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Its been two months since we lost our beloved Golden Doodle of almost 15 years. We got him at 8 weeks and I remember well the all night crying, the housetraining and the chewing phases. I was a lot younger then and I'm wondering if we are crazy considering looking at dogs this soon after losing our boy.

I'm wondering why I keep bouncing back and forth between scouring the puppy listings and the shelters and rescue sites thinking about taking the plunge with telling myself it is too soon and that waiting would be good for us both. I've waffled with adopting or fostering an older dog but the lure of a young pup to train from the ground up is there too.

My H misses having a pet more than I do, but he is much busier than I am with work, so the training and parenting will fall largely on me. I'm still a little numb, still getting through a weak R process, just over a long bout with COVID and wondering if we need a longer break from pet ownership to do some dog free travel, and maybe establish a new normal for the true empty nest version of us before we throw the mayhem of a new pet into our lives. The old relationship dynamic is that I am risk averse and slow to pull the trigger, so the last dog was a surprise he bestowed upon me as I was burying my father and he was shopping for a girlfriend, so the dog thing is a little triggering. I worry that the dog will just be another distraction to keep us from addressing the relationship issues he doesn't want to deal with, but I also know that a new addition to the family would give us something to bond over. I am a nurturer, so when we do get a new dog I know it will get a huge chunk of my heart.

How soon is too soon to replace a dog you loved so much? Our neighbors are finally replacing theirs lost over a year ago and are really trying to get us to adopt a litter mate so they can grow up together. I'm torn in every direction, but that is looking like my new normal these days.

Looking for feedback to help me make sense of my emotions from those with multiple breaks in their hearts. Thanks.

I'm so sorry about your pup.

There is no right or wrong answer to your question.

Nine years ago I lost the best friend and companion I will ever have. She was a rescue that I was talked into. She chose me as her person and we became inseparable. I cried my heart out for a very long time after she died. I ended up getting a puppy two months later. It helped to distract me and helped fill that empty space in the house she left. That puppy is nine now and we have since also added a rescue.

It's good that you are putting a lot of thought into deciding. Like you, I had to do the majority of the puppy training so I also did a lot of thinking about that. Our rescue that we got was so easy. He was about three and so easy to train.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Having lost my best friend Golden Retriever at age 15 - 4 years ago, I can so relate to your pain.

I have always had dogs. After losing him, I had the chance to adopt two tiny dogs, a bonded pair. The female, a long hair Chihuahua was 4 and the male, a Chiweenie, was 3. I got them because their owners had adopted a little boy and he was extremely allergic to them. What was so odd is they came right to me like they had known me forever and they never looked back at the former owner when she handed them over. They sleep with me, go in the car with me - I have been their person since day one when I got them. The 7 days I spent in the hospital last year was the only time we have been apart. When I got home, they actually cried as they were so happy to see me. I was also happy to see them. They are a constant source of comfort to me.

I think it's all up to you and you will know when you are ready. It was 5 months between me losing the sweet Golden boy until I got these rescues. It was a lonely 5 months.

Very sorry for your loss. 90 percent of us here can relate.

I was going to say the exact same thing as Zebra.

There is no "right" or "Wrong" time. There is just your time, whenever that ends up being.

We had a Pug who lived to almost 17 years old. We had to have him helped over the Rainbow Bridge on JM's birthday. We grieved and we could not imagine another dog in his place at first. We knew that we were going to want another pug at some point. I'd talked to a breeder about getting a puppy in 6 months to a year. Well about a month after we lost Jake, this breeder posted on her FB page a little male named Samson she was going to rescue. He was 9 months old and was being left outside on a chain. I sent the picture to JM and within minutes was talking to the breeder, and Samson came home to us a week later.

It was the perfect time for all of us, most of all Samson.

