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Tonight you have the audacity to ask me why I am always mad. You know what? I have every right to be pissed off because you are still in my life and my house. You were the one who betrayed me but yet you don't see anything wrong with it and to be nonchalant is absolutely appalling because you think you are entitled to have it. Everything has to be about you. It was always about your needs and not mine. You're really a sociopath and I'm glad you are leaving. Tonight I told our 16 year old daughter that you were not coming back and that your going to live with your POSOM and to mention his daughter around her was a low blow. That was something which should of been left unsaid.

Wow. This "agreement" is absurd. You want the kids three weekends a month (no weekdays) of your choice, and to pay child support for ONE YEAR. So I'm supposed to have the kids all week every week, but somehow build up my career (which I sacrificed to follow your cheating ass around) to support all three of us, in ONE YEAR. I wish I had the money to go straight to court so I could watch the judge laugh in your face.

Oh, and you'll "give" me the house, which I clearly cannot afford on my own. But if I choose to sell it, you get 85% of the increase in value. Because you paid the mortgage Such a nice guy.

This is the sound of my head exploding. Mostly because I trusted you with our finances for half the marriage, and you clearly thought that made you king. But when I'm done freaking out I know I'll be smiling, because I was so right to file for a divorce from your entitled, cheating, Narc-y ass.

Lastly, may your female lawyer burn in hell right beside you ♥️

Toodles, bitch.

So for some reason I wanted to have this fucking conversation with you all fucking day.

But I know better so I won't actually do it.

So here it is...

Yes, I'm sorry that I was a shitty husband. I only was because I refused to put effort into a losing cause.

I'm also sorry that you were the shittiest wife that anyone ever conceived of.

If I could trade the way i felt about everything for all the good things that I got out of our time together (except for our DD) I would throw all of the chips on the table without a nanosecond of hesitation.

You were not worth it. You didn't deserve me.

Oh for fucks sake you think I have put you in a hole. What kind of hole do you think you put me in? And you say it's impossible to say anything... because if I let you say anything it is negative and you do not listen to what I need to heal and recover. You say you are misunderstood? No I am just not listening to your narcissistic ramblings anymore. You are still blaming me for not trying. I've been trying for the last 8 years only to be treated like shit over and over again at some point I needed to save myself.

Have been doing so well, with the NC stuff, in general. Only contact for kids and business.

I see we both seem to tangle up in one another at different times. after 25 years I suppose it is only natural. I had a messy moment last week and tonight it was your turn.

I took the boys away for the weekend. then I feel guilty. We hardly ever got away as a family because of the business and frequently in debt and also because you never could prioritize the importance of quality family time even for a couple of hundred dollars outside of the house. Now all our debt is paid and I have had the freedom to take a few weekends away more than usual yet I feel horribly guilty because you are still the primary breadwinner and I am doing things that are more fun.

Except this was the time we were supposed tp be able to start doing things together after the debt was paid off and you totally fucked it up.For years we talked about taking the kids to your homeland in France, and on a cruise which we had done before the kids. We had plans.. But you Wanted to enjoy yourself sooner while I still suffered with all the BS. POS selfish. Couldn't wait.

Now, all the money we would have had monthly to put toward those experiences - we have to pay for your FUCKING APARTMENT AND EXPENSES because we are separated. I HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT.

so here you are in your apartment cooking yourself a lovely meal and sending me pics of what you cooked for yourselF tonight- feeling all lonely with no one to share it with. Good for you, and then you send me a message "I learned from watching you, thank you". Trying to make me cry??? Why are you doing that? Is this "I miss you"?? after being such a prick and then so distant during the separation and suddenly you miss me.

i don't miss you. I don't miss your demeaning comments, your irrational violent reactions to nothing, your evasive, gaslighting comments when I would ask you why you were speaking/acting unkindly... or where you were that day.

I only miss that at one time I was the center of your universe - for a short while. But over time you didn't understand how to take care of me, emotionally, it was you, you, you - and the only reason I was the center of your universe for a while is because I made you feel that way - so now you still need that and I couldn't provide it because of our children whom had special needs and my cancer. Well guess what - I liked being the center of your universe too - but other priorities came along like your business and the kids and did I go running off for attention elsewhere???t NO you weak POS ego needing coward. Makes me so sad. You are only sad and missing me because of me not being there cooking for you.

