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How did you all get through each day working and taking care of kids when you were/are so consumed with grief? I have been put on temporary sleep and anxiety medication but I still can’t function and it’s an added layer of stress on top of what I’m already going through. I’m journaling, meditating, but nothing is helping so far and I’m afraid it’s going to impact my job soon if I can’t get my sh*t together and function. I’m so consumed by this.

Hi Marie82
Are you in IC yet?. I had terrible panic attacks in the beginning. Therapy really helped me deal with the stress. I am 6 months since Dday and every day is still hard but therapy, exercise, self care has helped me.

Hi Marie82
Are you in IC yet?. I had terrible panic attacks in the beginning. Therapy really helped me deal with the stress. I am 6 months since Dday and every day is still hard but therapy, exercise, self care has helped me.

I was like a walking zombie for a full year at work. I honestly don't know how I got through it. I was barely taking care of my kids. The whole year was a blur. I did end up in the mental hospital 2 times that year and had to be put on Anti-Depressants and Mood Stabilizers. Also was in therapy 1-2 times a week. It seriously should be considered a crime considering the trauma one goes through.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am 5 years out and your post made me think about how hard those first months were. I was put on anxiety meds as well, but I found they didn't work, so I stopped taking them. I found someone at work to confide in. I trusted her and I knew she wouldn't judge me for not kicking him to the curb immediately. It really helped me at my job because she would cover for me or calm me when I would have panic attacks. She also, with my permission, spoke with our boss and let him know that I was going through some very rough personal things. Our kids were a bit older, 19, 17 and 15. My husband sat down with them and explained that we were going through some things and that he had hurt me very badly. I think because they were older, they were able to understand and give me some grace when I was struggling.

I found refuge in friends and in work. I did share my story with a select few at work including my boss. For me while work was a refuge but I wasn’t myself, so if I messed up they knew why.

I also started work early so I had quiet time. And I came here a LOT.

That and walking helped a lot.

It does get easier. I promise. It is different for every person, but you will figure out how to live in a new norm.

Please take one day at a time. Sometimes it is one hour at a time.

And tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 2:30 AM, Wednesday, June 12th]

Dup

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 12:10 AM, Wednesday, June 12th]

I held it together until my kidsxwere in bed, and then I collapsed. It was hell.
At work, I would just try to make it till break, then make it till lunch, then break, then quitting time, then dinner, then bed. I never looked beyond a 2-3 hour threshold.

It gets better. I know it's hard to fathom, but it does. Hang in there.

I just took it one moment at a time. I tried not to think too far ahead. If someone asked me about the weekend on Friday, I would just shrug and say I hadn't thought that far ahead, yet. I also survived on milkshakes and tomato soup.
I didn't have to think about what I was having, it was one or the other.
As the others have said, it does get better - with time.

I have a very cerebral job, and honestly I have not been the same since d-day. I’ve been able to do enough, but I used to be an ass kicker. It’s hard to think about abstract and heady things when your most basic needs are threatened. Turns out Maslow was probably on to something.

Not very well. I had been laid off around the time that the A started. After about six months I had a new contract job and I was about six months into that on D-day. I had to take long walks during the work day when I was at risk of breaking down at my desk. A couple of times I was late for meetings while I gathered myself. I finally decided that I needed to let my contract manager know that I was having "some problems at home" that were challenging but I was doing my best to get through it without impacting my work.

I got some signals early on that they might want to keep me when my contract was up but that didn't turn out to be the case. I sometimes wonder if the dent in my productivity from dealing with the A contributed to that.

It turned out for the best, though. A few months later I landed the most rewarding job of my career - one that has given me greater satisfaction than anything a contract firm could have provided.

At home it was a full time job doing the pick-me dance. :( On my therapist's advice I made a point to get out of the house and try to do some things. Usually I would just find the twistiest country road I could and drive quickly to keep my mind occupied. I did some good hikes in the woods once I made it to the point where being alone with my thoughts without my thoughts and feelings spiraling out of control.