Do what you think is best for you.
For me I have a soon to be 14 yo lab that is dying has renal failure and as of July had a softball sized tumor in her spleen. Surprisingly she is doing well but I also know every day is a gift and tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Vet says spleen tumor will rupture a she will die quickly after.
That said we have already been in contact with the breeder we got our 4 yo lab from. She will let us reserve a dog when we are ready. She is very particular to who she sells dogs to, but we plan to not wait at all or however long it takes for a new litter to be ready after my old lady passes.

Follow your heart with a little practicality mixed in. Without a pet, some things, like travel or time-consuming hobbies (skiing, golf, trying every roller coaster in a 100 mile radius) are a lot easier. If that sounds like you, then maybe wait a bit and do the travel/hobbies and THEN get a pet. If not, do what feels right.

My beloved cat died in November. then COVID came along in March and in June I adopted 2 new cats (not kittens— I’m a pound pet kinda person), and they have been a joy through Covid. But. But now I feel a little saddled. So no right answer - there are pros and cons to everything.

Sorry about your Doodle. Losing pets is losing family and it is so hard.

Thank you all so much for the sympathy and the suggestions, and for sharing your stories. There is never a perfect time!

Part of my reluctance is that I was so bonded to this last one, and him to me that it seems he deserves a little more mourning time than two months. I had originally thought a year or so to get a couple of dream vacations off the list without the guilt of boarding, but I feel myself weakening. There is also the fatigue that came with the last year of caring for him, he was a big boy and had trouble getting up and down and was in diapers over a year at the end. It is so much easier to keep a clean house right now.... clean but quiet.

There is also the flatness I am finding myself in lately, and it's a tough call whether to continue to guard myself or to open up to a new soul to love. I'll follow up with a post when we take the plunge. It's not an if, but a when.

I understand the struggle! We lost our girl almost 3 months ago. I was beyond heartbroken, but was just starting to think about adopting an older dog. Unfortunately, SO had to have one of his dogs helped over the rainbow bridge yesterday (I love that phrasing, HFSSC). I was there, knew that sweet dog most of her life, and now I feel like I'm back to square one.

As my mother would have said, you'll know when you're ready. Hugs!

Getting another dog right away does not mean you are not honoring, or mourning the loss of the prior pet. As someone that has always had a houseful of pets, each animal bonds w/ me all in different ways, but when each passes, there is pain and grief.
I honestly have been grieving the loss of my old girl now for months, I know it's going to happen and sooner than later, but it gives joy everyday she gets excited to eat her food (made from scratch to keep her going) and loves to play fetch every afternoon.

If you want to plan and not have to worry about one then do so. It does make travel easier. Of course we did things the other way.... we bought a nice 5th wheel so that we can take them with us wherever we go.

We lost out St. Bernard just before Christmas last year, then the chihuahua passed and my sphinx cat. All within a few months.

Wh was heartbroken over the St.Bernard and swore No more dogs,ever.

Then this summer we heard about a female bulldog that needed a new home. Wh fell in love instantly. We visited her to make sure we were a good fit and two weeks later she came home.

It was meant to be. (Although she prefers me over wh lol)

This is going to sound crazy, but ask your beloved departed dog for help in finding a new one. He knows you are lonely. I lost my rescue dog literally the day before Covid lockdown. Then halfway through Covid my cat died. For the first time in 30 years I was without a pet. I knew I was going to retire soon and decided I'd start looking for another rescue dog after I retired and could be home to bond with another dog. One night I sat on my porch, looked at the sunset and asked my past fur babies to send me the right pet.

Boy did I ever get surprised. My previous rescue was a Treeing Walker Coonhound and I absolutely loved her. She had never lived in a home and was mostly used for making more coonhounds in South Carolina for hunts. The adjustment was hell but we made it, so I was looking for another coonhound. What came into my life was a fabulous Dachshund mix. Talk about total opposites.

In him I got the absolute perfect combination of all my other pets, from personality to looks, only it was all my favorite things about them and none of the little annoyances. How I got him is even more interesting. I live in northern Illinois, and he came from New Orleans. Our local rescue shelter had a lot of demand for smaller dogs. They put together an arrangement to take smaller dogs from a shelter in New Orleans where the TV show Pitbulls and Parolees is filmed. So my little Dachshund was in a shelter with about 90 Pitbulls. And yet we found each other.

