SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I know you weighed the options very carefully, IH. Take the time to grieve. Hugs for you and your children.

Hey Ink,
I’m sorry it came to this. You did all you could. When you are ready, wander over to the S/D forum. Nice folks who can help you through the next steps.

And we can reassure you that you will get through this and come out the other side okay.

Sending strength.

I am sorry InkHulk. Wishing you and your family strength for the coming days. Please check back in with us.

Sending strength.

You deserve at least an honest shot at a happy life.

I am sorry InkHulk it came to this.
You have my prayers for you and your family. Hugs and stay strong.

Wishing you the best. Stay strong and well.

Well done for making the call IH.

All the best from across the pond.

Good on you making a decision. I wish you the best.

Although the pain did not magically go away for me, as it took years to process, the source of my pain had been largely removed from my life. In its place was a profound sense of peace. I cannot tell you how much I valued that and how much I still guard it.

[This message edited by Justsomeguy at 9:38 PM, Friday, March 22nd]

Read all your past postings -

I read that your mind was guided by honest thinking and the "Boy Scout" ethic of hard work gets it's just reward.

However, life doesn't always follow the script.

Sad to read you have to make the choice -

My prayers are going out for you and your family (((HUGS))). The decision to D is not an easy one to make...but when I finally decided it was the decision that was the best for me...I was able to feel a sense of RELIEF. I have never regretted that decision from my 1st M. Here's to a BETTER future for y'all...with PEACE .

I don’t see this as "I’m getting divorced" as much as "I’m getting out of infidelity".
I haven’t posted much on your situation because there is possibly nothing that I fear more for anyone than the limbo you seemed determined to maintain. I know that sentence is immense simplification, and its not meant in any way to make little of what you were trying. It’s just not something I see succeeding so much on this site.

Knowing what you wanted, then I would have been happy for you had your wife been more on-board with reconciling, and if you two could have done the work. But what you might want, and what you can get seldom go hand-in-hand.
I’m glad you are getting out of infidelity.

Just remember – Divorce is not an alternative form of marriage. You can be friends and hopefully the BEST coparents ever. But realize that D is the termination of the marital relationship and the personal bonds it includes.

I haven’t posted much on your situation because there is possibly nothing that I fear more for anyone than the limbo you seemed determined to maintain. I know that sentence is immense simplification, and its not meant in any way to make little of what you were trying. It’s just not something I see succeeding so much on this site.

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt on this, and also say that implying anything like I was trying to "maintain limbo" feels like a slap to the face. Maybe think about your wording the next time you send a message like this.

Just remember – Divorce is not an alternative form of marriage. You can be friends and hopefully the BEST coparents ever. But realize that D is the termination of the marital relationship and the personal bonds it includes.

I have no idea what to make of this. Trust me, I know more of what divorce means than you do.

So sorry it's come to this. I know how hard you've tried to make this work. Sending strength.

I wouldn't "slap" you with the limbo label, but you certainly had a difficult run at R.

I know that a lot of work went into your R, and it's not your fault it didn't work out. Your wife seemed determined to remain in the "detain and torture" method of affair recovery described in HTHYSHFYA instead of getting onboard to lead the efforts necessary for R to work.

[This message edited by This0is0Fine at 12:16 AM, Saturday, March 23rd]

It's not an easy decision and am very sorry. Come down to the D/S Forum lots of us going through a D or have D'ed. There's a good post about fear vs reality. There is grief involved in losing the M. I remember not feeling prepared for that part after having grieved infidelity. There is a great sense of peace on the other side of this too :)

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 6:53 PM, Friday, March 22nd]

I'm sorry you're not getting what you wanted when you came here. Sometimes it's bet to change one's mind, though.

I'm posting to recommend https://survivinginfidelity.com/forums/5/divorce-separation/. You'll find lots of wisdom there. I'm not recommending that you ignore the other forums here; I'm just recommending you read and post there, too.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:29 PM, Friday, March 22nd]

I'm so sorry, IH.

I don't think I've posted on your threads recently but have read through most of them, and I agree you did everything possible to make your marriage work.

Focus on you and your children. Lean on people who have your back.

I'm so sorry this is happening. Just remember that even if you do get divorced, if she does the hard work, there's no law saying that you can't try again in the future.

Keep your spirits up.

I'm sorry IH. Sending prayers my brother. I've read so much of your story and feel like we're so very similar in so many ways. Going all the way back to the beginning when you spoke about your faith, being married 17 years (I was 18 years at dday, and I viewed marriage as more covenantal than is a modernly popular view). As you wrestled through so much I gained a lot of insight through your interactions. At one point you described yourself as a "champion waffler" if I remember right. Well, I'm a contender for the title myself. So I read a lot of the responses you got in the midst of that that I wasn't really strong enough to absorb myself by keeping myself out there. But I was going through the exact same thing in real time (still am to some degree, as I decided to divorce over a month ago and still haven't followed through and now am waffling back to "maybe I can just endure until my youngest is grown and see where things are then"). So I'm still all over the map, just enduring, wracked with indecision, and not sure if I'm still in infidelity. I see with similar eyes as you, and it's incredibly hard to pull that trigger, even though I always thought infidelity was an absolute deal breaker before it happened to me. I had so many ideas of what I'd do, and I was naive. So I really have grown to respect and truly care about you in these forums, and I'm praying it all works together, somehow, for your good.

[This message edited by 1345Marine at 6:43 AM, Saturday, March 23rd]

I'm sorry Ink. My heart is literally breaking for you. I hope that when the smoke clears there will be less pain for you and you can move on in peace.