SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What a lousy week you had! Yet you survived, so that’s a victory. Did the idiot that hit you have insurance? If so, let your insurance work it out with his insurance. I can’t believe he called his friends to come and bully you. It must have been frightening for you. Sounds like that guy is cut from the same cloth as your WS. Jerks. Do you get a rental car covered by your insurance?

Keep moving as best you can. Breathe. You might need to exist from one breath to the next for a bit, but the time period will lengthen to a minute, a few minutes, an hour, etc. This is harder for you because of your brain injury, so don’t berate yourself for not being farther along in your recovery. It takes as long as it takes. You are not pathetic. You’re strong. You’ve survived. Give yourself credit for that. I have a great deal of admiration for you.

I’m curious (and can’t remember if you’ve said,) where are you in the divorce process?

I am sorry to hear about your accident. What a horrible man, and believe me, I get it because something similar happened to me last week. Much smaller scale than yours. I was just sitting at a stop light, had been sitting for about 45 seconds or so, and there is angle parking on the street. Suddenly, I noticed the truck parked beside me had his reverse lights on and was about to hit me. I hit the horn, and fortunately, he stopped but I could see him gesturing and yelling in his truck. I had just been sitting there all along. It's not like I suddenly pulled up and blocked his way. He just didn't look. But everyone assumes it's the fault of the other person anymore. However, you were vindicated by your other driver getting charged so yay, you! Take a small win!

Did you find anything while thrifting? Good on you for going out!

I mean, breakfast didn't work out so well. Sigh. But again, going out for a meal on your own is a major accomplishment so again, yay, you! People just don't think sometimes before they speak, and obviously that waitress is one of them. Boo hiss to her.

Mixed bag on the MIL. Nice of her to call to check on you. Boo hiss for telling the ex, and also being one of those people who just doesn't think they before they over-share.

Glad to hear that you're reading some of the recommended books. Are any of them speaking to you?

I've been following this whole situation since the start and want you to know how many people here are rooting for you and want the very best for you.

I am so so sorry for the week you've had but I have a question: Where the ever loving hell do you live??? I have never in my life heard of so many people--family, "friends," friends of friends, ex-family members, co-workers, waitstaff, and strangers on the street who have so much to say about your life. People where I live wouldn't DREAM of commenting on someone's appearance, send texts of the douche who left a relationship to the person they left, state an opinion about anyone's relationship or past relationship and sure as hell wouldn't venture an opinion to a customer in a restaurant that the person who used to come in with you seemed happier with the new person.

Jesus. Seriously, where do you live?? And maybe you better move here. You would be very welcome.

As everyone has said, things will get better and although you might now see it now, you are MUCH better off without your awful cheating ex. He is a waste of space and not worth your time.

Big hugs from the Northern Canada

Where the ever loving hell do you live??? I have never in my life heard of so many people--family, "friends," friends of friends, ex-family members, co-workers, waitstaff, and strangers on the street who have so much to say about your life. People where I live wouldn't DREAM of commenting on someone's appearance, send texts of the douche who left a relationship to the person they left, state an opinion about anyone's relationship or past relationship and sure as hell wouldn't venture an opinion to a customer in a restaurant that the person who used to come in with you seemed happier with the new person.

^^^I was wondering the same thing. I live in a small town in suburbia, and my mom grew up in a farming town in CA, very small, everyone pretty much knew each other, but I don't think any one of them would have the audacity to comment on someone's private life, especially in person.

You might want to consider leaving that area and starting fresh in a new location.

Hey Dev- how did this week go?

