SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Last night I had a dream where I ran into the AP. In the dream she tried to apologise to me.

Stupid fucking dream - she didn’t give a fuck that she was screwing a married man and I know that for a fact.

Why did I have to dream this??? Had the shittiest day because of this. WH is away for work at the moment, probably lucky or I’d have taken it out on him!

Ugh, I’m sorry you had this dream. Although they don’t happen often, there dreams got me hard, and I have to really be intentional to minimize the effect on my day. I also understand the statement about taking it out on UH. So no idea why it happens, just want you to know you are not alone.

Dreams about LTAP have come and gone with varying intensity since DDay1 in 2017.

I've never gotten an apology from her in dreams (or in real life for that matter). It either she is everywhere I am or is trying to kill me.

There are nights I feel like Nightmare on Elm Street. I can't stay awake and I know the dreams will come.

I have many sleepless nights still.

I hate the damned nightmares that come to me. Mine are mostly about WH mocking me telling me he is leaving to be with the one he really loves, then turning his back on me and walking away while I plead with him. I wake up nearly hysterical and crying. I hate going to sleep most nights, which is why I’m on SI at 3:45 am tonight. Got a hold of his phone (he hides it in the garage at night now). What a surprise-he’s deleted all conversations from AP and also not surprising has left texts between him and his POS sister but deleted any ones that mention me or AP. I know this for a fact as often I will see POS has sent him 25 texts but I see only 5 left. This is no doubt for my benefit but he’s too stupid to know I look at the cell phone account daily. No wonder I have nightmares living with a cheating cowardly liar.

The dreams are awfull. The days and months following my WW's confession, sleepless nights were the norm. Mostly the same mind movies playing over and over which also would enter my mind during the day. Not necessarily full dreams. That was 3 plus decades ago. We rug swept, (not recommended).

Not processing the trauma then reared it's ugly head 2 yrs ago. This time I've sought help from a infidelity trauma counselor. There are some first responder traumas mixed in that complicate things. The dreams returned in more detail. The same old mind movies plus new more detailed dreams.

The most troubling was Ww's AP petitioned to join an organization I belong to. When his application was read in an open meeting I nearly got sick. Soon I would have to voice my opposition or wait and cast my secret ballot. Alternative is to fade away and no longer participate. I've had the dream several times with different outcomes.

It just socks.

The dreams may not be reality, but the dreams themself are very real. I had some terrible ones, including me walking around aimlessly in the shop where my wife's AP worked, where they had their first full on no holds barred sexual encounter after he locked up that night. Despite the shop having closed years before d-day.

They are simply a reflection of the trauma of infidelity.

Worse than dreams about snakes.