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The kids and I return "home" tomorrow. STBXWH is moved out of the house. My understanding is the majority of his belongings are currently in the 1 bedroom apartment he will be occupying for the foreseeable future. He knows I will not sleep under the same roof as him ever again. Now that has occurred it’s time to go back and face the music. I would love to stay here and not have to return to "that".

We are telling the kids about separation/divorce tomorrow. Ugh it makes me sick. I am thankful for this peaceful time I’ve had here at the beach with them.

Some days I feel like such an idiot for trusting him not to do this again and again and again. I wanted to keep my family intact. Such a big part of me still loves him and is sad for what lies ahead for him, for me, and our family. He is going to carry this burden on his shoulders for many many years. It’s difficult not to want to comfort him when he’s sad and broken but after going through this multiple times I just cannot. I cannot allow myself to feel sorry for him any longer. I have to stay on this path and get myself out of this mess and unfortunately it won’t be with him.

I have to remind myself of the peace I feel in recent weeks knowing that for me, it will get better each day. The further I distance myself from him the better I feel. I just hope our children will be resilient and get through the rollercoaster they are being flung onto unknowingly. I have a feeling the next few days, weeks, and months will be bumpy. I am glad I took this time to rest and ground myself before facing the coming storm. Love to you all and will provide updates as I am able

Strength to you and your kids. 🩷

Won’t be fun but is a necessary step. Best of luck to you all.

Wishing you peace and comfort during this difficult time.

I don’t know what to say but wanted to say I hear ya & hope things start to improve soon

Do you plan on telling the kids before arriving home? My daughter still talks about how hard it was to walk in and see all his things missing before we told them what was going on.

It always concerns me,when a BS says "we" are telling the kids.

WS always want to lie. Big surprise, right? They want to give the kids some generic excuse, like the two of you just grew apart, or some such bullshit.

As a BS, you understand how important it is to know the truth about what has happened to your life. It's equally important that the kids also know the truth about what has happened to their life.

Be honest with them. Age appropriate honesty. They don't need the dirty details. But the deserve the truth. Don't allow your lying wh to turn you into a parent who lies to their kids. They need to know,now more than ever,that they have at least one parent who will be honest with them.

He is going to carry this burden on his shoulders for many many years. It’s difficult not to want to comfort him when he’s sad and broken

He wasn't sad when he was having multiple affairs. He is only sad that he's been caught..again..and this time he has severe consequences. He wasn't sorry when you didn't know.

How did the chat with the kids go Hopefulwife2019?

Are you OK?
Regards,
FAWH

Welcome to this side of the infidelity club. This is your ticket out of the mess you are in. It is a long painful road, but freedom and peace (I am told, not quite there yet) await you!

How did the telling of the kids go? This was the hardest part so far for me so once you get beyond that it is a relief. Also, the fact that he moved out is also beneficial. Mine refused to so we are still in the same house until things are final :(

Thinking of you- stay the course. You have a your wits about you and went into quick action once you found out which is wonderful.

Please update when you can.

Checking in HW... you are an inspiration to us who have been and/or likely will be in the same position at any moment. I hope I have your fortitude when the other shoe drops!!

I hope the conversation with the kids was not as... traumatic as it could have been...? Don't know how to phrase it! No matter what it had to have been heartbreaking.... Peace and strength to them and to you.

Good morning fellow SI friends! I thought I would drop in and provide an update.

Thank you all again for your words of encouragement and wisdom it truly means more than you know to know that I have a virtual family in my corner

After arriving back home last week we had the kids sit with us and told them we were separating and moving towards divorce. I am glad that we were able to tell them what life will look like in the coming days, weeks, and months. Explained although mom/dad aren’t able to repair what has been broken that it does not change our love for them. xWH surprised me and owned up to the children about his past and most recent infidelities. I believe they were stunned with all of the information thrown their way. Shortly after all of their questions were answered xWH left for his apartment.

