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Just wondering if there is a secret way to message each other on Facebook? It seems my WH and this person are on Facebook at the same time a lot. They are not friends on Facebook but he knows her and they happen to work together. Her profile accepts messages from people who are not friends of hers. I have his password and check it once in awhile. Thats his preferred method for fishing. I havent seen anything but just wonder if there is a way they can message each other without me seeing it when I am on his profile? I just find it weird that they are on there at the same time or within minutes of each other. I can see when she is logged in when I am on my messenger.

There are encryption options within FB Messenger. I don’t know what all that does and does not do when it comes to being logged into the same account from a second device. You might be able to grab your husband’s phone and turn off these options without him knowing, see if things start popping up on other devices.

Adding to this. Tonight I could see they were on at the same time. I started acting like I was messaging her but did not send anything. After awhile I messaged WH watcha doing. She got off Facebook. He called me within 3 minutes and said my messenger activity was strange. I asked him why is that? You messaged me earlier today and I saw you were online. He replied why didnt you just text me like usual? I sent you a meme. Am I off base wondering why he said my activity was weird? I usually do not message him. I just feel like she said something to him. Maybe I am paranoid, pstd.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninaz at 4:20 AM, Thursday, October 3rd]

You can set messages to disappear. That's what my exWP did. The AP wondered why the messages kept disappearing, so she started to take screen shots of them before they disappeared. After she became suspicious of him and tracked me down, she sent me the screen shots.

Sly and calculated, ass-covering on his part. Another reason I don't want to deal with him any more.

Search "disappearing messages on messenger"

The setting for disappearing messages looks like it's within the individual conversation.

I had to click on the i inside the actual conversation to get its settings. scrolling down, I found that setting.

There are also secret conversations, but I think that is just encryption.

Yes! There is something called Facebook secret messaging. It keeps it kind of incognito. I think it disappears or just goes into a different area, I’m not quite sure. I’ve heard of it, I’ve seen it, but I have not played with it. I think I stumbled upon it accidentally by clicking buttons one day and that’s about as far as it went.

I use disappearing messages on messenger.
You can also hide when you are online (your active status).
You can hide your story from a specific person or more than one person.
You can hide chats too and have multiple chats going with one person.

And you can have more than one account and switch between them in settings.

Him saying you being unusual on messenger makes me think he’s up to something.

Him saying you being unusual on messenger makes me think he’s up to something.

He’s shady.

Remember cheaters will use any means to attack you (the betrayed). It’s called DARVO - look it up. It stands for Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender.

Your H attacks YOU when you get too close to finding out HIS lies or shady behavior.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 6:31 AM, Saturday, October 5th]

My husband used Messenger for most of his inappropriate contact and still is. There are many ways to cover tracks on that app. You literally have to catch them in real time. Plus there is encrypted messages etc.

All these apps are a devil instrument that serve people who want to deceive others.

If you have your spouse’s password you can log in their account and see the settings but be careful because they get notified of a new log in. It is possible to create a list of people who can see and those who cannot see your posts and even create a single person posts. You may be surprised to be in the list of those who cannot see certain posts…
Messenger is another devil and you should check if it has a different password from Facebook.

My suggestion is to open Facebook directly on the device of the person you need to have i fo from (no new log in) maybe at night time when they are asleep and be ready with your phone to take photos of what you see, included the settings.

Sadly FB has upped it game when it comes to secrecy.

They now do an End to End encryption so if you get/send a message on your phone and you then use your desktop to look at said message - it says something like "can't see due to end to end encryption"

I checked this on my personal account. So while I don't elect this option, it defaults to it anyway.

Also - it starts giving notifications if you log in from another device, I also checked this from my personal account. If I read/sent a message on my phone, and I log on to FB on my laptop, I get a message that just says "end to end encrypted".

Then my phone gets a notification that my account was logged on to from a device not my phone. Again - I never selected this - it is a FB default.

So now, while I have no real fear anymore, it makes Trust but Verify impossible unless you use the device usually used [usually phone].

Occasionally I have looked at WH phone but that is very few and far between times. And he's willingly given it.

So...Facebook - 1 and us infidelity survivors - 0

Then again - while FB makes it easy - it is the end user that is to blame for it uses.

Edited to provide more detail.

[This message edited by Chaos at 10:31 PM, Monday, October 7th]

This is what I found about end-to-end end encrypted messaging " End-to-end encryption (E2EE) is a method of secure communication that prevents third parties from accessing data while it's transferred from one end system or device to another. In E2EE, the data is encrypted on the sender's system or device, and only the intended recipient can decrypt it."

So it is nothing special, it just makes it impossible for messages to be decrypted by people who are not the intended recipients. That applies also to Whatsapp, Telegram, Viber and a million other messaging apps.

It DOES NOT WORK FOR TEAMS MESSAGING where the employers can monitor messages exchanged in chats. So Teams does not guarantee privacy within the organisation but it does to people outside the organisation.