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You are such an entitled and uncaring person. We’re you always this way? Or did you suddenly regress back to your stupid teenage self that you and your family always talk about?

You expect everything to be your way, and if something isn’t, you blame others, you blame me. I’m not sorry that I had you served one week befor your exit exam for college, I did it for me, not for you, I didn’t even consider the timing of it. I did what was right for me.

For too long have I thought of WE over ME. Now it’s my turn. I never asked for this, or wanted it, but you forced my hand.

Now I hear you are sad, isolated, alone. The opposite of everything we had and that you wanted.

You are the biggest disappointment that I can imagine. You hurt me more than you could ever understand.

I wonder how a person could do this. You did this 7 years ago; you know the trauma it causes. The pain, the confusion, the self-doubt, all of it. You KNEW- and chose to do it again.

And now, you behave, with me, as if the affair isn't actually happening. When you leave the house to stay with her, you refer to it as "over there." You've never said her name to me, or even referred to her by a pronoun of any kind. You go "over there" or "out of the house," as if, if we don't refer to her out loud, its somehow less painful to me. I think this is you thinking you're somehow lessening my pain. I think you really believe this is you being kind to me. That, if I focus only on what was wrong with our marriage, OUR relationship, I won't think about the one you dove headfirst into *2 months* before deciding we were unsalvageable.

What an idiot you are.

From this point forward, I will remember your dumb, selfish decisions. I will focus on the *type* of person you have chosen to be; the thinking (or lack of it) that goes into making that decision in the first place. How ridiculous you are to think "this is a kindness." How socially stunted you are to think that I could somehow, someday, be friends with someone who has chosen THIS to be his life.

I'm choosing to no longer feel victimized by you. I'm choosing to pity you. *I* would NEVER have done this to you. Our marriage may have been a mess, *I* may have been a mess, *I* may have needed a swift kick in the backside to pull myself out of my rut, but it DIDN'T have to be this. MY rut is over. Yours is just beginning.

I pity you. You are pathetic to think that this situation will somehow make you happy. To think that you'll be able, once you come out of this fog of unicorns and rainbows, to look yourself in the mirror and see someone you can respect. You know you've done the wrong thing, that all you're doing now is trying to justify it in your head, that all you're looking for is to be happy, that it wasn't possible with me, that it is possible with "over there." You're a joke. An embarrassment. Go ahead and fuck her, play board games with her. Get all the tattoos you want (was I ever stopping you from that? No, I encouraged it, dumbass). Go bowling (also never stopped that). Do all those things you think you couldn't do with me (all *I* wanted to do was budget for them, 'cause who needs to make sure we have money to buy the kids clothes or food???). You will *still* not be satisfied.

Because, at the end of the day, when you lay next to "over there" and strap on your CPAP, you still have to think about the choices you made, and try and live with them.

You still have to live with knowing the damage you caused the first time, and that you chose to do it again, to the mother of your children. Not a stranger. The woman you promised your heart and life to.

Go ahead and keep making shitty spending decisions- only, there won't be someone around to keep an eye on the budget anymore. Go ahead and go back to the days when you had NO idea where your money went, or even IF the bills got paid. It worked out SO well for you back then (remember the repo'd VW? The motorcycles you bought and then had to sell within a year? The foreclosed house? The money borrowed multiple times from your parents? The shrieking anxiety from all those idiotic purchases we couldn't afford?). I'm sure you'll be fine.

Stay in that land of rainbows and unicorns, while I'm CHOOSING to be the grown up- make sure the kids are fed, clothed, teeth brushed, curls combed, homework done, laundry and dishes done, garbage out, floor vacuumed, bills paid...Just show up to make them dinner and read them a book a couple times a week, mow the lawn a couple times a month. I'm sure you're doing YOUR part just making the money to pay the bills. Your role and responsibility is TOTALLY filled.

There will come a time when I look at you and feel nothing but indifference. I'm not there yet. There are still times where I miss you, but its getting more and more because I miss someone I have things in common with, and less YOU individually. There are times where I'm scared about the future, but only because I'm going to be financially dependent on you until I graduate and I worry about the kids and rent and the car payments being made, NOT because I won't be with you anymore. There are times where I'm sad because I won't be married anymore, but its because I don't particularly want to be without love and affection and companionship as I get older, NOT because I'm going to miss your version of those things.

I don't particularly want to be alone, but I'm very close to the point that I damn sure don't want to be with YOU.

I'm close to indifference, but in the meantime.....FUCK YOU.