I believe the kids are ok, I may be naive in my thinking BUT I believe if xWH and I can be calm and rational and have a "plan" to co-parent it will go a long way in helping them adjust to our "new normal". I did make an appointment for me and the kids to go to therapy and want them to have that in place so they have a safe place to process all that has and is happening. After the family session they can have one on one sessions for a while. They have stayed over at STBXH place a few times since. It seemed to go well and I took advantage of the time and met some girlfriends for dinner and got some self care in

I feel so my I don’t know, lighter. I’ve slept well. I feel as if the worst is over for me and am almost excited for what may come next. I don’t believe I realized the "heaviness" of what I had been carrying all of these years wondering if xWH was being sincere, cheating again, manipulating me etc. of course there is also sadness I’ve invested over 20 years and had children with this man. He is whom I thought I would grow old with and play with our grandchildren. I am at peace knowing even if alone my future will still have love and happiness and no more resentment, anger, sadness or detective work. I won’t ever allow myself to stay in a relationship like that again.

Over the next year we will be hammering out a divorce agreement and in 1 year I will be single for the first time in over 20 years. It is scary and exciting all at the same time. I am unsure how xWH feels about any of it. I believe I have become indifferent due to everything he’s put me through over the years. I haven’t bothered to ask him because it doesn’t matter to me and frankly it isn’t my business any longer. Of course I want him to be ok but in a he’s a fellow human kind of way not in a I love this man kind of way. This last indiscretion was the straw that finally broke the camels back. In some ways I am thankful because it has literally and figuratively set me free.

I hope everyone has a good day, hugs to all that are struggling today. I hold all of you close to my heart. Truly no one can understand this struggle unless they’ve worn our shoes.

I’ll update and things progress. I hope I can encourage those that feel life won’t be better without a spouse that cheats. I know today is an "up/positive" day and I’m certain I will have low/negative days as well. I am learning I can only control my emotions and actions and I am doing my best to stay positive and using this as an opportunity to better myself and live my life in a way that suits me best!

Hopeful,

Proud of you! I will admit I am also a little envious that you have made so much positive progress. Ultimately you show a path forward.

Please keep us posted. You are a shining light for me and I assume so many others.

❤️S2D

I believe the kids are ok, I may be naive in my thinking BUT I believe if xWH and I can be calm and rational and have a "plan" to co-parent it will go a long way in helping them adjust to our "new normal".

It's not naive - it was actually the reality of my own upbringing. In reading your post and thinking back to the day when my parents told us - I recall my Dad walking down the driveway with me (it was 1/2 mile long so not a short walk) and him telling me that he would always be there (he was) and that we would be okay (we were). I was 8, my sister was 3 and didn't get the same talk I'm sure. A unified and calm front, especially when as a kid before that I was distinctly aware of the lack of happiness in our household, was a bit of a relief really. I remember feeling sad that my Dad was moving out, but I don't really recall much else about that - it happened, and we saw him all the time anyway as he lived close by. And the two birthdays and X-mas benefit of divorced parents is REAL

Hopeful, wishing you all the peace and contentment that you can hold.

My kids are adults and XWH moved to another state. My relationships with them has grown and is so much better. Plus, I'm near the grandkids and am enjoying spending time with them. Frankly, my kids are glad they don't have to deal with their dad much (he's a diagnosed covert narc and an emotional vampire) and life is much better after D.

Hey hopeful- checking in. How you and the kids doing?

I also struggle with feeling sorry for my stbx. As bad as the divorce will be for me personally and financially, it's much worse for her. Yet, they choose to cheat. They choose not to reconcile. They choose not to hold themselves accountable. For me, I made excuses with and for her. I need to stop and look out for myself. It's hard after looking out for someone else's interests above your own to suddenly flip that script.

I don't have kids but it was 20 out of 22 years living a total lie and getting out was the hardest work I've ever done. Fifteen years on now, just turned 70 and very happy with my solo life. You're on your way to something great.