Okay so I have been crying at work for over three hours. I cannot seem to stop. My eyes are swollen, my nose red and I cannot breathe. I cannot stop shaking and trembling. I won't lie, I NEED this pain to end. I CANNOT keep going like this. I found proof of my WS new relationship and saw the things they were sending each other, the beautiful quotes, the sweet hellos and goodbyes....the constant messaging throughout the day to keep in touch.... I went pain seeking and that's what I found, a world of pain added to my already pit of misery. I know that everyone is going to say its my fault for going looking but I cannot seem to stop. I cannot seem to let go. I cannot seem to move on. I cannot seem to stop caring. I cannot seem to accept that he doesn't want to be with me. I cannot accept that I wasn't enough. I cannot accept his happiness. I just cannot ACCEPT! No one can reason with me. I am completely irrational. No one can tell me things that I already know to be true and logical. I cannot seem to stop being driven by just emotions. I know he's a liar. I know he is a manipulator. I know if it wasn't this woman it would be someone else, many someone elses. I know you can't make someone want or love you. I know I could never trust him. I know I am a chump. I know he wants his cake. I know I am still stuck in hopium. I know ALL THAT! It doesn't help! I know it all and it doesn't stop any of these emotions or the agony I live with second to second! The hurt and the pain are so real I can physically reach out and touch them. I don't exist just this shell of pain exists. NC, block him, forget him, etc etc All words of wisdom but when you are absolutely frozen in time and cannot do any of that, cannot move out of this abyss of darkness...then what? I am on meds, I am in counselling, I am reading help books. I would give anything to have this pain stop......ANYTHING......and that's what worries me. I am sorry if I seem so fricken weak again......but clearly I am.

BTW...I live in southern Ontario. People on here were shocked when the AP visited me. This newest girl toy is brazen and bold. She has been given the impression I want him back (sadly I seem to) and she is not about to let it happen. She is trying to shame me on on social media. She has earned the friendship of "our old friends". They welcomed her because of course anyone is better than the "bit** I am " as I have been painted. The AP he kept secret for the most part. Wasn't about to openly show his true colours. This one is his "new love", his "new soulmate" and he is showing her off to the world and his friends. She sits on the back of his bike where I once used to; the seat he told everyone that no other woman would ever be on again when he introduced me to his friends. She attends the functions, the parties, the rides as his partner. His employer knows all about her. They are going away on vacation (something I couldn't get him to do for years). His family has welcomed her. It is as if I never existed. Our life erased with one stroke of a brush. well.....erased in his world anyways :( I would love to be erased......so the pain would be erased to

He posted today all over his social media a video of why men "cheat". It basically states it is because their woman doesn't fulfill their needs. The video talks about how men give women a blueprint of what they need and how to tend to their needs and we as women often don't listen to what they are saying and then we wonder why our men are unhappy and cheat. It further states that women need to learn to listen to what their man is saying they need to stay content in a relationship. It was compared to when you take a job and are given a list of duties and expectations.....you cannot ignore what is said to you and just do your own thing. A woman hosts this video!!!!! My messages blew up from people telling me I made him unhappy and that I should have known he was unhappy. I should have known I would lose him! I had no idea what was going on until my associate told me he had blown up his social media with videos like this one justifying his actions. Videos that women host too to make it seem like even women agree with this logic.

Please take care of you Dev and just ignore all of the stupid your ex keeps spewing. He's a total tool.

I found proof of my WS new relationship and saw the things they were sending each other, the beautiful quotes, the sweet hellos and goodbyes....the constant messaging throughout the day to keep in touch.... I went pain seeking and that's what I found, a world of pain added to my already pit of misery.

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't he on his like NINTH "relationship" since you? Sooooo... all of those others were "real" too? I totally get the desire to look, I really do. But you can't. Because all it does is hurt you. Do yourself a favor and BLOCK him. Block him, block her, block his family, block everydamnbody RIGHT NOW. The only way to kick that habit is to KICK it right in the dick. Blocking them prevents them from seeing you, but it also prevents you being able to see their shit too (which is way more important). I know that hurts, but the healing hurt is way better and way more short-lived than the painshopping hurt.

Devastated, gently, I think you need to check yourself into a hospital

All of us understand the pain, I'm afraid you are going to lose your job, then what?

How do you find their most intimate conversations? Seriously?

He is gone, that's the reality, and you are still pining for this POS. He is not coming back, he is living his life, and you are wallowing in hurt and self-pity. It's hard, we've all been there, but it's time to pick yourself up and get motivated for YOUR happiness. Don't waste another minute thinking about what HE is doing, you need to focus on YOU and your happiness. No one can do that for you, you need to find the courage to love yourself enough.

Please, please check yourself in and get an evaluation and some serious therapy and medications.

