SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone. I hope you all had a good Christmas and New Years.

Ours went good. Our secret Santa did amazing and then my brother spoiled the kids. Still there were hard moments for them being the first year without dad. The biggest hurt came from not receiving anything from their dad.

We know he dropped off gifts for their birthdays and stuff for the start of school.

When they got nothing dropped off for Christmas it solidified their feelings that he doesn't care about them. He couldn't even drop off cards. Nothing.

Luckily their focus wasn't on his lack of being a father for very long. We got games and had a blast playing them. So far Trouble is the favorite. We cooked, watched movies, set up new beds and redid the kids rooms. The girls have their own rooms now. Soon the boys will as well.

While the court order was signed and dated in November I haven't received any child support yet. I discovered the order had yet to be sent to the office that deals with support so I contacted my lawyer who said theyd get on the court to do that. Waiting to be registered now.

Ds and I attended a welcome to high-school event. There wasn't one when dd was in grade eight so this was new for us. The kids had a presentation in one gym while parents were in another gym (they have 3 gyms!!!).

We got to tour the school.

OMG I am so jealous. My high school had a total of 107 students and was so tiny we didn't have a gym. There were more portables outside than classes IN the actual school!

This high school has two engine shops, two wood working shops, a full green house, three floors, 3 gyms, multiple sports teams, weight lifting gym and massive kitchen.

DS is so excited. He can't wait to select his classes. He goes back at the end of the month for a tech presentation.

Dd has never told me about all the things at her school.

I got to talk to many of the teachers. It was great while still being sad. Here I am walking around alone while there's moms and dads together. DS went with a group of his friends.

Overall things are good.

Glad things are going well and that secret Santa did amazing!

Glad you have a great HS. I went to a really small one too.

Hope things continue to improve!

Thanks

There's so much I want to post about but can't. Some good. Some bad. Overall thibgs are ok. We've had moments that were really difficult.

The good thing is even through hard things all the kids have really rallied and helped out and been wonderful!

I dont know if I woukd have done better at a larger high-school. I had the option between the one in our tiny town or be bussed 10 minutes to the larger one.

In town I could walk to school (it was at the end of my street). Come hone at lunch etc.

I had to complete the grade 13 or OAC credits to graduate. My poor kids need to complete a test, an online E course and 40 hours of community service to graduate.

Dd is doing her end of semester work required not to do exams. Then she's off for a week... that will be fun lol

The other 3 kids are home today after I had to pick up one yesterday due to illness and the other two looked dreadful this morning.

Big D has been reading all day. He's finished all the books he got for Christmas. I'm tempted to break out my collection of novels from when I was a kid. I'm sure he wouldn't have any issues reading them although he might not like the subjects (mainly horse books and lord of the rings).

Happy to hear from you Dragn. THanks for checking in.

Glad to hear the little dragons are doing well and you had a nice holiday.

I'm sure you still have many struggles ahead of you but you've pushed through so much and continue to show great strength!!

Thanks for updating.

So glad to hear you're doing well Dragn!

What progress, your whole post radiates peace and calm. :) I know you cannot write some of the things that are still very painful, but nevertheless, I feel it's a completely different home you have now. Didn't realize you have late teen ready to graduate! Great job Dragn.

I was worried about your winter weather this month but you handled that just fine you posted. What a good update.

your whole post radiates peace and calm

Oh there's so much peace from stbxwh absence. You have no idea how nice it is not to be called an F'ing C**t, told to shut up, be gaslit or humiliated every day. Its also nice not to have to be on alert to duck 24/7.

There's still plenty of chaos however. The girls having their own rooms really helped reduce their arguments. Now it's the boys that are just at eachothers throats.

Emotions still run high. The older two still have IC so that's good. Ds is
learning to manage his feelings without lashing out. The twins however are still on the wait list and big d has plenty of big emotions. He's not one to hide how he feels. I spend a lot of time just cuddling him. Little M on the other hand is bottling up all her feelings. I've told her it's ok to feel however she feels. She's now loves to clean. Does dishes. Changes out the garbage bags in the cans, folds and puts away all of her laundry. She sings non stop, loves playing games and drawing. She appears to be happy but I know there's times she sad and it's hard to get her to open up.

