go, consider seeing a therapist. And if you "can't" see a therapist because of other commitments, maybe re-think your priorities.

Are you in IC? You need professional help to extricate yourself from trying to fix your H's problems and with divorcing him. He is controlling and abusive, and yet you want to take care of him. IC can help redirect your feelings and energy into a healthier direction. I worry about your kids.

Gently Gotta, while the OW is a POS, she still isn't your problem. Not your circus, not your monkey.

Now your H on the other hand.... Well we all know what a total POS he is too. He's your real problem.

Now go ahead and write that letter, and instead of sending it to her post it here, or burn it. I can't tell you how many letters I wrote OW when I was in the early stages of healing. I never had the opportunity to meet her, speak to her, and only saw one photo of her. She too is an attorney. But I wrote a shit ton of letters, and burned them. Each time it allowed me to let go a bit more.

She wasn't my problem. My H and his broken self was the real issue.

Allllllll the nays.. Nooooooo.

Gotta - how does OW2 cheating with a different dude affect YOU at this point?

I get feeling angry with her - I promise I do.

But you still seem to be obsessing over her and what she's doing and who she's doing and how she feels and what she says and and and...

She's a train wreck and an awful horrid person and karma will take care of her just fine with no help from you.

As unjust as it feels and as hard as it is, you need to put her in your rearview and move on with YOUR life.

Agreed. I need to focus on me rather than screwing her over.

I often think, “What can I accomplish in life if i dont have this shit holding me back”

IC made for august

GGT, I still don't understand - how does a police escort in order for you to enforce the separation agreement hurt him but causing a kerfluffle with the OW does not? I understand that he may not be reporting directly to a HR department with her but that doesn't change people's general perception of the incident. Especially when they know how your WH was fired. If you say anything to her, she gets to keep playing the victim. You get a whole slew of people at your WH's work environment talking crap about you and him because of it. So I don't understand how you can feel paralyzed by fear when it's a situation that mostly involves people talking about your WH but when it's a situation where people will focus on YOU, you don't seem too concerned.

Out them to the BSes. Don't talk to OW directly.

[This message edited by nekonamida at 12:25 PM, July 26th (Monday)]

I dont want the police escort bc of my kids and what the neighbors will say— my son has a ton of neighborhood friends and id hate for them to make fun of him or what not.

You are correct about ow 2 being able to play victim if i email her. I never cared about ow1. I guess i knew she had extremely serious mental health issues and i just wanted nothing to do with her (seriously- she was like glenn close in fatal attraction)

I wanted to get as far removed from that shit as possible

This time im pissed because we were sort of friends and its an EA so she cab say ohhhh… it was nothing. But you dont do that. I just need to focus on me and getting my phd (I am not in a program… its a goal) and traveling and doing a volunteer program oversees…. I ned to focus on this nad not the true life drama “As the courthouse turns…”

(Seriously. 3/4 if the attornys I know are scum bags who fuck around.). The stories I could tell….

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 3:21 PM, July 26th (Monday)]

I found an email from OW in my H work account the night I discovered their A. It was email to a group of coworkers about an after work hours happy hour to celebrate some shit. I’m not sure why, but I hit reply all and simply wrote “ cease contact while I work on my M” . SEND

Shit hit the fan the next morning as people read the email. My H got pulled in and had to sign a retraction that someone had written saying to disregard as was from a “STBXW “ and I’d never heard that phrase before. But OW had; apparently not her first rodeo.

No fallout except the humiliation I intended for both of them. I was drinking when I did it, but do believe it was effective in blowing their cover. She was a single COW or I’d have contacted the Betrayed partner as well.

But in general, it’s generally better not to publicly flame someone. I don’t regret what I did, but looking back I can see that there were consequences I wasn’t considering in my state of mind. Consider what you want to accomplish, and whether the fallout to you would be worth it.

[This message edited by psychmom at 5:01 PM, July 26th (Monday)]

This woman pretended to be your friend while she was fucking your husband. Do you honestly think she will give a wet fart about any vitriol that you send her in an email?

Blue- she wasnt fucking my husband, it was an EA. She wasnt even fucking her OWN husband, as she has MS and was having issues related to having sex.

They were “BFF” and texted a ton, including middle of the night, and 2 days before my son was born in 2019, wh texted her he loved her.

He said it was a joke to get her mind off her recent MS diagnosis.

They exchanged i love you… but like a brother/sister all the time

The above post that said EAs are the norm in some professions has me intrigued- i wonder if I am making too much out of this?? My WH is still not admitting he did anything wrong, unlike when he had a physical affair. He doesnt believe it is wrong.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 5:07 AM, July 27th (Tuesday)]