SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For all of us who need to stick to NC - Post your letters to your WS, OP, or whoever, or do your venting here. I need a place to do it. Hope this can help others.

Thank you, not going through infidelity stuff but on a "break" after 9 years and trying to stay No Contact while he figures things out. I appreciate the space to be able to vent so that I don't get the phone and contact him instead.

NC was going good from Saturday the 22nd until tonight but you had to call about DD16 and her being on social media doing what 16yo girls do. I didn't want to answer the phone but there was a compulsion to do so since it might have been about the kids. Damn you!!! I'm mad at myself for answering that call because I had a good day today. Now I have to think about you again and I do not like doing that these days. Just want to put you in my rear-view but you have this knack for weaseling back into my life or is it you won't allow me to have peace. Stop showing off for POSOM!!! FUCK YOU and FUCK OFF!!!!!

I don't get it. A wonderful surprise birthday dinner that you arranged. you called my friends, my family, everyone. then a week later the texting stops. the baby and xoxox stop. what happened? or was the birthday stuff just a nice gesture and you didn't really give a fuck?

nothing in common? what happened to good times and bad? I'm worth it. you are worth it. we are worth the fight, but i can't do it alone.

do you miss me at all? do you think of me at night? do i matter anymore?

i miss you

Good night, sleep well n sweet dreams xoxoxo

I miss you baby

I'm so fucking sick of you texting me at work. I sick of you texting me at all. You are still blaming me for giving up on the M. THERE WAS NOTHING TO FIGHT FOR ANYMORE! You will always take take take. It's always about you and still is. You don't care that you have made me sick/still making me sick. Sometimes I want to die just to get away from you.

You say you've always been alone, I have always been alone while you've been out doing what you want. I raised the kids BY MYSELF, because you were to busy living your life. Now you want to be a parent when the kids are now teenagers. What a joke! Now you act like you did all this work taking the kids to school because my job hours required YOU to help. Who do you think took care of the kids all those years you were out philandering?

I hate how you twist everything around to make me the bad guy. I don't give a fuck anymore what you think! I don't give a fuck what your friends and family think.

I keep checking my phone for a text but you don't send them anymore. No interest, I get it.

I miss your texts, hope you're ok.

I wanted to tell you of my weekend plans hoping you'd want to go with me, but the truth is you won't even ask me what I'm doing. You won't say more than a "hi" and then leave like usual. wtf

Had to have a follow up appointment today for additional tests about something “concerning”. While I was waiting for the doctor to let me know the results, of course I did the “what if’s”. What if it’s this, what if it’s that....all worse case scenarios, of course, you know I’m a catastrophizer. I’m here alone, no family, what if I need treatment, how am I going to cope??

Then, the inevitable thought came. What if it is the worse thing I can think of....would I let you know? Why is that still my instinct? It’s come up in a similar way before when I have to put down an emergency contact. Used to be you, now it’s my Mum who is in a different country.

But then I thought, why would I tell you, if it were the worst case scenario? You are no longer part of my life. I wouldn’t want you to try and come back out of pity. You gave up your chance to help me through difficult shit when you chose to be her KISA rather than mine. I have other people who would be able to help me through it. So I made the decision I wouldn’t tell you.

It turned out to be benign.

But clearly you are still a part of my landscape. More work to be done to carry on moving forward.

You texted me tonight because you are concerned about our DD16 because you just got off of chat with her. Why all of the sudden are you concerned about our daughter when you pretty much kicked us to the curb for your POS and abandoned us? DD can't concentrate in class because her mind is racing about how her family is imploding around her. I know she wants meds but I don't think that this will be the answer. She needs someone to talk to and can't come to you because you abandoned her when she needs you the most. Pretty fucking selfish of you to put your happiness above everyone else in this house. You chose the cowards way out by running off to your POS and now you want to be a parent...FUCK OFF!!!

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 9:05 PM, September 3rd (Thursday)]

You didn't say goodbye this morning, and then you didn't react to me returning the truck keys. Deep down I know it's because you don't care, because you don't show that you do. You haven't reached out, you treat me like I'm just a regular person and not the person you've loved for 9 years. Unless its been gone for so long and I was just too stupid or two scared to see it. Seeing you today made me miss you terribly, but you leaving without acknowledging me might have been what I needed to let you go. I love you still, that may take a while to go away.

I miss you and I hate that I miss you. Being the one that cares is so hard. I physically have to keep myself from texting. I hate it. I hate that you don't care about me when I care about you so much.

So we saw one another today, and then texted a little. It's Friday, and you haven't reached out to talk to me. I don't deserve this, just tell me the truth so i can let you go.

I miss you tonight. I miss our connection. I especially miss our physical intimacy. Even you said it was like nothing you’ve ever experienced in your life. Even until the end it was mind blowing. But you’d rather sext with your married girlfriend. What person chooses that?

I knew you wouldn't stay deactivated from Facebook for long. Gotta find some validation. I wish I didn't care.

I hate being alone. So very alone.

You lied...again. Why should I be surprised? You went and met up with somebody - for sex. I suspected when you told me as we were discussing D paperwork, but was hurt when my intuition was confirmed.

You're still a douchehole. You have hurt people more than you will ever acknowledge or realize. Your sons have no respect for you.

You didn't emotionally engage with me for years, but now you can be available for meet ups with who knows what?

I hope you catch something and your d!ck falls off.

You have hurt so many people with your selfishness.

Almost had me.

Just do it already. man up and break up with me. i'm already torn, it's not like it would be worse than what im feeling anyway.