SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Devastated,
If I can make a suggestion - before that asshat of a WS comes to collect his things, do a full inventory of what is his and what is yours. I am in Ontario as well. We have no fault divorce in our province. Half if all marital assets belong to you. Don’t give him the opportunity to claim more than he is legally entitled should you move to divorce, this will be invaluable.
My heart aches for you. I went through something similar 12 years ago. You will survive this. It only gets better when you take your power back - you are on your way. Hang in my friend.

Devastated, I have read this thread quite a few times and wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I've spent a long time feeling like you do. I can feel the pain jumping off the page like a physical sensation.

This feeling is one of the hardest to ever experience. No one can know until they've walked in your shoes.

You are resilient, immensely valuable and you will feel better. That time will come. I hope you fight really hard for you. Whether you do it loudly or quietly.

There will be a day that you look back on it as the worst time ever, and as THE PAST.

I still hold hope that he will want me back!

Are you able to say why?

Have you ever made lists of:

Positive, healthy things. Negative, hurtful things.

1. 1.

2. 2.

Etc.

(Sorry I can’t make that look right! I was trying to make it look like two separate lists. I don’t know why the second 1. and 2. won’t move over for me!)

I know that trust can’t be on your positive list. He’s a liar.

I know that faithfulness cannot be on your positive list. He’s a cheater.

I know that respect for you cannot be on your positive list. He steals from you. Etc, etc.

I know that protecting you cannot be on your positive list. He publicly humiliates you.

Maybe one thing that could be on the positive list, is all the good times that you had. But can it REALLY? When you think back about it, as you said, you were snuggling with him and planning a getaway only minutes before you found out about his cheating. So, surely that will also have to go on the negative list.

I’m so sorry for your devastation. I am so sorry for your pain, and your health challenges.

I’m not sure how to help you turn a corner, but I truly believe that you are stronger than you think. And I believe that YOU are the winner in this situation. No matter what the latest little whore told you when she invaded your space.

YOU are the winner.

You don’t have to be lied to, cheated on, abandoned, and publicly humiliated any more.

But you have to see it clearly and really want something different.

As a very wise person suggested earlier, if you have to start somewhere… Start with the love for your dogs. Think of them when you’re at work, starting to tear up. Think of rolling on the floor with them laughing at their funny faces. Thank of what a mess they would be in if you were not there with them. Get leashes and take them for walks.

Dogs love you completely, and unselfishly. You deserve that.

NEVER stop searching for that first step in seeing things more clearly.

And thank God, or what/whoever you thank, that you are out of that situation. That you didn’t continue in the marriage for even longer. That "the world belongs to you" and you are worth it.

He didn’t win. The new whore didn’t win. YOU DID!

I’m sorry you aren’t to the point yet where you can see and really believe that.

But one day, YOU WILL BE.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 4:35 AM, Thursday, September 14th]

How are you doing, Dev? We haven't heard from you for awhile.

Just checking in to say that I hope you are ok Dev. Let us know how you are doing if you can.

Hey Dev— you still around?

Dev, just checking on you, are you still here?
I have been thinking about you and I hope you are okay. Sending (((hugs)))…