Topic is Sleeping.
Fracturedfool (original poster new member #84734) posted at 11:32 AM on Thursday, July 11th, 2024
I am extremely upset tonight by a couple of things I read oh WH phone. He usually hides it in the garage at night but tonight I saw it in his pocket and took advantage to read it after he went to bed. Nothing unexpected as I know he edits the text trails between him and his POS sister. I don’t know why I feel guilty looking at it after the hell he inflicted on our lives. Recently I bought us some security cameras as we’ve had a few incidents in the area. I was good enough to help him research different ones and order them. Then I read in his texts to her a few days ago that they will be good to see "her" coming up to the garage when he’s in there. I guess I don’t even rate a name now after nearly 50 years together. This really upset me as I know how mean and backstabbing they are to me. By the way his sister is the one who facilitated the cheating in the 70s and then gave him the APs number last year to reconnect with the tramp.
Then I read back on some texts to the sisters daughter and found one from last year where he says " he was so glad to reconnect with his sister and AP that he cried". I am more upset than ever now and want to throw up my hands and give up. He has inflicted so much pain on me in my life and I doubt he ever cried over me.
I had a meltdown a couple of days ago when we sitting outside. I have been having a really hard time now 18 months out. I just broke down and cried. He just looked at me and said what’s wrong. I said I can’t believe you would do what you did to me calling that whore and flaunting it in my face for 2 and a half months (over 3000 texts saying we’re just friends). He said "it’s been nearly two years and you’re just dragging this out". I got up and went in the house. He came in 15 minutes later as if it never happened.
For reasons I won’t go into right now I am staying with him but don’t know for how long. He will not admit doing anything wrong and thinks this whole shitshow is okay. I am broken and destroyed.
Me BS 70 WH 72 M 42 yrs Together 52 yrs D days 1976-1979 New D day Jan 1 2023
Should have believed what he was the first time
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:47 PM on Thursday, July 11th, 2024
I'm sorry you're going through this. I know what it's like to be betrayed after 43 years of M, but that was after 42 very good years. After 52 years of being together, you deserve to be on the same wave length with your partner.
As broken as you feel right now, I urge you to take time to heal your wounds. Remember: you didn't fail. Your M ddn't fail. Your H failed.
I see your tag line. I urge you to keep reminding yourself that human beings can't predict the future.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:01 PM on Thursday, July 11th, 2024
(((Fracturedfool))) I am so sorry. You never deserved this and your WS and his sister are some evil hearted people. They have to live with themselves, but if they are anything like my xWS their sociopathic nature will not allow them to reflect, be accountable, or feel empathy for those they wronged.
Is there a way to detach from him and stop taking care of him? Just stop all wife duties? Start living your life for YOU. Spend it around the people that cherish you. Is it too much to leave? I understand if it is at this point in your life.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
Fracturedfool (original poster new member #84734) posted at 8:08 PM on Thursday, July 11th, 2024
Thank you sisoon and crazyblindsided for listening to me and understanding. There are a lot of health issues (mine and his) going on right now so makes it so much harder to deal with. Some days I want to just run away forever but I can’t. I so wanted a peaceful happy retirement but will never have one now. He ruined everything.
Me BS 70 WH 72 M 42 yrs Together 52 yrs D days 1976-1979 New D day Jan 1 2023
Should have believed what he was the first time
BreakingBad ( member #75779) posted at 2:54 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2024
I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. It is certainly understandable that you feel this way.
I so wanted a peaceful happy retirement but will never have one now. He ruined everything.
Your retirement certainly won't look like you thought it would, but maybe there can still be some peace and joy in it.
Consider working on disengaging emotionally from your H and his sister. Do your own thing. Invest emotionally in yourself. Maybe see a counselor to help you with some tools around this or do some reading about emotional disengagement.
Carve out your own happiness in retirement--happiness that isn't contingent on your H.
You deserve it.
"...lately it's not hurtin' like it did before. Maybe I am learning how to love me more."[Credit to Sam Smith]
deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 3:23 AM on Friday, July 12th, 2024
First off, big hugs. You deserve so much more. Next, do you have hobbies or anything that you can find joy in to help pass the time? That may help while you can figure out a plan for moving forward for yourself that is healthy. Stash a little money here and there if you can. Maybe a free consult with an attorney to look at different options. These are just ideas. They may not all be what you are thinking, but the point is that maybe you can start thinking of what you want your future to look like and start figuring out a plan for that. You deserve so much better.
Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.
Topic is Sleeping.