So keep an open mind and ask for an assist from beyond. To my total surprise, one night I was in my sister's yard and it was getting dark. My Dachshund was staring intently at something and all of a sudden he took off after it. Believe it or not, he chase a raccoon up a tree, which was something I never saw my Treeing Walker Coonhound do. I have to believe she had a good laugh with my other babies who have gone over the rainbow bridge.

Charity, I too went from a big dog to two little dogs. My Big boy Golden was one of the BIG ones and even though he was so huge, he sometimes wanted in my lap and he weighed almost as much as me. The little dogs I rescued are both registered and the family that had to rehome them took applications. She chose me out of over 30 applications so I have to know it was meant to be.

My big old Golden had ban hip issues and I took him with me on the last road trip I took to Cape Cod so I was having to help lift him back in the car. I was worn out! But he had a ball on that road trip - his last -- as he got to play in the ocean. He loved it! I'm so glad I took him. I STILL miss him and he's been gone since May 2019! I've signed up to rescue a senior Golden Retriever so when one needs a home, I will take him/her and try to give them a good life for the remainder they have left.

My daughter lost her 12 year old Shih Tzu (who was never LIKE a dog, more like a little girl!) and she cried for days. One of her teachers raises English Bulldogs (like Dragon's dog) and offered her the runt of the litter. He was the cutest puppy but now that he's almost a year old, he's a handfull and big and strong. He only LIVES to get outside and chase my barn cats - who absolutely hate him.

Dogs are wonderful.

Jeaniegirl, I can completely relate. My coonhound had hip dysplasia and could no longer stand up. That last day I had to call someone to help carry her to my car. I dealt with it willingly. But it seems when I asked my previous babies to send me the best dog, they decided I needed to be able to lift him. He's five years old, and it is perfect for me. I got him completely house broken and well behaved. It's like my buddies knew exactly what I needed.

How wonderful you had that road trip. What a gift to give. My Coonhound, Norma Jean, (and yes I reminded her daily that someone at the shelter thought she was as beautiful as Marilyn Monroe) never had bonded with a human. She had a job. So the joy of her wanting to snuggle with me was all the more wonderful. Good for you for wanting to rescue a senior.

It is so hard losing a pet. I agree it is the right time when you are ready. There is no magic calendar date. When my beloved boy pups passed (old age, both ended up with cancer, had them put down together), I was NEVER getting another dog because it was too hard. Anyhow, 4 weeks later I could not take it anymore and went to the shelter and made eye contact with this vivacious 7 month old mixed pup. My buddy is 4 now and my bestfriend. Some wait longer, but even with the kids at home, the dog silence was too much for me.

I agree with tush.

Getting another pet soon is not an indication that your pet was not important to you or that you did not love them. It is an indication of how much you love him and how precious it was to you to have that kind of a friend/companion. Getting another dog is like celebrating that relationship you had with the past one.

Can’t wait to hear about the excitement you will feel when you get your new love.

I really understand your concern about the kind of "work" that won't get done on deeper issues if you two get another puppy to focus on. Another forum for that part...but I'd say it's not an unfounded concern.

To limit this to Off Topic, I'd like to share a wacky story I heard from a friend yesterday. I was sharing how this week, we are both so deep in grief over the loss of our precious "oldest boy," who died on Thanksgiving Day (probably of a ruptured spleen we had no inkling he was suffering with tumors of...) We are so heartsick we don't want to consider another dog yet, besides caring for his bereft girl dog, who is also in mourning for him. The vet said she will be whining, depressed and looking for him for weeks. (I think more like 'forever...' as she's a working line German Shepherd.)

I explained to our friend "We didn't even plan for the day we'd lose him. In fact, I even toyed with the idea of getting him preserved when that day came. I couldn't bear to lose the sight of him! He was such a gorgeous and unique animal." (Part Lab, part Shepherd, maybe part Border Collie and we think a percentage wolf or coyote-dog. Like in 12 years we never ran into a picture of another dog close to him; just a specimen of an athletic farm dog.)

