SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Not because I miss her or anything, but because she just won’t back down. Sobbing hysterically and apologizing, followed by some way I hurt her 15 years ago and how she found forgiveness for me afterwards. Affair logic is incredible.

I am good, I know this is typical. Tomorrow will be rage at me, or the next day.

Oh that does sound horrible. You’re doing well not to just tell her to shut the f*ck up.

When my first marriage ended my X and I lived under the same roof whilst being separated and other than ignoring each other were pretty amicable. I found that hard enough, not sure I could be as strong as you.

So sorry for this shit-show your adulterous wife is putting you through. You don’t need to be told her sobs are for herself. I know this is the last thing you wanted, but for your own sanity, have you considered physical separation once your lawyer gives you the green light?

I predict she bakes you a cake today, to undermine your resistance. You read it here first.

You’ve been heard, HINHF

…followed by some way I hurt her 15 years ago and how she found forgiveness for me afterwards

Yup.

I got plenty of that. Didn’t get the hysteronics to my face, but trying to rely on some kind of equivalency I think was my wife’s game plan all along. Not a good plan. Not to mention my wife never ACTUALLY forgave me for shit, all slights, real and perceived, got stored away to feed her endless resentments.

Stand strong, brother.

I hope this doesn't last long. She's a snake,coiled,and ready to strike.

She wasn't sorry when she cheated.

She wasn't sorry when she chose not to believe your abused child, contacted OM, and chose him over your son,and the family.

She wasn't sorry the entire time through false R.

She manipulated you into believing she was sorry, and believed your son.

Don't let her manipulate you again.

She's throwing pity parties for herself. Don't attend.

NC. Only talk about the kids and finances. Isolate from her as much as possible. Stop allowing her to speak with you about how sorry she is. Get up and leave the room. Put a lock on your bedroom door. When she does manage to talk, don't respond. At all.

Please keep the var on at all times.

I know it sucks but she is trying to control things and manipulate you. Please read and implement the 180, start kicking life's ass and don't let her see you upset or rattled. Like HF said she is a snake coiled up ready to strike, she wants to see you hurt and failed, don't give her the satisfaction. The 180 absolutely saved me, changed my life for the better in so many ways.

Thanks everyone.

I am really ok. I don’t feel angry, I feel free. I don’t really care about what she says, and that’s me just saying it to be cool. I genuinely don’t care at all, and it’s one of the best things to happen.

I’m doing my own thing, I let her know in no uncertain terms where I stand with this. Truthfully she used all of these lines during her A as well. Seen it all. I basically told her things that happened in the past are irrelevant to the situation, and I am tired of hearing about the ways I messed up so that she could go have sex with another man.

I’m going to enjoy my day!

I hope you have VARs and Webcams strategically placed around the house. This sounds like Phase I, with the risk of her dropping DV allegations soon.

You don't know this woman. She's a stranger who allowed another man to hurt her child. Keep moving forward. Stay strong.

[This message edited by 1994 at 6:35 PM, Saturday, July 20th]

And HF,

I’m not forgetting about the biggest issue at all, just I have my reasons for not bringing it up

Bringing it up to us? Or her?

If you have reasons for not bringing it up to us, I'm smart enough to read between the lines...and I will stop mentioning it as well.

If it's her you're not bringing it up with..that's smart. You don't need to get her anymore worked up. Besides, what is there really left to say? Her excuses and reasons mean absolutely nothing.

Hang in there HINHF. It can feel unbearable and no matter how resolved one is, this is a stressor beyond almost all stressors.

It's almost, in a fucked up way I wouldn't wish on anyone, fascinating (or is it surreal?) to watch them once we have truly detached. So many WTF moments. It's shocking sometimes, hard at other times, sad at all times but it actually helps to reinforce your decision. Now that you see her for real, well, you can't unsee it and your resolve to never choose her again will only grow.

I hope you found some joy this weekend or at least some moments of peace. Hope your children are doing ok too.

HF,

You are right on both counts. It’s absolutely not something I’m putting aside, just need to
keep discussing it minimum.

The end.

Thank you.
I’m making sure I remember why I’m here, and why I’m at the point I am. I mean, just 7 days ago I saw what she was telling him. Tied into everything that has happened, keeping my resolve straight

Well, if she does make you a cake don’t eat it. The cake is a lie.

Sorry if I missed this, but do you have a timeline to when you'll be able to end the cohabiting?
You sound like you're coping but it must be so wearing
I feel so lucky I'm not having to do this. Was suggested to me by msg this morning actually by WH but I'm in a fortunate position to refuse at this point. And I don't have kids at home who im sure are your priority. .
Really hope you don't have to endure this for long.

There's a great site you can find if you Google scream into the void. A great way to release some words or thoughts if you just need to get them out.

"The cake is a lie" sounds like a song or a book title.

"The cake is a lie." Is a reference to the video game "Portal".

I think it's used pretty amazingly here.

Hi

It was a while since I was active on this site.l, but wanted to weigh in. In house separation sucks. No question! That being said, it is as much your house and space as hers. You have as much right being there as her. Best thing I did was not moving out after I found out about her affair . While I wanted too, in the long run it was good I stayed. I was the stability for my family they needed during the times she blew up our life. Also, I am sure it helped afterwards with maintaining the great relationship with my sons and my x/wife’s family.

Best advice I ever got was to treat my x-wife like a room mate that I didn’t really like being around, but necessary to keep things going and bills paid. Most importantly don’t engage. Keep the 180 strong. Don’t be mean, just don’t get caught up in her drama. When you see her reaching her hand to you out of the quicksand she has made her life, just remember she is not looking to be pulled out, but to pull you in.

Once all of these bad times are over you will be glad you stayed. Also trust me it will get better. You got this!!!

Weather13 is on to something...
Best way to get out of a bad situation is to actively take steps out of it.
Contrary to popular belief in-house separation is not required until the final divorce is signed.
Yes – there are probably good legal reasons for not being the one to leave the family home, but I strongly suggest you have your attorney outline a plan that gives you a clearer path and possible timeline for this situation to end.

It might make things easier for you if you can focus on a date (or even a series of dates) like this imaginary scenario:
In the next 10 days she will be served, and that starts a 30 day period where she has to respond to my initial divorce suggestions, and that might mean that 30 days later we no longer have to cohabit. At most, I have 70 days of in-house separation left.

Personally, I don't think you should take steps to leave,until you're attorney is working on getting you custody.

She's still having an affair with OM. Once you move out, he will be back. She made it clear she chose him,over the kids. I wouldn't want to leave unless I knew OM wasn't legally allowed around the kids.