SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

LadyG - That sounds like an incredibly hard place to be with your own child.

Throwaway999 - Well, the bunny is out of batteries now. Triggers suck.

Chaos - I get tired I don't think I'm sleeping long enough to dream. It's exhausting I miss my calm.

Adira - Welcome

Yesterday was an odd day, it's like the past was following me around. First the owner of the company I work for told a couple of people I don't know the story of her stealing me from the competition. I hadn't talked to her in a few years, I actually wish we'd had more time. Then I had an X come up in conversation, I did more listening than talking in that one. Then my husband asked me if I could call another X. I haven't seen either of them in about 15 years and wouldn't know how to contact them. There was also a recurring theme of alcohol problems all day, which lead to a slightly productive conversation with my husband. It was a very mentally exhausting day in many ways.

Goddesses?

We should meet up in Vegas and paint the town sparkly purple!

Imagine a convention of Betrayeds getting to get her?

Vegas has always seemed a little too peopley for this introvert. I’d go for a small gathering in some remote scenic location.

UnstuffedGiraffe, we don’t have Vegas here. The closest I can get is BrisVegas aka Brisbane (Brissy).

I would give anything right now to be in Brissy. The quietest and warmest of capital cities. It’s a place that I could get totally lost and start anew.

I don't care where we meet. But may I suggest going to an axe throwing place and we can put photos of the APs/LTAPs/DWs on the targets?

Axes work, Bowling is good too. You can roll a severed head at pins with faces, nice if you have multiple people causing your stress and anxiety.

I’d love a trip to Australia, just need to figure out how to fund it.

Oh the possibilities...

Hello...it's been a long time since I've posted anything. Still married and still trying to survive this bullshit. First DDay was 2009 and second was 2014. Not sure if we are reconciling or not. We don't fight because I just keep my mouth shut. In the past bringing up stuff would be an all day of arguing. If I would try to stop the argument it would enrage him.

Then it would tigger me on how I was treated after I confronted him about the affair and my mind literally goes blank. I try to say the right thing not to anger him. He sees this and it pisses him off even more. He acts like I'm being some kind of drama queen. So now I bite my tongue and don't say anything because I can not handle it anymore. As far as I know he's not doing anything, but I don't know that 100%. We don't really have sex unless I initiate. Went almost 3 years no sex. He stopped initiating sex almost 10 years ago because he said he could not handle the rejection. Never thought I rejected him that often but when I try to defend myself it makes him angry so I stop. He also said that I was not into it as much as I was in the beginning of the relationship. I feel like I was giving him as much as I could given the fact he cheated on me and at the time was not remorseful and blamed me. With hitting menopause it has not helped either. It hurts to have sex because the thinning of my vagina and in the last year I've been taking estrogen cream. Helps a little but it's still painful. I do not feel sexy or wanted. I just wanted to vent a little. Been feeling pretty down lately. I cry almost everyday. I can't talk to my friends anymore because they do not understand. All of them are happily married and have pretty good sex lives. To them I should just leave but financially I can not. So I don't talk to anyone. Most days I wish I wasn't alive but I would never commit suicide because of my kids. I won't do that to them.

So, apparently having good reason not to trust my husband or MIL isn’t a good enough reason to say no to my MIL taking the kids on a cruise alone without parents. I said I was uncomfortable with it and my husband immediately went into defensive mode and acted like I was being unreasonable. Apparently the fact that the planned trip is over a year away should not be effected by my feelings now. I didn’t excitedly jump at the plan so I was verbally attacked for having a different opinion. Total lack of empathy does not build trust, doesn’t seem like a hard concept to me but apparently it is.

Darkangel - that doesn’t sound like reconciliation to me, sounds like a pretty shitty place to be. Don’t let him determine your worthiness, he’s lost the privilege of having any input.

DarkAngel - we are likely close in age...maybe I am a bit older. Early fifties. I have been in menopause due to a hysterectomy for 10 years ago...sucks big time. And will preference to say I haven’t read your backstory.

I second UnstuffedGiraffe...that doesn’t sound like R. It sounds more like limbo hell. I can’t speak to what R should feel like...I never experienced it. My WH passed away soon after DDay.

What I can speak to is starting over in your fifties. I used to fear it...now I am in it. I won’t lie sometimes I miss that companionship...not my WH’s, but just generally. I lean on my friends. For the most part...I am happy. I have peace. I worry sometimes about money...but my decisions are my own. There is value in that.

My Wh first had an EA in 2010/2011...I had trouble with sex with him since that. In hindsight my loss of trust in him greatly effected me and my sex drive that I never realized at the time. He also got a form of ED after he started cheating...he could never finish. I always blamed myself...thought it was because of my surgery. I beat myself up about that for years. Now I know...his ED was likely a side effect from his cheating...maybe psychological effect. It was never me. I don’t know...I found it hard to be attracted to someone who hurts me, I didn’t trust and frankly didn’t treat me well.

If you truly are not happy and don’t foresee happiness with your WH in the future...you have the choice to end it. It’s never too late and not as scary as you think.

Unstuffed - uggg...you are getting it from two fronts. You WH and your MIL...that sucks. I would not be comfortable right now about any cruise even if it’s a year away. Covid will still be here a year from now even with vaccines.