I was going to say the same as annb. It seems like some long-term hospitalization/treatment is necessary. It's not that you can't do all of these things you mention. It's that you won't. I don't say that to hurt you. I really don't wish to do that. I don't know what it takes to get into that kind of treatment. Have you asked on the crisis line? I'm also in southern Ontario, I've seen Canadian Mental Health offices/buildings. I don't know if you can just walk in there and get help like this. I'd think that walking into E/R at any hospital and explaining about self-harm thoughts would get you help. Are you taking your meds correctly? On time? Every day? As directed? If so, call your doctor and let them know that you are in a bad way, and the meds are not helping. How often are you in counselling?

When you say you'd do ANYTHING to make this stop, it just doesn't seem to be true. ANYTHING includes stopping yourself from looking for new ways to hurt. No one says it's simple, but everyone including you knows it's true. I'm sorry this is so hard for you.

Hey Dev,
If you go looking, you’re not gonna like what you find. Let’s play the what if game. What IF he does come back to you. Will you truly be "okay" living and being with a man like that? Someone who belittles you, called you names, painted this unglamorous picture of you to ALL your friends, makes everyone think you’re this needy, whiny, mentally unstable crazy person. What IF you welcome him back and he convinces you to take him back - do you think he’s gonna change who he is? He made promises - spoke VOWS with you, TO you, and then just stomped all over your heart and soul and hasn’t looked back once Dev, NOT once. The only looking back he’s doing is to see how far back he’s left you in the dust. And you want to be with a man like that?? Dev. You have to LOVE yourself FIRST. Put YOU first. You said you are "weak". Well this pining for him after all he’s done to you DOES make you appear weak to him. Quit that. BLOCK him. Block allll the friends and the family and anyone and everyone who associates with him. You are in the biggest fight for your life Dev. We can write on here all day long and encourage you and support you and check in on you - but if YOU yourself don’t do some of the work Dev, what we say just goes in one ear and out the other. LET all those women crawl into his bed - LET them have your sloppy seconds, LET THEM. He’s no prize friend, why anyone would want a POS like him is beyond me, he’s a slimy creep. You deserve so much better than that. I agree with what annb and the others are recommending- that you may need inpatient care. It’s evident that you are not progressing out of this, it’s evident that you’re struggling, falling into deeper depression, it’s evident that you can’t do this alone Dev. It’s killing you from the inside out - and for what?? For a man who has clearly indicated that he doesn’t want you? Dev. Look at his actions - what are they telling you?? That he’s moved on. And you’re still stuck in this excruciatingly painful loop - you haven’t had a reprieve at all Dev and you NEED one. Please, please, PLEASE Dev for the love of all things holy, check yourself in to a hospital. Get some REST, get some intensive medical attention. Get BETTER! You may not think so but you DESERVE happiness too!! Sending hugs Dev. Sending lots of warm hugs.

I'm in northern Ontario and a previous Guelph person (southern Ontario city) and there are resources available for you. As everyone said, it is time to check in somewhere to get the skills to jettison your POS ex boyfriend. I was completely utterly blindsided with my husband of 26 years affair, naked tits smacked in my face AND my 18 year old son's face on Christmas Eve as active messaging was happening between him and his AP as he sat on the couch downstairs. He had told us to look at a happy holiday message from my SIL on my husband's messenger and then forgot we could see all the other messages. The fucking world cracked open and dropped me through. I understand where you have been, as does everyone else here trying to reach you.

Now it is time to heal YOU. Fuck him and all the little girlfriends he seems to be going through like Kleenex. NONE of them are special, no matter what little gross conversations they are having, and quotes they send (yuck) and assertions of love. Ya right. YOU are the prize and your life is your own, you just need to claim it again.

ConnexOntario: 1-866 -531-2600 Free and confidential health services information for people experiencing problems with alcohol and drugs, mental health and/or gambling. Available 24/7.

Talk Suicide: 1-833-456-4566

Offers toll-free support to people in Canada who have concerns about suicide. Phone line available 24/7 or text 45645 between 4 p.m. and midnight ET.