(PS: This was VERY cathartic and necessary this morning, I may do this again)

I never ever thought I would be here. You are such a jackass. You cheated twice. So much lying, gaslighting and then you have the balls of blaming me / asking me to own up to my part in the problem. Wtf. It’s like an adult got swapped with a tantruming toddler. Or an underdeveloped adult who is such a coward that he can’t own up his shit. COWARD. That’s what you are. You have no balls to accept your mistake.

After all the bullshit, you tell me you are ready to work on the marriage for the sake of the kids provided i refrain from my bullshit

Do you ever think back to the things you say and laugh at your shiftiness / childishness?

What did you say to me “I haven’t been happy for 1 full day in the last 3 years”. These are the years after you repeatedly stuck your penis in another woman 😂. You haven’t been happy?!?! You are right. You haven’t been because you can’t see yourself in the mirror and see the fuckery that you are. You aren’t happy with yourself, how can I make you happy

You are worth nothing. You destroyed my kids family, you destroyed everything and still have the balls to open your mouth and blame me for it

There’s a ring around the moon tonight and it’s really beautiful. I know you would like it. I’m so sad that we can’t enjoy it together. We shared so many little things like that.

You broke my heart. I’m sitting here crying over a moon ring. I hope your shitty CL bf was worth your marriage.

Don’t call me unless it’s from a treatment facility. I would happily visit you in there, but you are not. You are an addict, and you cheated. I’ve put up with 6 months of this BS, and now suddenly, after lying to me about another child, who you have no contact with, an addiction, dumping me with the one child you do have contact with- (so you and your lazy ex wife can have MY kids socialise your son) you want to tell the truth? Sorry, you’ve said that too many times. Too many lies and promises you were off the gear.

You were sick all weekend? But couldn’t pick up your phone? Couldn’t send a text? Nope, you were on a bender.

Your ashamed?? Well how the fuck do u think I have felt the last six months?

You might be able to con your mother, but she’s just as bad as you are.

Don’t contact me, because we all know doing treatment, and livvita life free from excuses is impossible for you.

Letter to my ungrateful WH As hard as it may be I finally gained the strength to pack up and leave... My biggest issue is dealing with the pain that comes with healing. I should have left some time ago but I stayed, hoping that you would change... "Why?" I had hope I guess hope that we would have the forever promised.

I moved out on Easter Sunday just plain sick of the lies and being treated like I betrayed our M. His actions did not match his words and I was just at my wits end. Since I left I seen him once and spoke with him twice, it's so hard for me to cut all ties and go No Contact because I'm so weak. It's been so hard for me to at work and school just the thought of my broken M I break down in tears. I'm gonna try to start NC NOW... Wish me luck

Um...actually it DOES make you a shitty husband! All the thoughtful gifts (actually really impressive considering you're a psycho), housework, coffee made, etc doesn't erase the fact you fucked someone else for half our marriage. Oh, and don't forget that part where you denied me sex for nearly the entire marriage. Because you just weren't into sex anymore. But you weren't a shitty husband?!?? Keep telling yourself that you fucking psycho.

I will say it again. Don’t contact me unless you are in treatment.

Do not ask about my kids, you gave up your right to know anything about them a long time ago.

They are my kids, you might think you were a great step dad, but you weren’t. I used charity vouchers to feed them whilst you used meth with your ‘friends’, lent them the money I was working two jobs for, so you could be the hero.

Don’t contact me.

You moron. You ruined everything. You shit on everything God gave you. You hate me; but it's really YOU you hate. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for whatever happened to you that destroyed your brain. You were innocent. You didn't deserve it. You were likely very very young. Like DS. I look at you and see a stunted little boy. Struggling to find a life preserver.

And now your body is falling apart. I wait for that phone call. The one I know will come one day. And I will cry. Because I loved you. I would have loved you forever. I would have taken care of you. I would have killed myself to make you more comfortable. But you threw me away. You gave me no choice. I'm so sorry. It's not your fault. But you could have fixed it. You could have gotten help. You could have tried. Instead, you quit. And blamed me. For everything. You gave me no choice. No choice. None.

Bye, Felicia.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 4:47 PM, April 26th (Friday)]

I had been doing so well. I had a sad moment on my way home. You saw a hole and poked and poked and poked. Anything to get a reaction. Anything to feel like you matter.

You don't matter any longer. My pain is due to my grief for the past, present and future.

I'll do better tomorrow. Before I know it, there won't be a tomorrow where I have to see you.

Freedom is on the way.

I had been doing so well. I had a sad moment on my way home. You saw a hole and poked and poked and poked. Anything to get a reaction. Anything to feel like you matter.

