SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Gently, pushing you to the ground is violence.

The form of violence - whether he hits you or shoves you or grabs you by the hair - doesn't matter.

Think of it this way: if your best girlfriend or your sister came to you and said "my husband got angry with me and shoved me to the ground," would you make excuses for him? Or urge your friend / sister to leave?

You need to be out of the environment to stop the cycle and begin the healing process. Same for your kids, they need to be out of the abuse environment. You want to focus on getting out of abuse, not spinning through why or trying to qualify the abuse. Child services have already been involved and there has been a finding. This means new involvements will view YOU through a different lens than the first time. You need to focus on taking proper actions before eyes fall on you for failure to protect.

I was you at one time. Believing my xWS every time he said he would change. I would believe the changes until he acted like his abusive manipulative self again. You will be stuck in this cycle until you leave unfortunately. Your reaction to him is to his continued wayward behavior and emotional abuse. I acted out in ways I didn't even recognize myself anymore. You have to detach and you have to stop caring about him and his needs. Just focus on yourself. Stop feeding him and doing his laundry. Tell him you want to leave and you are not putting any more effort into the M. Stay in house separated, sleep in separate rooms and live as roommates until you can leave. It's the only way to save yourself and your sanity.

When I left I was finally at peace, I found myself again, there were no more ups and down with me reacting badly and then beating myself up about it. Life became NORMAL and peaceful. Please for your sake, safety and sanity find a way to leave him. I'm sorry but it is the only way out of this cycle. If I could do it you can do it. Believe in yourself. Reach out to friends and family and tell them your situation and if you can lean on them for support. Is there a way to move back with your parents until you can get on your feet again? There are also women's shelters that will house you and feed you your kids temporarily. Then they help you transition to a life in which you can live on your own with your kids.

Simple question, what would you do if he was no longer in your life? Would you breathe a sigh of relief or yearn for more chaos? It really is that simple. Everyone on here recognizes you are the hamster in the spinning wheel getting nowhere, but all you need to do is step off. But you won’t. We can’t change one thing in your life.

LemonPie, I've read every one of your threads, even the ones I didn't respond to. Your husband has been violent toward you and the children. He's restricted your access to money and threatened to take away your vehicle. You are isolated geographically from your family, and he's shamed you for confiding in them about your situation, so you rarely (if ever) reach out to them for support.

I don't have enough hours in the day to go through all your posts on your own threads and others' threads to prove my case. There would be no point to doing so, anyway, since you're committed to being in denial about your own lived experience. You've made it clear now that, even when you come asking for advice, you really just want to vent about your situation. You're not ready to do anything about it... and that's your prerogative.

But as someone who grew up in an abusive household, was terrorized by my mother's husband, watched her live in denial about what was happening to her and to me, and went through the cycles abuse (including the calm, happy times before "the storm"), I know what your kids are going through and I can't emotionally distance myself from their situation to serve as your release valve.