Our friend came back with "Actually, there was an old lady who used to live in a townhouse here and after her German Shepherd dog died, she had it stuffed and kept it sitting up in the front picture window. Every holiday, she'd dress it up with costumes for the season. She did that for years, until she herself passed." I cringed and said "Wow. I think part of her life must have ended when that dog died..." and he said "Yes. I think that's why nobody ever said anything about it. But it was a little weird." I thought to myself "Yeah, OK, I don't want to be that person."

So I guess there are limits to how much we can allow ourselves to hang onto their memory? We have pictures. We have immense pain and it's not looking like it's going to fade anytime soon. I don't know if another dog would suffer by comparison with this dog's intellect, wisdom, ways of communicating, thinking, anticipating, etc., etc., but I think few could measure up. So I'm going to be in the "Wait for the right time" group.

I understand as a life long dog owner, we lost 3 of ours in 2 days. Each of them were special I tried to wait. I got a retired standard poodle from a breeder I know, about 3 months later. We all adore him, he will never be a service dog to high strung. My daughter said it best when her dog died, he wouldn’t like me to be sad, dogs make me happy so I do want another one so Noodle doesn’t worry. It is a humanizing our dogs, but then I am upset my dogs know it. My three that passed were very sensitive to my feelings.

So do it when you want to.

Thank you all for the support and sharing more of your stories. We love our pets like family because they are our family.

We are visiting two breeders today and I'm certain I will come home with a new puppy to love. I scoured the rescues and shelters and rehomes but there was no one that spoke to my heart. So many unwanted hunting dogs and pit bulls, and so many sweet faces, but I need a low shed pup, hence the breeders. I will up my Christmas donation to the shelters to offset any guilt.

You are all right, there is no right time, and I'm sure my sweet boy would want our house and hearts to be full again.

Edited to add that when I went to gather a leash just in case, the smell of my dog hit me like a brick and I had a great big cry. I will miss him always.

[This message edited by whatisloveanyway at 2:51 PM, Sunday, December 4th]

Good luck today!

Your post and the replies got me to browse online a bit yesterday, just to see how I'd react if by some luck I were able to spot a "replacement" dog that would click with all of us. I too noticed way too many hunting dogs and pit bulls. Same here in our local shelter! I've often wondered why people allow litters of such pups to be bred.

And doing specific breed searchs for Labradors, German Shepherds, Border Collies and Alaskan Malamutes, (our best guesses of his ancestry) I noticed lots of pups or adults being advertised as "big, goofy" which are likely code words for untrained, even unmanageable charmers... One tip I soon figured is when a dog's adoption photos are all taken sitting or laying down, it might be a hint it has health or leg confirmation issues. And the adoption fees were often as much as $750.

Yikes, I saw so many cute and sad puppy faces out there, many tugged at my heart. But there wasn't a dog online who sparked anything like our late boy; I didn't expect I'd find another like him anywhere in the world. That's the advantage of having a particular breed or cross you knew your last pup to be, rather than falling in love with a happy accident of nature. I blame myself for listening to our vet say that dog DNA tests weren't too useful. We never got one done. 😢

Funny, right now our own county shelter has almost a possible "replacement" pup: Labrador-Border Collie male, age 8 months, that the owner surrendered. It says he is best not to go where there's another dog, though. Hmmm. He looked a bit on the small side, with big brown eyes full of intelligence but a short coat, so he wouldn't look much like our late dog. Maybe tomorrow I'll stop in and see him in person, if only to convince myself it's too soon! (And break the news to our shelter ladies who've always remembered our special boy. They never could tell us anything about him or his Lab mother, other than they came in Lyme + after being owner surrendered for repeatedly running loose, chasing cattle!)

If we end up with a pup this soon before Christmas, I'm going to "thank" you guys!! 😆

Good luck!!!