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That betrayal cuts so deeply. I think I've done fairly well of late detatching from the her emotionally, and I don't miss her per say. I am so upset though by the family dynamic she has destroyed. From our children, to her parents to her siblings and mine, and the long-term ramifications of all of that.

Yeh, it sure does cut deep. Cuts to the bone.

As to family dynamic, yes, its forever altered, but not necessarily "destroyed". Gently, I think that gives her too much power. Gonna be different, sure. As Bigger alluded to, new teaditions, new ways, new experiences will be had together...without her yes, but it'll happen.

It will take time, patience, and work but it will happen.

Keep posting Brother. Let us walk with you through this shyte storm.

I, personally, would respond but check with your attorney first. I would simply state that "I am suing you for divorce and how you respond is not my concern. We have no prior agreement on how to proceed." You don't need her to drag her feet in the process. The sooner she is convinced you are serious, the quicker you can move the divorce along. You don't need a situation where you show up in court and your WW claims she did not take the process seriously. The judge will most likely not give you a default ruling but give her time to get an attorney and mount a response. I would tell her that your divorce petition is as serious as a heart attack. Then go NC.

[This message edited by src9043 at 12:22 AM, Saturday, September 24th]

Brother, tell her she is an adult, work it out for herself. It is not discovery learning, she is an adult and supposedly a mother. Work it out WW!
As for the Christmas decorations.
Well I believe POS is Jewish, so she won’t want them for her new abode. If the children don’t want them and the decorations trigger you too much; have a donation frenzy with the church. Or smash your anger out on them. Either way it is your and your children’s choice. Not the cheaters.
One day at a time.

First, congrats on your process moving forward since she has now been served.

The paperwork says I am being sued. Is this all a formality or do I need to get an attorney?

Just...wow...

The words "intentional ignorance" come to mind.

Congratulations also for not letting this be your problem. Excellent boundary.

Treat yourself well this weekend.

I'm going through a settlement of a non-D lawsuit ... I cannot say more strongly: 1) say nothing now; 2) let your attorney know of this communication and follow their advice on how to handle it.

OK, I decided not to respond.

OK, I decided not to respond.

Wise.

OK, I decided not to respond.

I believe that is the safest option for you. You should make your attorney aware of any further approaches, suggestions, overtures, etc, from your WW. You are no longer a 'team'; you are two individuals, and you have to fight your corner to obtain the best possible result for yourself, in the situation your WW has put you in.

I don’t see harm in responding, but it needs to be in a very careful way.
The advantage I see in responding is that by your account she has agreed on a settlement that is to your advantage. Her logical and natural reaction to no response might be to think you are out for blood, lawyer up and play hard.

A relatively neutral reply could be:

"Divorce is a legal process and generally in legal processes one person needs to sue the other to get things started. In the dictionary one definition of "sue" is "to proceed with and follow up (a legal action) to proper termination" and that is what the papers mean.
You need to decide for yourself if you feel you need an attorney or not. The whole process is defined and determined within a legal framework that is supposed to be fair."

I’m not from the US but am a lawyer. My guess is that the document itself says what it is and what she needs to do. It probably comes with a letter suggesting she seek legal advice.

If that is so, one response is as politely as possible to ask her to read it and it should make sense.

The other option is for troutman to ask his lawyer what to do.

She actually sent me another e-mail over the weekend stating she read the paperwork more thoroughly and understands better now. She is going to contact my attorney.

Troutman, I'm glad you decided not to respond.

She is an adult, she will certainly figure it out on her own.

All communication can be handled through your lawyer.

No contact unless it is something involving your children that needs addressing.

Having a really lousy day, physically and emotionally.

I've been sick for four days, went to the clinic today and sure enough I have COVID. I knew my compromised immune system due to my lack of sleep would finally meet it's match...

Aside from being physically ill and all that entails, my anxiety is through the roof. I had a nightmare involving WW last night which has me messed up. For whatever reason today I am so hung up on the fact that she has given herself to someone else and all the physical aspects of it are eating me alive at the moment. I feel like I want to puke and the visions are killing me. I'm back to just not understanding how things ended up in this place and how she just quit on me, quit on us. I've also been hung on OM the last couple days, and know I shouldn't do that either. I know it was WW who made vows to me not him, but it takes two to tango. You have to be such a seriously low life POS to insert yourself into someone else's marriage. My kids are right, he's coveted WW for a long time, and they've seen this relationship border on inappropiate for a while.

Ugh! And I had been doing pretty well emotionally.

[This message edited by Troutman523 at 2:13 AM, Wednesday, September 28th]

What you wrote in your previous long post about planning the rest of the future with the wife and that wife did not exist. It was an illusion. Your wife knew it but she was cultivating that illusion in your mind. If what you said is real, to me it seems very cruel. Your wife is missing something in understanding how people are affected by mind games or she is purely narcistic. Most WSs at least apologize for the mental distress caused to the BS by their actions.

Consider what happened as a chronic disease and as we all do we somehow learn to live with it. It is sexy to keep one's head up and function even better in all aspects in the face of adversity. Even WSs are impressed by that. For the time being I think interacting with others close to you in many activities as much as possible and challenging yourself to do something new like a knew skill may be the best way not to indulge in negative thoughts. AS the video I quoted before says learning love without clinging is the way to go

Personally a woman who take alcohol everyday is not very attractive

[This message edited by goalong at 8:33 PM, Tuesday, September 27th]

Sorry about the COVID19. Take care. Remember you are on an emotional rollercoaster. The downside really hurts. But it does go up again. Hang in there.

COVID sucks. So sorry. Get plenty of rest....the fatigue hit me hard.

I am sorrier still for the pain you are feeling over her betrayal. No way around it, only through unfortunately. As fareast said, there will be an upswing as well. In the meantime do all you can to constructively distract yourself with actvities you enjoy.

You might be more emotional due to the Covid. I hope you recover quickly and start to feel better both physically and emotionally very soon.

Sorry your sick with Covid Troutman523. From what I’ve heard (haven’t had it yet, knock on wood) your dreams can be vivid and usually aren’t good, given you are battling the virus, and all the wild emotions you go through with your WW’s horrible actions, it’s not surprising. Still, sorry you are going through this.

I too had the same dreams and visions of my wife with the POS. I got all the dirty details, so nothing left to my imagination. When experiencing these visions (while awake), I would visualize a virtual stop sign in front of the vision. Did it consistently each time, for about 10-15 seconds and it, with time, helped eliminate the daytime visions.

The dreams will get better with time…..

Thanks for all the good thoughts. It's amazing the kindness of strangers on the internet; you guys are the best.

Bad night again last night. Two very vivid dreams, not nightmares. It was WW and I happy togther as if nothing happened. It's really getting to me today again. And of course the COVID isn't helping...

I know in the grand scheme of things, at just over three months I'm not that far out, but this rollercoaster is doing a number on me. I'm just so tired of being tired, of feeling sick, of taking myriad medications, of anxiety and depression, of all the fallout.

How do these people cause so much carnage, and care so little? I just can't right now...

[This message edited by Troutman523 at 9:50 PM, Wednesday, September 28th]

Two very vivid dreams, not nightmares. It was WW and I happy togther as if nothing happened.

I had those often in the early days, and they really messed with my head. You wake up happy and content, if only for a moment, only to discover that reality is the actual nightmare. They fade over time though. I haven't had a dream involving exWW in years.