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Glad you stopped in to update. This past year has been quite a lot for you. There's no short cuts for healing. Feel the grief use your family to help support each other through it. Know what you are dealing with is normal.
Be kind to you.

Thanks for the update. I'm with tush - you cry because you're grieving, and you're grieving a lot.

Hey all.

So I wanted to share what the universe has decided to remind me of since I've been rather trapped in grief.

A neighbour gave the kids some chicks. Just a barnyard mix. Nothing specific. They will eventually go in the coup and run but the coup needs repairs and the chicks are growing up faster than I've been able to get out to fix it. (OK ok I haven't been motivated to do it, especially in the rain, on a ladder!)

So I came up with the brilliant idea of making a chicken tractor so they can trim down the jungle thats grown up around the house in the last week. Thanks rain!

Here's what I have been reminded of:

1. Wood is a very heavy medium to build anything that needs to be moved around but now I'm pretty sure it's bear proof.

2. Hardware cloth is very very sharp and pokey.

3. I bleed a lot!.

4. If you want to put retractable tires on something to make moving it easier, it's not as easy as what Google shows you. That said when you make it work the satisfaction is so amazing.

5. Flipping over a big chicken tractor to work on the tires when your body is in massive pain is impossible. Unless you use leverage, pullies and blocks!

6. Cutting out a door hole in the roofing metal instead of putting small pieces together around the door is a cute idea and will keep the predators out cause it's sharp as fuck! Ask my elbow how I know.

7. Cut your elbow in just the right spot and you can make it talk when you bend your arm lol

8. Fingers poked with metal bleed more than elbows cut open with metal. Weird

9. Making the ramp to the house section a trap door that locks the birds in the house at night is a great idea! Very happy I thought if it lol

10. The little black flies that swarm this time of year take chunks!

11. Calamine lotion works better than AfterBite.

12. Doing anything physical hurts. But hammering, sawing, drilling and putting something together makes me feel better.

That is all.

hammering, sawing, drilling and putting something together makes me feel better. That is all.

Dragn, being true to your nature is so awesome and sorry but I'm cheering for you!!

It wasn't building this thing that's been hard. It was getting dressed in my work clothes and actually going outside, collecting the materials and just doing it.

So many times I wanted to just go back to bed. Despite sleeping being so hard to get, when I am asleep I don't feel. That's a relief from the sadness so it's been hard not to want to just remain in bed.

But I got up and I got to work and the chicken tractor is almost done.

True, what you are feeling makes total sense. Yet it's your spirit that sends you out, anyway. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Great work Drgn.
Plus all that work will.give you the added benefit of farm fresh eggs and fatigue that we help you sleep soundly.

Now you got me thinking about getting some birds again.

So glad to hear you pushed yourself up and out to get that massive project done!

What a good mom you are- your kids are going to have such fun this summer caring for chickens. My cousin has them and her 7 kids treat them like pets. Their antics keep them entertained, for sure.

I've always wanted chickens... seems like everyone is getting them these days. We do go up north from time to time, so I'm not sure who to ask to watch them when we're gone. It's one thing to get a friend to watch your dog... chickens are probably beyond most the people I know .

Here's to hoping your grief can be alleviated by the healthy distractions and positivity you're surrounding yourself with. It seems that building things and nurturing life are your happy place. What a good person that makes you!!

Wishing you guys comfort and strength, hugs to you all!

Hi,

Well the birds don't like the house part of thr chicken tractor and thr first night I had to crawl inside the run part and put each bird into the house while trying not to let any out.

So they noe go out during the day but we bring them back I to the sunroom at night. I've started the repairs to the big coup with large run. Once that's done they can go there. I'm just gutting the inside and replacing the siding. I need a new solid floor so no critters can dig in.

Anyways. Still hard to sleep. Still so hard to get up to do stuff but trying.

My parents 50th anniversary party is Saturday and while I want to be there, a part of me doesn't want to socialize at all.

I dont want to be around people. It's hard to just get groceries.

I dont know how to be happy around people right now. Even faking it is just to exhausting.

This sounds like depression. Have you talked to your doc about it?

You’ve been through a lot. Some situational depression seems reasonable.

Meds -even for just a few months, can really help.

(((Hugs))). And what ungrateful 🐓 chickens! ;-)

Thanks for checking in.

I hope you're able to carve out some time for self care.

You've been through so much. As BB said, it may be helpful to be evaluated for depression and seek treatment.

Sending you strength and hugs.

I am on antidepressants and I am in IC. Neither seems ro be helping. Doc said I have alot of leeway with this medication and can up the dose. I think I'm due for an increase.

And what ungrateful 🐓 chickens! ;-)

Typically you lock your chickens up in thr house part so they know to go in there. I put their food and water into the house part but they chose to huddle under thr house in thr corner. I should have thr large coup done this weekend so they can go there. I'll remove the house part of the tractor so I can put them out to "range" and it will be easier to move. I have 2 chickens that leap into my arms when I open the cage. It's kinda cute.