Dd is 15 so after this year, she has 2 more years left. She's worried tomorrow will be a snow day and it's the last official day of thr semester and she has a few things to hand in. She's a I'll ignore it until the last possible minute child ugh. Luckily if buses are cancelled she can hand stuff in online.

Speaking of weather, we have gotten hammered pretty good here. I haven't been able to afford to get the tractor tire fixed and was confident the snow blower was adequate. Ya damn thing quit at the end of the driveway! So after dragging it back to the house I sent out a message to the community page for help and within minutes I had people replying they would be by to clear the driveway. They are now a text message away any time I need them.

I believe the issue with the snow blower is a wire I found hanging down BUT while at the high school in the small engine shop I saw one similar to mine and was able to follow the wire up, take a photo and now I know how to fix it, hopefully.

One of the horses went missing. Found her inside the old pig house where I decided to store hay... I didn't board up the door becauze I didn't think a HORSE could fit through it. Oops. She also looked like she was stuck but she wasn't. After removing a front wall the damn naughty horse walked right out the door! it's all boarded up now except the far side that has a locking door.

Little m, ds and myself made home made pizza tonight (dd and Big d don't eat pizza so they made their own dinners). I gotta say home made is so much better than store bought and the 2 kids loved it. Little m wants to do that more often.

Cooking with the kids is fun. We've been doing a lot of baking lately. Our first attempt at home made granola bars went well. The second batch crumbles to much.

The house is more peaceful and more fun.

🙂🙂

And great you have snowplowing neighbors, too!!

(I smiled at your snapping a picture of the wire on a machine so you could fix yours, so like YOU, Rock Star Momma!!)

It's not that I didn't do alot of fixing stuff before, I did simply because stbxwh was to much of a child to do anything without throwing a tantrum. It's just now I am the only one who can get it done.

I can't afford to have repairs guys come out.

And getting the blower working is 1000 times better than shoveling a 400 + foot driveway. Not that I haven't done that before either,cause I have lol.

It's nice to know I have people who will help but having to rely on someone else gives me anxiety.

I haven't replaced all the shower pipes yet. Just the main shower head and the small pipe it attaches to. I have the entire fixture kit for the tub but I'm still debating if I should use Shark Bite attachments or try my hand at soldering again.

Making decisions like that feels weird even though stbxwh wouldn't have cared or wanted to help. It's like who do I ask for permission to do stuff. Oh wait, I don't have to ask anyone lol. I do make sure to talk to the kids about things like menus etc. I include them in as much as I can. They really like that.

See I love that Can Do approach to life out in the country that you have always had. Pioneer women had it too. It was basically only after World War II we women were sold on this "ladylike" image that we cannot do mechanical stuff. But that idea was driven by the need our countries had to put the soldiers back to civilian life and jobs, so ya know, all those go-getter women (like my grandmother in Kenosha WI who worked in an American Motors factory sewing tops for Army Jeeps) were supposed to go home again and be homemakers. Media and movies that the new goal for society.

When you get that weird feeling about what to do, maybe it will help you to remember this.

And soldering is superior, so long as you use the right flux, and don't use too much heat in your torch, move it around a bit and use silver solder. Alligator fittings are okay too, but I think any plastic has the potential to fail in extreme temperatures. It's another solution and can work fine, too.

Keep posting!

Hey Dragn - nice update. Good to see everyone getting on with life.

For your fix-its, there is a GREAT FB group called Handy Women. They are a great place to crowd source ideas, how to fix things, and their experience with things like snakebite vs old school soldering. Worth joining this private group to get access to their shared experience (and they are super supportive).

I sent my request to join the group.

If soldering is best what about switching all of the pipes to PEX?