I am glad FAP has told you to "take some time for yourself". I know you are pining for her, so you come to me with your desperate need for kibbles. Now you will suffer a short while - not nearly as much as I have the past 7 years - but a short while, squirm in your discomfort of not being adored.

I never thought this day would ever come but it did. At 0830 on August 22nd, you departed my life forever except for the kids. Our youngest DD will be 18 in a year and a half so that is about as long as I have to deal with you and your stupid shit. I do not care what you are doing!! It's not worth it and I'm not going to pine for you nor do any pain-shopping. To be honest you were never worth it. Can't believe that I ever loved your sorry ass. Now your mask has been taken off for the whole world to see what kind of person you really are.

WE ARE FINALLY DONE!!! No more shit sandwiches for me!!!

No longer do I have to worry about you and what you are texting/talking with your POS AP. Go down and play house until he tires of your inane BS and have to go out on your own. That probably will not happen since both of you base your happiness on each other and idolize each other on pedestals. You deserve what you get and I'm not afraid of the future anymore. In fact, I'm free and happy to be released from your idiotic issues. You really have set me free and have not realized it.

Good f@#$ing riddence and don't come back!!!!

I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling sad. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of watching you only ask to speak with the kids when it suits you. I’m tired of hiding pictures you take of you and OW. I’m tired of having to ask for money to pay for food and bills while you buy all new stuff for your new house, eat out, drink, buy her new things....

I hate who you are right now.

Why? Just why? Why did you do it when you knew how devastating it would be?

How can you just walk away. How can you not be begging me on your knees.

Why? Just why?

I’m not sure why you thought it would be ok to abandon me and our DS 10 times. I don’t know why you seemed to think you could have your life with us but stay in contact with the skank. I definitely told you it was not acceptable to me from the start. So why?? Why?

You have left me a wreck because of this. I have no reserves left. You have left ALL your responsibilities with me, house, son,dog, cat everything and swanned off into the sunset to go live your life.

How dare you go on holiday with her while your family are broken and destroyed. You are such a selfish man. Never in my life did I think such a person existed.

This 10th time you left us you were emailing me to sell our home. 2 days after you left. What kind of f*ckedupness is going on in that brain of yours.

I’m sick of it. Pestering me for your stuff. My stuff! My stuff! Because that matters more than your son.

You are the biggest low life on Planet Earth do you know that?

Eh?

Nah, you don’t do you because you are a raging narcissist who thinks he’s ENTITLED to treat people anyway he likes

Ah, you have cured me of any regret I had over our relationship ending. Except that I didn't do it sooner.

You don't deserve to be a mother. You're a glorified baby incubator and cum dumpster.

Fuck you. I wish I believed in hell so I would know that you would burn there.

I just want to know that I mattered. That I haven’t been erased from your memories.

Did I ever matter?

I am repulsed by you. What makes you think I would ever want to work things out with you again or have sex with you you are a disgusting awful human being. Your delusion of thinking you are special and a really good person makes me want to barf. I think you enjoy hearing yourself speak but are oblivious to what people really think of you. Fuck you!

It's a bad night

I am feeling you are sad. I'm worried you are depressed

You always were the one projecting how anxious I am and you didn't think I could handle all this and that was your excuse for continuing your bullshit

You were so smug, so arrogant

I always told you I'm healthier than you - You saw tears as weakness - I know they are strength - cry it out an then move on. you instead held it in - waiting for it to simmer and explode..

We have been able to keep things civil and friendly enough

You have been so disconnected in our last few encounters - doesn't feel like healthy disconnect - feels like shame and you can't look me in the eye and depression disconnect

There's suicide in your family

I don't think you would but I'm still worried

You are probably a narc so I know it's not because of feeling bad for me -it's because of feeling bad for you - but I'm worried

You are depressed too because I know FAP has rejected you (at least temporarily0

You have no one to comfort you

CAn't talk about it with your mom or adult daughter because they love me and are mad at you

You did this yet I'm worried

You look like hell

You are working hard to fix things at the house

I've been cleaning out the garage that has a lot of your things, our things for the business we both own, rearranging and purging things that were wasting space - I can see you are visibly upset that I have done this

partly because you wanted it your way

partly because you are disappointed I wasn't motivated to do this for you/us when you were here, you are seeing my self esteem emerge

I let you into my life, I let you into my marriage. I wish I'd never met you. I wish I didn't know you.