Chickens can be very entertaining!!

Hi everyone.

I'm so sorry I haven't been around or supportive of others. I'm just taking everything one day at a time.

My parents 50th wedding anniversary went well. Had some people show up we didn't expect and others we expected not come. Overall it was a good day. The kids had fun. My dad was somewhat absent. I believe lost in sadness that K wasn't there. He eventually joined everyone and seemed to enjoy himself. At least he ate well.

M and I talked for a long time. The trauma he's experienced is just so deep. The morning K passed M had poured himself a coffee. Around the time that the coroner believes K died M's coffee fell off the table and broke. M said that he and K had so many plans for this summer and he is hell bent on making sure they get done.

It's hard to believe it's been 2 months already. It still feels like it all happened yesterday.

DD snapped at a teacher earlier this week. The teacher was giving her friend a hard time for missing class and being behind in work when the reason she wasn't in class was because she was at her uncle's funeral. That hit to close to home for dd and she lost it on the teacher. Luckily when she explained to the principal what happened he didn't get her in trouble. I've told her to bring up in her next IC appointment amd see of theres ways for her to express the emotions without blowing up.

The kids have a lot going on before the end of school so it's constant go go go. I'll be glad when summer break starts.

I hope you all are doing well. ❤️ hugs and fist bumps to all

Hey Dragn.. hope summer is kicking off great for you and the little dragns.

Hi,

Well things are up and down like a roller coaster. I was hoping once school ended it would slow down but my brother called to discuss taking the kids on some trips. He's already scheduled a week long camping trip.

They are all very excited about that.

One of K's friends has been amazing helping out around here.

It's the twins birthday today. 10 years old. Just wow, why do they grow up so fast?!? I baked a huge cake for them. There's no school for them tomorrow so its party time tonight lol

Dd is getting ready for her drivers test OMG!

Ds had an allergic reaction last night and is home today. He is ok but will be seeing an allergist like his sister. He's all excited for his graduation.

I'm trying to keep busy with work around here, theres just so much to do. Omg I'm so sore from it all and I managed to smash my finger and cut open my thumb rather nicely. I can't lift or do much with my left arm so I'm over doing it with my right and now it's very sore.

The kids have been a great help though.

I'm still not sleeping well. I have good days and bad days.

Meds have been increased and I'm seeing IC more often. Dd started with a new IC from same office. Little M has one more session then her ic and I will decide where she goes from there. This IC is concerned with Big D after he was seen first. He's holding alot of his feelings inside while little M is expressing them better.

There's lots of appointments happening. Eye doc at sick kids hospital, allergist, cardiologist (follow up for little M).

It's all overwhelming especially with court stuff on top of it all. No updates there yet, just a lot of back and forth with emails and phone calls.

I have a feeling this summer is going to be a mix of weather but overall hot. Even when overcast and raining it's hot.

I hope you are all doing well.

How is your DD almost ready to drive!?!? And the twins are ten!!

I don't know how you manage all those appointments and taking care of the farm!! Busy can be a good thing.

It sounds like you're all doing as well as can be expected with all you have had to go through.

Thanks for taking the time to check in. I'm always thinking of you and the kids and praying you are doing ok.

Thanks for checking in Dragn! I'm glad to hear that, although you may be getting overwhelmed, you've got people helping and kids and you getting the care you need and deserve.

Hard to believe your DD is going to be old enough to drive!!

How is your DD almost ready to drive!?!? shocked And the twins are ten!!

It's shocking to say those things out loud lol So many years spent in a bad place seems to have overshadowed how quickly the kids grew up.

My brother M's work paid for a day at Canada's Wonderland for the entire company plus family. M got tickets for all of us and we went this past weekend. We got a huge lunch. M spent the night here so we could all be up early to go. Left the house just after 6am. Didn't get back until after midnight. It was a fun trip. The kids insisted that I ride a roller coaster. Ummm ya not my cup of tea BUT as soon as we got there (got early admission) I went on the biggest one.

Terrifying!!!

Big D was to short for most of the big rides not that he cared, hes not into rides. Little M is taller so she got on more and went on a few big coasters! She's a dare devil for sure. Big D and I waited together by her first big coaster ride and when it started he says "oh yeah that's Little M's screams" lol.

I took the twins to the kids area while dd, ds and M went on the big coasters. Big D even hated the small caroselle (sp?). But after a while he was ok and even went on the big one with me and little m a few times.

He agreed to one coaster through the mountain and enjoyed that.

M spoiled the kids big time. They all got squid hats donuts, and ice cream. There was face painting and hena tattoos after lunch.

All in all it was a very fun day. I was in a lot of pain so I did my best to keep up but I enjoyed myself too.

I'm glad I've got a few days to recoup before it gets busy again lol

That sounds like a really fun day for everyone!!