To say we have hard water is an understatement. The Sulphur has eaten through the copper pipes! My dad replaced so many sections of pipe. I've been playing with the idea of just changing to pex since I've read it holds up better.

Due to freezing rain buses were cancelled. Dd had handed in all of her things online so she done.

Little m put her hair in braids last night to get some wave for school today. Poor kid. She looks awesome though. I'm sure she will wash it and braid again tonight. My girls have straight hair and little m wants curls. I have sometimes curly crazy hair, other times half curly half straight and I'd love to have it make up its mind. Either all curly or all straight. Not half and half.

DH, glad to hear you are doing ok. My H has been doing handy man plumbing all his life and just started working with PEX about two years ago. He is never plumbing any other way again. It is easy and flexible and so forgiving. No time spent looking for leaks, just connect and go. We did an entire warehouse and bathroom with it. Good luck with all your projects, kids, critters and your D.

On the opposite end of the PEX pipe question, the system is only as good as the crimping connections and the skill of the person connecting.

Now I'm going back a few decades to when those kinds of systems were newly approved, so I may be out of date with this concern, but I was never so embarrassed as when I was the plumbing inspector for a row of townhouses being built in the late 1980's that were using that new piping system. I had approved the plumbing in each house down the row and had signed off on them. It so happened that our new Town Manager (my boss's boss!) had bought one and a few weeks after he moved in, his dining room ceiling got wet with the water dripping down onto his dining table. I got the emergency call from my boss to go see what happened. A supply line above had blown off its connector, inside the closed up wall! Luckily, I didn't lose my job over that...it was determined that somebody was sloppy with their crimp and didn't apply quite enough hand strength to the crimper.

Came on just to see if you had posted an update. So glad I did. This made my day.

You sound so much better and happier. Life has turned a corner for you and I'm so happy for that.

It's so good to hear you settling into your new (and WAY better) life Dragn!

I'm also for plumbing in PEX. Our whole house was plumbed with it and H is using it in the basement to add water hookups for the bathroom and bar in there. It's SO easy. Lots of youtube videos out there on how to do it too.

Glad to hear the kids are settling in to the new situation and you guys are making your own way. I can only imagine how weird it is looking for someone's direction only to realize you can go your own way. To me, it sounds like a bit of a relief- to be able to make your own decisions.

I have found that conditioning "softening" the water has made a big difference. The plumbers who have made repairs/redos have used pex. Some did leak but my guess is it was the skill of the person doing the work.

Congratulations Dragn!!! It seems like you are well on your way to rebuilding a normal life after all of the chaos that you have experienced.

As far as PEX vs. copper, I agree with what everyone else has said. I originally learned how to solder copper and so I have stuck with that. But, PEX has the advantage of being easier to maneuver around, it has longer runs, etc. As someone else said, it also depends on the ability of the person making the connections, which isn't something that I have learned.

I most likely won't tackle the plumbing until the spring thaw.

I've got to figure out how to go from thr copper (or whatever thr type of metal the pipe thibg that attaches the pipe from thr well to thr pressure tank and has the pressure switch, pressure valve and drain to pex.

If I could figure out how to post photos I'd show ya"all what I mean. I can't get Facebook to give me thr url to thr photos I post privately anymore.

Hey MyName. Miss ya! Hope you're doing well.

While I believe we are all better off, it's still so damn hard some days. We all got the house in tip top shape only to all get sick and it's gotten cluttered again. Ugh. I am better though. Even if I just pick one thing I make sure to do something. Some days that's really really difficult.

Despite being on meds my anxiety and panic attacks haven't gone away. Maybe they neve will. I still get up and check thr door locks multiple times. I still feel fearful when I go out. When thr kids are at school I still lock all the doors, even thr bathroom door when I go. I'm tired but don't sleep well. Doc prescribed me sleeping pills and thst doesn't even keep me sleeping.

At least being awake I can get to the kids quick when they have nightmares. It's not as often but man when they do its awful. Ds didn't want to go to bed because he didn't want anymore nightmares.