You know he and I are seperated and I know you know how much that hurts me. But not a word from you. Not a word. Now I question your motives. I question everything you ever said. You said you didnt want to be the cause of any thing bad between us. You said it more than once. You knew you should have walked away after the breakup, you knew you should have left us alone. I know that you knew that.

And now what, are you just going to step in and become me now? You will never be me. He will never have with you what he had with me. You will be the biggest mistake he ever makes.

What do you even have to tell yourself in order to be with him? After all the times you told me how much you care about me? After everything I did for you, what do you say to make it be ok?

You are the single biggest waste of space I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. How dare you cheat and ruin our marriage and our children's home, and then continually try to disrupt their lives and try to convince them to live with you in your stupid RV? I know you tried to tell our daughter that I'm having an affair with my best friend's husband. GROW UP. He was at my house fixing my car because I knew I couldn't ask you to do it since you've been spreading around that you have to help me with everything. You don't see the turmoil you have place on our son by taking one little off hand comment that he said and turning it into a big freaking deal. You're ready to run off to court and I have news for you. I am TIRED OF YOUR SHIT. Bring it. If you're going to drag me to court I am not going to agree to a single thing and I'm going to counter sue for my attorney's fees while I'm at it. You think the child support is costing you big bucks now? You already ruined the kid's happy little family. Then threw this into this new normal that they were just getting used to and now you want to turn it upside down again? What kind of Dad are you exactly? You can't even take care of them well. You don't do things with them. You admit to falling asleep while our 3 year old is playing. You regularly admit to not having food in your fridge. I hate you.

You texted me today. “Happy Birthday!” We haven’t communicated in almost 2 months since I told you about my Nanna. After four years. After all the shit you have put me through. All I get is a “Happy Birthday!” like we are friends or distant acquaintances?

As my BFF said, “how dare he text you today when he didn’t bother to text you about your Nanna. He doesn’t get to pick and choose when to be a good guy.”

So, thanks but no thanks. I deleted the message. Didn’t respond. And actually have a much better day than I thought I would have. I have some amazing friends. I am a kind and compassionate person. You are a Cheating Douchebag. I know who wins here.

Screw. You.

[This message edited by Outoflove2020 at 11:43 PM, August 27th, 2020 (Thursday)]

So, you threaten me with taking my kid away, then have the fucking guts to try to appeal to my better nature by saying "we both want the best for her." Meaning you and i.

There is no "we". There never was. That was a fucking fantasy that only ever existed in my head. You never believed in it.

Get fucking bent.

[This message edited by Idiotmcstupid at 2:01 AM, August 28th, 2020 (Friday)]

I can't imagine how you could throw away whatever we built over ten years. What made you abandon me and our little "family" for a piece of shit who picked you up in the office? Do you remember when one of our pet children died? I called you the next day to ask you how you felt. We talked for a few minutes, I desperately longed to hear you ask how I felt. You knew he'd died in my arms, you knew I was the one who looked into his eyes while he was dying, I was the one who felt his little body getting limp. This image will plague me for the rest of my life. You knew I was still in the house where he'd spent all his life and I could still see him sitting or napping in his favourite spots. And you didn't have enough empathy to ask me how I felt. What kind of person is capable of that?!!

My birthday is coming soon. The first birthday since you left for your AP. Despite everything you did, I still have a lingering shred of hope that you will use that date as a pretext to reach out to me and tell me you feel sorry and ashamed for everything. That there is still a chance for us and you're prepared to take it. But I know at the same time that it will never happen. You're much too proud to do that, or perhaps you're so fond of your new life that the thought of me and our ten years together never crosses your mind. I dread my birthday. Instead of feeling joy and excitement, I'll probably spend it waiting for a text or a call that will never come and late that night I will be lonely as ever and I'll have realised I must kill my own hope. I so wish I could believe I will have wings again.

Trying to 180 so I'll get some shit out here.

He sent a whole bunch of I'm sorry texts last night.

Sorry means changed fucking behavior. I hate you for making me so angry that I yelled at you while buckling our daughter in the car seat. She should never have to see me like that. And it's your fucking fault that she had to. And you don't even fucking care.

Our 11th anniversary. The day of the biggest mistake I ever made.

But I forgive myself.

You on the other hand... Never.

You can live with yourself.

Enfuckingjoy.