Publicly Funded / Free Services Inpatient

•Hôpital Montfort

o713 Montreal Road, Ottawa, ON, K1K 0T2 Map

o613-746-4621

•Bellwood Health Services

o175 Brentcliffe Rd, Toronto, ON, M4G 0C5 Map

o1-416-495-0926

•EHN Canada (EHN Canada)

o175 Brentcliffe Rd, Toronto, ON, M4G 0C5 Map

o1-416-495-0926

•Edgewood Health Network Canada (EHN Canada)

o175 Brentcliffe Road, Toronto, ON, M4G 0C5 Map

o1-866-867-5787

•Scarborough Hospital

oON, Canada

o416-438-2911

•St Joseph's Health Centre

o30 The Queensway, Toronto, ON, M6R 1B5 Map

o416-530-6000

•Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre

o2075 Bayview Avenue, Toronto, ON, M4N 3M5 Map

o416-480-6100

•Toronto General Hospital (TGH)

o200 Elizabeth Street, Toronto, ON, M5G 2C4 Map

o416-340-3111

•Ontario Shores Centre for Mental Health Sciences

o700 Gordon St, Whitby, ON, L1N 5N1 Map

o905-430-4055

•Queensway Carleton Hospital

o3045 Baseline Road, Ottawa, ON, K2H 8P4 Map

o613-721-2000

•Lynwood Charlton Centre

o526 Upper Paradise Road, Hamilton, ON, L9C 5E3 Map

o905-389-1361

•Cornwall Community Hospital

o840 McConnell Avenue, Cornwall, ON, K6H 5S5 Map

o613-938-4240

•St. Joseph's Health Care - Regional Mental Health Care

o850 Highbury Avenue, London, ON, N6A 4H1 Map

o519-455-5110

•Canadian Mental Health Association-Sudbury and Manitoulin

o111 Elm Street, ON, P3C 1T3 Map

o705-675-7252

•St. Thomas Elgin General Hospital

o189 Elm Street, St. Thomas, ON, N5R 5C4 Map

o519-631-2030

•Woodstock General Hospital

o310 Juliana Drive, Woodstock, ON, N4V 0A4 Map

o519-421-4211

•Hotel Dieu Grace Healthcare (HDGH)

o1453 Prince Road, Windsor, ON, N9C 3Z4 Map

o519-257-5111

•Halton Healthcare Service Mental Health Program (HHS)

o3001 Hospital Gate, Oakville, ON, L6M 0L8 Map

o905-845-2571

•Bethesda

o3280 Schmon Parkway, Thorold, ON, L2V 4Y6 Map

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•Kingston General Hospital

o76 Stuart Street, Kingston, ON, K7L 2V7 Map

o613-548-3232

•Providence Care Mental Health Services

o752 King Street West, Kingston, ON, K7L 4X3 Map

o613-546-1101

•North Bay Regional Health Centre (NBRHC)

o50 College Dr, North Bay, ON, P1B 5A4 Map

o705-474-8600

[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 3:56 PM, Thursday, August 24th]

1st off your ex is a spineless piece of shit. Blaming women for not fulfilling their cheating spouses needs is sloppy and an insult. What about your needs? Where was he whilst his wife was battling a brain tumour.... oh yea balls deep in an equally despicable excuse of a woman.

2nd She deserves him and he deserves her. She is deranged if she thinks your to blame for his infidelity and I will take a guess she confronted you because of her own insecurities. He will blame her next. 2 people can contribute to a relationship breakdown yes but he has a mouth and a brain and he should have engaged that and expressed what he needed rather than engaging his cock.

3rd those people messaging you blaming you are not your friends. Message each one back saying "Thank you for showing me who you truly are just as he did. Victim blaming is never OK."

You are enough
His fuck ups are his and his alone
You will heal
You are worthy
This is not your fault

Hey Dev,
How are you holding up? Sending hugs. Remember - you are beautiful, you are worthy. The world needs you.

BB

I have been off the grid for a bit as I gave in to the darkness and spent some time away. I am on some new meds that haven't made any difference ( I am very limited due to my brain tumour of what I can take). I have been crying harder than usual. I am back to not sleeping and I collapsed at work. I am clinically depressed. I am weak from lack of sleep. I am dehydrated from crying out all my body fluids. I am frail. I have bought a few audio books. I am listening to podcasts and I am in counselling. I have found some support in people in a group who have also been very kind to me. Some have messaged me directly and we text. It has given me hope. Cheating is such an epidemic. So many people hurt. So many people struggling.