I really hope she didn’t get the kids all excited about it before someone asked me about it.

I’ve been saying I’m not comfortable with my kids leaving the country without their parents for years. So, after I find out my husband lied to me for almost a decade and his mom blamed me, plus a side of pandemic and this new stuff I found and I’m supposed to just be OK with it all just because they are older?

No, what part are you uncomfortable about? Just I did blank at blank age, does my opinion not matter? I pointed out that both parents legally had to give consent and I was the bad guy for mentioning the law. Um, it’s a big deal and it requires both parents to be OK with it, I’m NOT!

So, after I was deemed unreasonable and my husband walked off I went for a walk to cool down, later I find out I’m the one that walked off. WTF? He drove by and asked if I was going for a walk, then went to a friend’s. Now he’s drinking alone and burning wood. Our conversation a few days ago about my concerns about his drinking was about as productive. So, now he doesn’t think his mom will be willing to pick our daughter from school while we are in MC because I don’t trust her to travel out of the country alone with our kids.

I think maybe I needed to vent.

darkangel, hi, I don’t know if we’ve met.

Your WH sounds a lot like mine and many others here on SI. The WS has absolutely no right to get angry when you are triggered. Mine goes completely ballistic if questioned about A.

Recently STBXWH confessed that the exAP Stated “your wife (me) is never ever going to let you be happy”.

I wanted to smack him in the head.

What about ME? I have led a pretty miserable existence with WH.

I wanted WH to go and live with AP and raise her children and try to be “HAPPY”.

When WH “f***ed her off” (his words) the AP turned on me. Attacking ME. The whore acted like I didn’t exist during the A. Apparently WH told her nothing about me. I was invisible to them. WH certainly wasn’t going to tell the slut that he’s an abusive, narcissistic POS in his marriage.

Only this week I told WH, that as far as I am concerned, we have never been married. WH has never ever acted like he is married. The MARRIAGE is just a piece of paper. A legal document. Just like DIVORCE it’s a legal formality. Whether WH likes it or not, I want and need a DIVORCE.

HE promised to get it done. I am not holding my breath.

Has anyone else ever had the AP say utterly disgusting and ill informed things about them?

I will never allow WH to be HAPPY now.

Has anyone else ever had the AP say utterly disgusting and ill informed things about them?

I really don’t know most of what they talked about and really don’t care. I do know AP2 said I looked 60, I was 44 at the time. I read an email years after affair 1 ended where AP1 is giving husband tips for traveling alone with kids and nice things to do for me.

So today MC was cut short for not being productive so we can focus on IC for a while. I’ve wanted this for a while now so, to me it was productive.

1996 AP told WH I was a hypochondriac, told him he loved her more than he ever loved me

Ick

Has anyone else ever had the AP say utterly disgusting and ill informed things about them?

Yes and it will be etched in my memory until the end of time. The MOW told me that their relationship would have never have happened if I wasn’t so abusive to him which is a total fabrication and probably came straight from STBX’s mouth. Also that he was staying with me because he was afraid I would commit suicide.

Has anyone else ever had the AP say utterly disgusting and ill informed things about them?

Oh I'm sure she did. It was a 4.5 year LTA. I mean let's face it. I'm a BASGU and she's a Donut Whore. There's just no comparison. I'm sure she used every high school mean girl trick in her playbook.

The ultimate question - how much do I care? 0. Not one fuck given of her opinion of me.

My Wh swore that him and his AP never spoke about me...what utter bullshit. Just another lie I was supposed to swallow whole. He also talked bad about me to his friends behind my back. Whatever. Not my friends, my friends know the true me. They know the truth.

One thing I know was true, he shared every detail of my kids lives with her for years and years...to me that is more of a violation. Some random f**king stranger knew my kids lives...shopped for presents with Wh for them. Unforgivable.

he shared every detail of my kids lives with her for years and years...to me that is more of a violation. Some random f**king stranger knew my kids lives.

I feel ya on this one - and my WH told his POSOW all about MY life as well (including troubled FOO, etc).... some fucking stranger knows about MY struggles.

She also apparently "knew" me well enough to opine how shocked she was that I may divorce my WH (to this day I have NEVER met this woman)... But of course, when I ask WH what they talked about or why she may feel feel she knew me well enough to make such opinions I get crickets

That insight into OUR lives and OUR personal journeys w/o our consent is one tough fucking pill to swallow.

That insight into OUR lives and OUR personal journeys w/o our consent is one tough fucking pill to swallow.

Yeah it REALLY is. Told exdouche that when I was still trying to patch things up - I am very discerning about who I 'let in' to my life, and the fact that he unilaterally allowed that skank into MY life was... makes my skin crawl actually.

That said, I'm also with Chaos - I don't give two diddly fucks what any of his ap's think of me. None of them know me and I am beyond better than all of them. Which honestly says way more about what a loser the wasband is than it does about me, that the only women he can attract are them. Pretty sad.

Hi Goddesses!

Just finished work.

WH flew to Colorado Springs this morning for a week for work.

Needless to say, I am triggered big time

I have a question for you all

Does your WH have a problem with people knowing he’s a Cheater?

Mine does because he thinks he isn’t that person anymore (Bullshit)

What’s your take on it?