You don't matter any longer. My pain is due to my grief for the past, present and future.

I'll do better tomorrow. Before I know it, there won't be a tomorrow where I have to see you.

Freedom is on the way.

P.S. Don't ever tell me to leave my house again.

[This message edited by Bleu at 7:42 PM, April 29th (Monday)]

The worst thing is that I believed you when you said that you loved me, that I was your best friend, that I was your soulmate, that I was your forever, that you could not imagine spending your life with anyone else but me...that you would never hurt me. I believed your vows on our wedding day, and like a fool, I believed you when you said that he is just a friend, that nothing happened between the two of you, that there is nothing to worry about.

But...in a matter of minutes, my life changed, and the arrow through my heart opened my eyes that were so blinded by love... I realized that it was all a lie, your mask came off and I saw the real you, a stranger that I did not recognize. The truth is that you didn’t care, the truth is that you used me, manipulating me, and abused me all those years.

I loved you, I trusted you, I gave you all of me and you destroyed me...

Fuck you and fuck him for doing this to me. But I will get over you and I will be stronger. One day you will realize that you lost a good man, but by then it will be too late. I deserve better.

You cheated and destroyed so many lives and then tried to hide and avoid the aftermath. So I got the angry phone calls and messages. I lost friends and family because of it. I paid for the shit you did. The worst part of all of this is I am the one that wakes up in the morning sad that I actually woke up and I have to go through another day.

I'm tired. Sad. Lonely. I have all the responsibilities for DS and it's hard. I can't count on you. Damn you couldn't even remember to give him his meds every day while I was in the hospital.

There are days where I wish I could tell you how I feel but you don't care. And I think the worse the people around you feel, the better you feel about yourself.

Something has to change. FML. and FU.

Bump

Please thank your girlfriend/personal assistant/flying monkey for writing your emails. Your lies are much easier to read with proper punctuation and capital letters.

By the way, you are an idiot.

I think about you all the time and what you did to me. I wish I didn't let you consume my thoughts like this. You aren't worth anymore of my time. You took everything from me. You are a evil psychopath. I hope you and your ugly slut pay for what you've done.

Do you think about me? How could you do this? How could you hurt me INTENTIONALLY when I did everything for you, gave you everything?

I will never forgive you. I don't need to. I only needed to forgive myself for wasting my precious time with someone as ruthless, heartless and cruel as you. I hope you rot in hell.

Every once in awhile I get the urge to text you or to hear your voice. Am I crazy to give you a thought after all your lies, abuse and the way you switched loyalty to your whore?

People say you must regret what you left or I should thank your whore for getting you out of my life. I have a great life now. A partner that treats me more special as the years go on. He is the opposite of you.

It's father's day. you are a terrible selfish father. I feel for your kids but thankful we do not have kids together.

I remember the last time I said I love you and you smugly said I know you do. F___ You!

I wouldn't have thought this would ever be possible, but I think I actually, honestly, completely...

hate you.

Happy Father's Day asshole.

Just in case you are wondering why you wont hear it from your three adult children today, I thought I'd let you know why.

Your kids were just collateral damage in your selfish, obsessive desire to fuck another mans' wife.

It's all pretty clear to them, you left everything for nothing. She's still married to her husband and you have no idea what to say to your kids.

After all, YOU are still the victim in all this, aren't you? It's everyone else's fault that you don't have a relationship with your kids.

I saw a funny story on reddit this morning. It was about a guy who gave advice to his 17 yr old nephew to use food to pick up girls. His nephew used a bucket of chicken fingers at the mall and got in trouble.

Remember that time in Chagaraumas when you were riding your bike with an empty KFC bucket that you picked up to throw in the trash. A car full of girls stopped and asked you to come party with them. You told them that you were married, and they said that was ok. We joked about that so much. You were so proud of the attention. Remember shark and bake. And doubles. And when Nate the Mate and the Dodgy Chef got so drunk we thought they'd fall in getting off the boat.

That was our life. I have no one to share that with now, and now it doesn't seem like it was even real. So I'm crying in my office with the door closed.

Oh yeah, and I told you I was vomiting the other day because I was upset, but I guess I'm sick. I was sitting on the couch this morning, and I farted and had diarrhea. I need to wash the couch slipcover. That was a first for me. NO ONE in my life but you would find that story even remotely funny. You would tell me that Jack Nicholson line about "never trust a fart".

I had so much fun with you. I miss you. And you're an asshole and a child and mean to me. And I miss you.