How do I know about his messages and what is happening? I have access to his emails. They were linked to my phone years ago. I know everyone told me to block him and delete everything. However had I done that I would have been wiped clean of so many of my possessions.

The WS had his things stored in my garage. HOWEVER not everything in that garage is his only about half. He has a remote and the agreement was he would text and let me know when he was coming and only come when I was there. I discovered through email he rented a storage unit in both of their names. His and hers. The move in date for the unit was listed and it was a day I would be at work all day. I had no text from him asking him to come. He was going to show up when I was at work and clean out my garage taking whatever he wanted to leave me to come home and find it empty. I disconnected the garage door. I have cameras everywhere. He parked down the road and slithered around to avoid the cameras. When the garage didn't open he texted me saying he needed to get a few things why wasn't the garage door working. I told him it was broken. Anyways after texting back and forth he finally admitted he was there to take everything. I finally told him what day he could come and gather his things. Little does he know, they will be in the driveway and the garage closed and locked. This is finality but finality on my terms for once. If it is a tool he thinks its his. I paid for almost everything we had. He was going to take it all. As if he hasn't taken enough from me.

One moment at a time. It is what I strive for...to make it to the next second, the next minute and then the next hour.

Look at you! You are taking back your power! Good for you! Keep it up. We are all rooting for you.

He has taken everything from you, talks about you behind your back, has turned your friends against you, sends his current flavor of the month to confront you, low key gaslights you by posting nonsense on his social media - and now wants to further kick you when you’re down by STEALING all your things??? He had planned to go to your house, use the garage remote to gain access to your garage while you were at work - and clean you out. With a very clear conscience and not an ounce of guilt, remorse or humanity. And YOU Dev, you came through. You decided you weren’t going to let him walk all over you in this manner. And you took your power back!! Good for you!!! I LOVE the idea that YOU get to decide what he gets to take. He left. So he no longer gets to enjoy free rein and access to your home and garage. Change the remote control code - you can do that you know. Change it. Change the locks on all the doors - change key codes - all of it Dev. Get rid of his shit, leave it all out on the driveway so he can come and get it. If he gets mad - TOO BAD. His decisions. His consequences.

I can totally relate to your last sentence - one moment at a time. This was my mantra in the early days of discovery. I prayed and prayed to just get thru the next minute, the next hour. Because that’s what it felt like to me - making progress was in tiny baby steps. One minute to the next. Eventually those minutes became hours, hours became days. I made it and YOU CAN TOO.

So glad you found a small support group to check in on you. Infidelity is a cancer. I’m sorry to ANYONE who has to live through it.

Keep going Dev. One foot in front of the other!!

Eeyy, what a display of power you’ve shown. For a guy who loves to proclaim how happy he is, he’s very intent on causing you grief. Kudos for not letting him.

Time to fortify security. See if you can get surveillance of some kind in the blind spots he hid in. Change any codes or activation keys like blackbird said.

And keep that text of him admitting his intent to steal all your things. Screenshot it. If he tries this sh!t again, it’s best to get a paper trail going.

Also, don’t just give him a day. Give him a deadline. A certain day by a certain time to collect his things, or it all goes straight to the garbage (if that’s allowed where you live). Same goes for if he tries to leave some stuff behind. That way, he won’t have a reason to keep coming back and carry out whatever sadistic bullcrap he wants to do next.

Great that you’ve found a support group. One step at a time.

[This message edited by Forks027 at 5:33 AM, Thursday, August 31st]

Echoing the others— nice use of your power! I used to have a spreadsheet and just marked off the hours (at one point every 15 minutes), as I made it through. I had to take it one hour at time, one day at time. So keep on doing that!

Proud of you!

Dev this is amazing! I am so happy that you are starting to take back your power. Good for you! Your post made my day!

My

Hi Dev,
It’s been a minute since you’ve checked in. Just wanted to reach out and tell you I’ve been thinking about you. Hope all is well. Update when you can.
Hugs!!

BB